Ayyyy!

Lulu Guinness dares you not to like her new pursed lips.

Oh yes, it’s Monday. Is it EVER Monday. Mercury and Mars are in retrograde, so I was told by a very authoritative person on Twitter who claims to be Susan Boyle’s cat, and that’s a sign of internet cred if ever I’ve seen one. Anyway, when I’ve got a case of the Mondays, nothing cheers me up quite so much as the realization I get paid to drink psychoactive beverages and read gossip blogs for a living, so here’s your roundup for the day:

UPDATE: was it EVERY Monday, because the internet went out while I was working on this post. So now it’s Tuesday. But these are still interesting, I promise!

Fame hasn’t changed James Cameron (AgentBedhead)

Duckface a deux (AllieIsWired)

Someone bought the cow (AmyGrindhouse)

Taylor Lautner, action man (BricksAndStones)

Betty White wins the SuperBowl (BusyBeeBlogger)

Bent it like Beckham (LaughingStork)

Duckface denied (CeleBitchy)

This is Paris Hilton’s autobiography (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Motley Crue’s show apparently not as interesting as
the audience (CelebrityMound)

Dr Death is Bad, so bad, you know it (CelebritySmack)

The Poopmobile (Lolebrity)

JLo loves her tard (CityRag)

Blogger vs Bullock (CelebrityVIPLounge)

The REAL reason for the Ginger Hate (CelebBuzz)

Andre Leon Talley wants to be on Top(Crunk+Disorderly)

Britney’s visiting her old haunts(CrazyDaysAndNights)

Five Also-Rans (Gawker)

Carrie Underwood won the Superbowl? (DailyStab)

ARod working his way through Hollywood (DanasDirt)

Donatella Versace does NOT go au naturel (DListed)

Kendra Wilkinson plays the Crying Game (EvilBeet)

Kendra Wilkinson speaks! (GabbyBabble)

Kiefer consumes solid food (HaveUHeard)

St Brangelina reunited (HollywoodBackwash)

Jenna Jameson gets a Princess Leia makeover(HollywoodRag)

Hilary
Duff wigs out (HollywoodTuna)

Pink’s whiteout (INeedMyFix)

Dr Ruth’s new look (IBBB)

Levi Johnson Desperate for attention
(JanetCharltonsHollywood)

Sandra Bullock chooses couture (JustJared)

Beyonce floored! (LitelySalted)

Who IS that? (MaterialBitch)

Inside the Oscars (MovieLine)

Kanye doesn’t care about wait people (PerezHilton)

Ed not so Hardy under fire (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Valentines Day comes early in Hollywood (PopSugar)

Not the first government bailout (WizbangPop)

What Jay-Z wakes up to (PopBytes)

Clone Farrah Fawcett (Radar)

Justin Timberlake gets a makeover (SeriouslyOMG)

The Invincible Onion Ring (SocialiteLife)

Superbowl Ad Superbowl (SquareEyes)

A troupe of ambitious young men prepare for their new lives as Pete Doherty impersonators at the Angels Costumiers sale in London. Nearby, a Robert Downey Junior lookalike prepares for an Elvis-themed comeback.

The Little Fashion Troll has been captioned, and captioned well. Here is our fabulous winner for this week, and the fabulous imaginary swag to go with the immeasurable esteem of one’s peers.

Jennie Says:
February 4th, 2010 at 6:32 am

Do these pants make my package look big?

Jennie’s sharp eye goes right to the point, or at least the bulge, of the matter. And for her imaginary trophy, nothing less than the completely fabulous will do. What shall it be? Shoes too high to walk in? Hats too big to be seen under? No, it must be more, MORE! It must be: a personalized fantasy in which John Galliano Himself Screams at you While Dressed (?) as the Red Queen. But at least in this fantasy you get to lord it over everyone who was only screamed at by Tyra Banks, AND you get to keep the dress and flamingo.

Yes, it’s up on Friday! The winner of last week’s contest will be announced tomorrow, so you have till I wake up to get your caption on.

Now, of this image it must be said that at this point on a Friday night (fill in the blanks yourselves) I’m not entirely sure who German actor Erol Sander is, but he’s cute and I once trained a Samoyed named Errol and he was cute too, and Errol Flynn was cute and nefarious and had his autopsy conducted not far from where I’m sitting and apparently (and you didn’t hear this from me) the most interesting bits went missing!

Oh goodness me, I’m starting to sound like Plumcake, and I haven’t had NEARLY enough espresso for that, so without further ado we will invite you to post your caption in the comments. Best caption wins, as always, entirely virtual, and entirely fabulous, swag.

Doesn’t shoe designer/living god Christian Louboutin look just impossibly dapper here? And, as always, his shoes are the FIERCENESS!

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé’s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

It SAID “uniform,” Snoop Dummy.

My, my. That’s quite a treasure chest you’ve got there. Model (no specific gender) and Madonna impersonator Gina Lisa Lohfink shows off a corset good enough to eat. Below, more chocouture from the Lambertz chocolate boutique fashion show.

is it just the warming effect of standing so close to Alice Cooper, the #1 choice in hot senior rocker dudes for those who can’t bring themselves to fancy Rod Stewart?

It must be one or the other, if Katy Perry’s cleverly (and pro-actively) aerated armpits are anything to judge by.

Here’s everyone’s favorite Fashion Troll, all dolled up and on the runway at his Dior show. Go on and use the comments section to abuse him. Do your worst: look in his eyes, you can tell he likes it like that.

As the silver-tongued charmer Robin Williams so memorably put it, pregnant women get a visit from the Titty Fairy; as he did not mention, this can cause some difficulty in the Supportive Undergarmenture Department. Here, new mother Camilla Alves shows a creative solution to the problem of propagating pulchritude: supportive webbing criss-crossing the Ladies like an underwire made of veterinary-strength lead rope. Lifts, Separates, and, in a pinch, can be used as emergency bungee lines.