Ayyyy!

Manolo says, remember this, from ten years ago?

Why did you finally decide to change your name to Deborah?

When I called myself Debbie initially, it was because everyone else was uncomfortable calling me Deborah. So I went, “Well, let me make everyone feel comfortable.” But I didn’t feel comfortable because anyone who’s ever known me has always called me Deborah. It’s kind of where I feel I’ve reached my limit and I want to say, ‘You know what? My name is Deborah.” I just feel it’s more representative of what I’m doing now, and the whole thing that goes along with getting older, being more comfortable with yourself.

Apparently the name ‘Deborah’ is more representative of women who look like they have careers performing show tunes on board discount cruise ships.

Backstreet Fuggers (GoFugYourself)

Tom Cruise remembers latest wedding just fine, thank you (I’mNotObsessed)

Hayden Panettiere gets a ring from Milo (CeleBitchy)

Pete Doherty, responsible citizen (People)

Halle Berry has lovely preggo bumps (CelebSlam)

Heidi Klum explains Seal’s appeal (AgentBedhead)

Britney and KFed together again! (DListed)

Carrie Underwood on GMA (DailyStab)

Justin Timberlake is jetlagged, uncommunicative, hawt (SeriouslyOMG)

Paris Hilton wears German panties (wears panties? who knew?) (StupidCelebrities)

Amy Winehouse’s Double Trouble Combo (CelebritySmack)

Amy is a size queen, too! (CelebWarship)

Gretchen Mol gives birth to ancient Egyptian pharaoh (EvilBeet)

Eve, barefaced (Bossip)

Michael Lohan feels blessed by celebrity (PerezHilton)

Larry Craig, “creative financier” (Queerty)

Attention Spice World fans: Announcing Documentary Spice! (JustJared)

The tabloid roundup (Jezebel)

Far from being grateful about continuing to get work despite his paucity of talent, Josh Hartnett has been moaning over his experience with yak hair:

“They made the beard out of yak hair because it’s curly, I guess… but they wouldn’t tell me that. They told me it was made out of human hair, from some Eastern European prostitute’s hair.

“It was the worst because… it would fall out and, if you were eating, you’d get little pieces of yak hair in your food. It’s like yak DNA and no one tells you where the yak hair comes from on the yak.”

Quit your incessant whining, you squinty-faced ingrate. Some of your peers have been practically suffocating themselves in yak hair for several fashion seasons now, with nary a whimper.  This sort of professionalism is precisely why Mary-Kate, rather than Josh, has received the gushing approval of Sir Ben Kingsley.

Eva Longoria Parker on modelling for Bebe Sport:

I used to be an aerobics instructor so I really know what works well for that type of activity. I love how stylish and comfortable the collection is.

Like a leather catsuit and stiletto heels? Oh Eva, we have steaming bucketloads to learn from you in the area of cardiovascular fitness.

Marie Osmond: no longer a ringer for Yvonne DeCarlo (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Pink sees red (CelebSlam)

Tara Reid’s liver cries UNCLE! (TheSkinny)

Reese and Jake go public (I’mNotObsessed)

Colin Farrell, bored at Borders (DailyStab)

Britney’s frenemies boycott her album (Yeeeah)

Did Halle Berry just destroy her career? She thinks so (CelebWarship)

Britney Spears, Road Warrior, gets another notch (GoneHollywood)

Ellen DeGeneris, Dog Launderer (GossipOrTruth)

Is Carmen Electra wearing an Amanda Bynes costume? (PopBytes)

We, the people, believe Britney Spears should be First Lady of France (BuckHollywood)

Oprah’s dark, sexy past (GabbyBabble)

Mariah Carey gets waxed onstage (HolyCandy)

Heidi Fleiss is hiring (EvilBeet)

Attack of the soap star! (WOWreport)

Denise Richards is a witch; surprise! (Gabsmash)

Celebrity Jack-o-lanterns: Britney Spears (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Johnny Depp paints a portrait of love (ICYDK)

TomKat & Suri don’t buy this global warming guff (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The Manliest Man’s Man on the planet! (AskMen)

California Fire Coverage: Save the Soaps! (Defamer)

Manolo says, the mostly benign Hollywood lunatic, Shirley MacLaine, has revealed that leprechaun-like Ohio Congressman, and 2008 Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich has received instructions from his UFO mothership.

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich has seen a UFO, writes Shirley MacLaine in her new book, “Sage-Ing While Age-Ing.”

Kucinich, she writes on page143-144 of the book, “had a close sighting over my home in Graham, Washington, when I lived there. Dennis found his encounter extremely moving. The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for ten minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn’t comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.”

[…]

MacLaine is a well-known believer of UFOs and reincarnation. And she’s been close to Kucinich for decades. MacLaine is the godmother of Kucinich’s daughter and attended Kucinich’s 2005 Cleveland wedding to third wife, Elizabeth, who’s often campaigning by his side.

