ScarJo is a total diva (DailyStab)

Paris is a lederhosen monkey (Agent Bedhead)

Prince is still the King of Fashion (Celebrity Smack!)

Jessica Simpson trashes the dress, drunk (I’m Not Obsessed)

America’s Next Hot Pornstar press conference (HolyCandy)

Saint Bob Geldof is Satan (CeleBitchy)

Rose McGowan knows Jennifer Grey’s pain (A Socialite’s Life)

Angie’s brood is a handful (Hollywood Offender)

Dan Rather’s lawsuit’s horoscope (Jossip)

Eartha Kitt’s still got it, still uses it effectively (Stereohyped)

Miss South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton and Donald Trump, together again for the first time (WorldNetDaily)

Courtney Love tore the dress off Kate Moss? (Hollywood Backwash)

Mary-Louise Parker’s new baby (EvilBeet)

Beyonce is back to black (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Happy Birthday Sophia Loren: older and hotter than us! (Mollygood)

After being named FHM’s “Sexiest Woman” for 2007 and Yahoo! Personals most desired female, and pretty much having the most googled thong-clad ass on the internet, where does one go from there?

If you’re Jessica Alba, you move on to building up a new fanbase.  While filming Good Luck Chuck with some African penguins. she was able to parlay her sexual allure to overcome her co-stars’ “spasticity” and social awkwardness:

“They’re lovely little animals and they don’t like everybody, but they liked me right away. I found a way to tickle them on their neck, which is how their handlers do it. Usually they are kind of spastic and stiff, but they would lay down and kind of purr when I did that. That’s when I knew they liked me.”

Sources on the set said she also won many penguin admirers with her impersonations of a succulent fish begging to be caught from a pond (as shown above).   What a doll! It’s only a matter of time before she tops the “Celebrity I’d Most Like To Be Monogamous With” list in Menguins magazine.

If you’ve ever wondered how the Garner-Afflecks of the world maintain marital harmony, then wonder no more. 

And here I was thinking that when push came to shove, they put on their corniest leather outfits and went at it with sai daggers and billy clubs.

…is there anything in this entire get-up that isn’t questionable?

I just don’t even know where to start.

Okay, how about that you’re not even 40 (How? How is that possible? I remember doing the Loco-motion when I young, back before I sold my soul for some day-old Buffalo wings and this neat-o fiberglass liver) and yet you seem to have gone a bit piscine about the mouth-ital region, meanwhile your eyebrows are trying to mosey off into the sunset that’s apparently found about four inches behind your natural hairline. That would be troublesome enough because, you know, that’s a lot of landscaping for someone in their 30′s.

But then we need to talk about the outfit. What exactly is going on here? It’s like you’re playing Second Flying Monkey in an all-singing, all-dancing new production of “The Wizard of Oz” as performed by the Upper Ottowa Motorcycle Seat and Glad Bag Recyclers Union, Local 303, and while I give much love to the UOMS&GBRU (303) I’m just not entirely sure that’s a look you’d be lucky (lucky lucky lucky) to recreate.

PLUMCAKE: What you don’t see is that in the next frame, Randy teaches Paula how to put on lipstick without using any hands, Molly Ringwald style.

SPIRIT FINGERS: So that would make Paula the basketcase, and not just because she married Emilio Estevez (the athlete).

MANOLO: Simon is, I just think this is horrid. You’re trying for saucy and you’re coming up trampy. Do you really believe America is crying out for this?

SPIRIT FINGERS: No, she certainly didn’t put her best boob forward tonight.

(more…)

Manolo asks, what are these extensions made of? Matted straw and chicken manure?

Smells like Courtney Love? (Agent Bedhead)

Kathy Griffin is engaged, about to be richer than God (Celebitchy)

Jennifer Aniston…still getting work in movies (CelebritySmack)

Jennifer Garner’s six pack (CelebSlam)

Rock and Roll Facelift Roundup (CityRag)

Debra Messing is bringing the muu-muu back (DailyStab)

Vanessa and Zac: splitsville? (Derek Hail)

Angie is Nicole’s guardian angel (Dlisted)

speaking of which, Angie’s only slept with four men (Glosslip)

Justine Bateman works the Holly Hobbie look (GoFugYourself)

Oscar de la Hoya in fishnets? (HollywoodRag)

Lee Greenwood needs the green, not red, white and blue (Hollywood Offender)

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull spoilers (JoBlo)

Prince Freddie von Mr. Zsa Zsa speaks out (TMZ)

Yes, OJ is free. Lock up your blondes (Defamer)

Who wore it better: Amy Wino vs Edward Scissorhands (HolyCandy)

Britney’s partying again. Big shocker, eh? (I’m Not Obsessed!)

Dita covers up nicely (Mollygood)

Alicia Silverstone gets nekkid for Peta (FitSugar)

Pictured above, looking fabulous, are Kate Moss and her replacement Courtney Love if you believe the rumours:

Rocker Courtney Love is reportedly dating Kate Moss’ rocker ex Pete Doherty.

The couple was spotted kissing and cuddling over lunch in a Wiltshire, England, pub. It is believed the former Hole frontwoman was visiting the Babyshambles singer during his spell in rehab. A source tells Britain’s The Daily Star, “It’s too early to say if it could be romance. But these two are both musicians, both self destructive and rather poetic.”

How very very true, source to The Daily Star. It doesn’t have to make sense, but the joining of two musicians in love is always a cataclysmic event, leading to a simultaneous outpouring of self-destruction and poetry. Upon hearing this latest revelation, Kate could only shake her head wildly and rend her vintage couture garment in profound despair. Her night was well and ruined but all was not lost. At least she had come up with a cute little number for the next Topshop collection.