Ayyyy!

PLUMCAKE: What you don’t see is that in the next frame, Randy teaches Paula how to put on lipstick without using any hands, Molly Ringwald style.

SPIRIT FINGERS: So that would make Paula the basketcase, and not just because she married Emilio Estevez (the athlete).

MANOLO: Simon is, I just think this is horrid. You’re trying for saucy and you’re coming up trampy. Do you really believe America is crying out for this?

SPIRIT FINGERS: No, she certainly didn’t put her best boob forward tonight.

(more…)

Manolo asks, what are these extensions made of? Matted straw and chicken manure?

Smells like Courtney Love? (Agent Bedhead)

Kathy Griffin is engaged, about to be richer than God (Celebitchy)

Jennifer Aniston…still getting work in movies (CelebritySmack)

Jennifer Garner’s six pack (CelebSlam)

Rock and Roll Facelift Roundup (CityRag)

Debra Messing is bringing the muu-muu back (DailyStab)

Vanessa and Zac: splitsville? (Derek Hail)

Angie is Nicole’s guardian angel (Dlisted)

speaking of which, Angie’s only slept with four men (Glosslip)

Justine Bateman works the Holly Hobbie look (GoFugYourself)

Oscar de la Hoya in fishnets? (HollywoodRag)

Lee Greenwood needs the green, not red, white and blue (Hollywood Offender)

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull spoilers (JoBlo)

Prince Freddie von Mr. Zsa Zsa speaks out (TMZ)

Yes, OJ is free. Lock up your blondes (Defamer)

Who wore it better: Amy Wino vs Edward Scissorhands (HolyCandy)

Britney’s partying again. Big shocker, eh? (I’m Not Obsessed!)

Dita covers up nicely (Mollygood)

Alicia Silverstone gets nekkid for Peta (FitSugar)

Pictured above, looking fabulous, are Kate Moss and her replacement Courtney Love if you believe the rumours:

Rocker Courtney Love is reportedly dating Kate Moss’ rocker ex Pete Doherty.

The couple was spotted kissing and cuddling over lunch in a Wiltshire, England, pub. It is believed the former Hole frontwoman was visiting the Babyshambles singer during his spell in rehab. A source tells Britain’s The Daily Star, “It’s too early to say if it could be romance. But these two are both musicians, both self destructive and rather poetic.”

How very very true, source to The Daily Star. It doesn’t have to make sense, but the joining of two musicians in love is always a cataclysmic event, leading to a simultaneous outpouring of self-destruction and poetry. Upon hearing this latest revelation, Kate could only shake her head wildly and rend her vintage couture garment in profound despair. Her night was well and ruined but all was not lost. At least she had come up with a cute little number for the next Topshop collection.

Manolo says, Madonna is the Perfect Mum!

Madonna has been given the all-clear to formally adopt African tot David by the head of Malawi’s Social Services.

The singer, 49, and husband Guy Ritchie played perfect parents to impress Malawi’s chief social welfare officer Simon Chisale, who spent three days as a guest at their 16-bedroom London home.

Afterwards he said he was won over by their domestic bliss - especially when Madonna appeared from the kitchen wearing an apron fresh from baking cakes “looking like a perfect mum”.

The perfect celebrity mother, just like Donna Reed, or Joan Crawford!

Mr Chisale visited over a 72-hour period with Madonna, Guy, 38, and their children Lourdes, 10, Rocco, seven, and two-year-old David.

He saw Madonna’s music studio and Guy’s study and also a special African “zoo room” which she has built to educate her children about David’s continent.

He described the luxury carpets in their home as “like walking on live sheep”.

Madonna spares no expense, beyotches! Live sheep for the carpet! Live pygmies for the Zoo Room!

And he was delighted to find a a butler waiting for him at the front door. He said: “He saluted and said ‘Mr Chisale, I presume’.

“I found Guy in the sitting room. Madonna was in the kitchen. Guy said, ‘The visitor is here!’ Madonna came through wiping her hands with a towel.

Having just slaughtered several wildebeest for David’s culturally appropriate dinner.

Manolo says, here is the Catherine Zeta-Jones, yesterday and today, in Tokyo. Apparently, she has decided that animal prints are the best way to trick the Japanese into seeing her new movie.