Well, who hasn’t seen the rose-smelling UFO while staying at Shirley MacLaine’s house?

Beware the fake French actor, the bane of any European film festival. He will make a mockery of your security detail and infiltrate the most sacred of places that is the celebrity gift suite:

Police said Friday that the Depardieu doppelganger looked and sounded enough like the real thing that staff members at the Hotel de Russie allowed him into the gift suite, where he reportedly took a purse, a bikini, a pair of sunglasses, a cashmere sweater and a designer bra. The error was discovered a short time later, but by then the look-alike was long gone.

As to why the impostor made off with those particular items, one cannot judge him other than to say that in late October most of the Mediterranean coast is still balmy enough for beach-going but the temperatures cool down enough at night to warrant an extra layer.

To avoid future transgressions of this nature, I recommend that everyone please pay extra attention to pictures of the genuine article below.  Note the untucked dress shirt, the unpolished shoes, the ruddy features, the curve of the right thumb, and most of all don’t forget to check for the authentication card inside one of the coat pockets.

Honestly, we’re all just relieved it’s a picture of her face.

Aarggggghhhh, this is exactly why my ancestors built the Great Wall in the first place - to keep out the foreign invaders and their loud logos and their fantastical creations of cloth and their penchant for turning any bit of space into a catwalk:

With a section of the awe-inspiring, 4,000-mile-long structure snaking up the mountain behind them, 88 models walked a runway 88 meters long (the esteemed number eight connoting prosperity in China) in an expanded version of Fendi’s spring-summer collection.

It should be the other way round! If it’s serious about being the next superpower China should be conquering other world famous landmarks: Shaolin monks doing flying kicks and shooting energy balls from the Statue of Liberty, drag rickshaw racing over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, mahjong tournaments on the top deck of the Eiffel Tower, a giant wok cook-off in the middle of the Colosseum, and so forth.

Instead we have Zhang Ziyi cuddling up to a two-toned Kate Bosworth in winsome delight, acting as if she had never partied with a giant panda before.  This is most unpatriotic, I say. 

Willie Nelson’s celebrity tractor race (Stillisstillmoving)

If a sex doll could sing, it would sound like this (MrTabloid)

Celebrity houses in Malibu wildfire danger (I’mNotObsessed)

Nicole Kidman, fattie (HolyMoly)

Kate Moss, fattie (TheSkinnyWebsite)

Hayden Panettiere, fattie (CelebSlam)

Britney Spears, fattie (TheMeatScale)

Paris Hilton, popsicle (AgentBedhead)

Zac Efron, cutie (JustJared)

Jessica Biel, Martian (CelebritySmack)

Britney Spears, bikini-buff (DailyStab)

Ellen DeGeneris, serial dog regifter (Yeeeah)

Jake Gyllenhaal, toilet connoisseur (BricksAndStones)

Anderson Cooper, built (LARagMag)

Marie Osmond, unconscious (Defamer)

Kirstie Alley, cheater (CelebrityBabylon)

Jennifer Hudson, bridesmaid (GoFugYourself)

Bo Duke, hunk(HolyCandy)

Tyra Banks, fierce (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

Dumbledore, gay (Popwatch)

As people caught hoarding stacks of erotic fiction often say, don’t judge a book by its cover. But what about judging a book by its author?

Even though Rachel Zoe (with rose apodaca) may be the only one who can lead us down the path of Everything Glamour, is it really wise for us to run out and buy her book for $17, thereby filling the coffers of somebody who has no intention of spending the proceeds on items of nutritional value?

Manolo says, the Manolo, who spends part of each year living in the ‘Bu, watched with distress yesterday as the Malibu Canyon Fire crept perilously close to his summer place.

Happily for the Manolo, disaster was averted. Sadly, this was not the case for the owners of the Malibu’s famous Kashan Castle, which was burned to the ground by the fast moving fire. Disastrously, the castle was said to be in escrow, with the final walk through to be conducted this Wednesday.

Malibu Castle, which perished in today’s fire, was actually in Escrow and set to have the final walk-through on Wednesday.

The deal was expected to close this Friday, and while the final selling price can’t be confirmed, it had an asking price of $17 million.

This is especially bad news for celebrity realtor, Scotty Brown, one of the stars of Bravo TV’s reality show, Million Dollar Listing, who had the listing on this very expensive piece of property.

Described by selling agent Scotty Brown as a “real entertainer’s paradise for the truly unique”, The Castle in Malibu sits on its own private knoll, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. There are six bedrooms, eight bathrooms, garaging for eight cars and a pool.

The Manolo is especially sorry to hear this, as he once spent the very pleasant afternoon chatting amiably with Scotty, whom he found to be the perfect example of the hail-fellow-well-met.

P.S. More about the Castle Kashan from the Real Estalker Blog