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This is a green dress, no really in a way

I believe this is the first time the red carpet at Cannes has played host to any garment made from plastic foam muffin pans, but then there’s a first for everything.

Carey Mulligan Cannes do!

Yet another snap from a Cannes photocall, in this case for the Great Gatsby (or the Mediocre Gatsby if you believe the reviewers). In this shot, director Baz Luhrmann congratulates Carey Mulligan on her brilliant re-purposing of an ironing board cover and a pair of maternity pants.

Julianne Moore Toes Noes

The drag queens call this “serving shrimp,” but whatever you call it, it’s quite clear from this photo of the red carpet at Cannes that Julianne Moore Cannes stand a great deal of pain.

Richard Branson welcomes you

So it seems Richard Branson lost a bet and had to play flight attendant on his own airline. When he wasn’t spilling drinks on the bet-winner’s lap and trying to mop them up (with his tongue?) Sir Richard of Virgin was presumably playing out this scene in his head.

As for the rest of us, we can only hope that the brand name is a binding contract. NOBODY wants to be a member of that particular mile-high club.

Robin Williams wins the internet today.

I think I wore it better! twitter.com/robinwilliams/…

— Robin Williams (@robinwilliams) May 8, 2013

And as if simple visuals weren’t enough to snag him the victory cup in this playoff, it’s doubtful he’s ever lied about being a Size Four.

So apparently the Met is throwing punk parties nowadays; well, I guess someone had to, what with CBGBs closed and the Mudd Club closed and Max’s Kansas City closed and…everything closed, and half the people dead. So they threw a party called “PUNK: Chaos to Couture,” invited the Living Dead, the Social Skeletons, and the mummified dowagers and their walkers to a gala and…

Sienna Miller was the best-dressed woman there?

Sienna Miller at the Met Gala

I know, I know, I’m losing my edge: first Katy Perry, now Sienna Miller. Both women I love to loathe, and both hit it out of the park in terms of the right fashion at the right time and place. It’s not easy to do glam punk, but Miller does it here with a jacket and headpiece worth more than Jonny Rotten ever spent on heroin in his entire life. But she still doesn’t look like she’s in costume; she looks like she could wear that with ripped jeans in a squat and be as relaxed and at home as Gwyneth Paltrow pretends to be when surrounded by food.

But that’s costume, gala punk. The Little Fashion Troll, he is the real thing.

Galliano is gloriously insane

And can someone tell me why, out of that entire fringey shorts over the camo shorts with the Pucci scarf with the prepster vest with the Derelicte jacket I am focused entirely on the feet and wondering where (and why) he ever got camel-toed British military socks? Do the Japanese do a lot of deer stalking in the Highlands or something? If they do, trust John Galliano to sneak up and snag their look when they’re not looking.

Selina Gomez ;aughs at your notions of conventional beauty

That’s right, girls. He gave up being with you to be with that. Sharpen your emery boards: it’s a rumble in the common room after third period.

Katy Perry at Nerdprom

Sure, Katy Perry has made something of a business out of looking hot and confused, but we’ve got the same blank look of puzzlement on our faces here (even the cats). What kind of world are we living in when Katy Perry is:

1. invited to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner
2. the best-dressed woman there?

To what, good readers, cometh the world?