Ahoy! Arrrr! Yo-ho-ho and all that, fer today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Here be some fine linkage ter get ye in the swashbucklin’ mood:
How to Release the Pirate Within
How to be a Pirate Girl
Act Like a Pirate
Talk Like a Pirate
Avast! The Pirate Blog (I be wantin’ a “I can has booty” kitty so bad it hurrrts)

Ye may be a wee bit constrain’d by a blasted worrrkplace grog policy but by hook or crook we’ll have ye swiggin’ aways like Bai Lin’ at a jolly aft-party party. Ah me beauty Bai Lin’, thar goes one o’ the rumthirstiest, maddest, posiest buccaneers as ever wore way too many accessorrrries.

You know, it’s not the most pleasant of chores, but you might want to be a bit more careful when changing your sanitary items.

(And guy down the back, I really don’t think this is a very visually appealing picture to be in).

So the rumor that someone has put a hit out on Kevin Federline seems to be untrue, and I for one am glad.

While I am not a huge supporter of the man who most likely smells like a potent combination of stale tube socks and astroglide, I cannot help but think that murder isn’t really the way to go on this one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a drunken, panty-less vendetta as much as the next girl, but K-Fed has given us so much –and we don’t just mean that weird rash shaped like Hugh Laurie’s head from that time we used the unisex after him at the airport…no, he’s made me believe in America again.

I mean, where but the good ole Yoonited States can a stoat-faced backup dancer whose only talent is put in grave peril every time he gets enough quarters to ride the K-Mart bouncy horse, grow up to marry America’s favorite lip-synching, python-dancing, pop-and-locking fake virgin?

So I say to Kevin “Possum Toof” Federline: you may be as simple as you are unclean, but you’re what makes this country great. Quaff deeply, sir. Quaff deeply for America.

Did you know:

In the 16th century, eating an artichoke was reserved only for men. Women were denied the pleasure because the artichoke was considered an aphrodisiac and was thought to enhance sexual power.

Did you also know:

In the 21st century, not only are women allowed to lasciviously devour artichokes to their hearts content, they may also go about dressed up like one if the House of Hermès has crafted for them a handbag in a matching colour.

Manolo says, the People magazine reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Miller Thorton Sorta-Pitt (nee Voight) are not done having and/or acquiring the babies!

Brad Pitt says he and Angelina Jolie going to need a bigger bed – for their expanding brood.

“We’re not done,” Pitt, 43, quipped, acknowledging public interest in the family’s growth. “They say, ‘Any plans for a fifth?’ And I say, ‘And a sixth, and a seventh, and an eighth, and a ninth.’ That’s my answer.”

“We also made a 9-foot-wide bed” that fits him, Jolie, 32, and all four children, Pitt who is starring in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, told the Associated Press. “Just big enough. One more and we’ll have to go to 11 feet.”

The Jolie-Pitt clan already consists of four kids, all born in Asia or Africa: Maddox, 6, Pax, 3, Zahara, 2, and Shiloh, 1. And, while one parent works in front of the camera, the other takes time off to look after them.

“We just take turns and make sure we keep the family together,” Pitt said, adding in an interview with USA Today, “It’s impossible for us. We’re run out of every major city. There’s just too many paparazzi. There’s always cameras in the kids’ faces, yelling their names.”

And the sixth, and the seventh, and the eighth….were does it stop?

The Manolo does not know. Perhaps we should ask their apparent role models, the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Springdale Arkansas.

Actually, if one has the resources, and the love to spare, and can be the good parent, why not have as many children as possible?

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James are puck bunnies (Daily Stab)

Britney: fired, barred, ejected, dangerous, subpoena’d, custodyless, and still stuck with Federline (Agent Bedhead)

Sugababes vs James Blunt, pot vs kettle (Celebrity Smack)

Mary-Louise Parker adopts a baby (We Love Celebs)

Sally Field’s bleep is the quote o’ the day (GabbyBabble)

Barry Manilow vs Elizabeth Hasselbeck (Gone Hollywood)

David Beckham joins the Men in Black (Holy Candy)

Lindsay Lohan’s street style (Cityrag)

Keira Knightly is HUUUUUUGE! (I’m Not Obsessed)

Tori Amos serenades Britney Spears (LA Rag Mag)

Angelina Jolie trips out at Disneyland (Pop on the Pop)

Chloe Sevigny’s rehab-themed photoshoot for Harper’s Bazaar (Hollywood Backwash)

Paula Abdul and her metrosexual man (HolyMoly)

Jennifer Garner is the superfantastic! (Popsugar)

Ozzie and Sharon’s new crib (WizbangPop)

Shia Le Buff (WOW Report)

O.J. has a girlfriend? (Glossip)

Sharon Stone does Dior (Players, Haters, and Imitators)

Chris Crocker-themed Myspace graphics (MyMyspace)