Ayyyy!

Manolo says, even if the “father” is cadaverous.

One is picked on for having a perfect life, the other has to deal with having a seemingly perfect wife.

Pamela Anderson may not have the best record on staying married, but she cannot be faulted for trying to make things work when the initial euphoria of incessant lovemaking and “hey I hooked up with Pamela Anderson!” has fizzled out.  Which in this case, is probably around the 2 month mark.

Even strong marriages can reach the point where one passes out on the couch beside their oblivious husband as he ponders what he has got himself into. And if things don’t eventually work out then all is not lost, at least for Pamela.  Rest assured, there will always be someone waiting in the wings to ready to slip a diamond onto her ring finger.

Starring Dustin Hoffman at the London premiere of Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.

First you got yer run o’ the mill giant wooden toy soldier replete with phalltastic beef-eater hat and value-add manly (possibly Jewish?) drumstick.

and sure, if this were a regular celebrity blog, that would be all you got, but because we here at Ayyyy! Go the extra Freudian mile for your pleasure and occasional discomfort, I am proud to present to you one Mister Dustin Hoffman and the Giant Pink Stiltwalker.

A little word of advice. Don’t stare at the neon pink bowling pins too long. It’s like a magic eye you can never unsee.

Lucille Le Sueur? Celebrities’ real names revealed! (Dissfunktional)

Britney is pulling a Meg Ryan (NewsOfTheWorld)

Duelling bedhead: Javier Bardem vs Eli Roth (AgentBedhead)

Johnny Depp looks sweet in Sweeney Todd (GothMagazineBlog)

Marilyn Manson starts his holiday shopping early, gets sued (HolyMoly)

Boy George’s morning-after look. Morning after arrest for being kinky and felonious, that is (TheBlemish)

Pete Doherty’s bus is as dry as Utah, perhaps as full of powder (WOWReport)

news flash: Scarlett Johanssen says Woody Allen likes looking at boobs (WendyWayrad)

Now hear this! Lindsay Lohan has her period (Lohanfan)

Dennis Rodman may not be 100% gentleman (FemaleFirst)

Obama sez: “I inhaled!” (CNNPoliticalticker)

Paris is back, biotches! And looking like a Florida retiree (TheMeatScale)

Tyra’s sex life ruined by “problem hair” (HolyCandy)

Shia Laboeuf on Shia Laboeuf (ImNotObsessed)

Quiet Riot goes quiet once and for all (CelebritySmack)

Battle of the Saints: Julia Roberts vs Angelina Jolie (CeleBitchy)

Black, whack, and back: The Jackson 5 are going on tour! (Idolator)

Is Disney “Enchanted” by the F-bomb? (Defamer)

Jonathan Rhys Meyers on prudish actresses:

“I can’t stand actresses who won’t take their clothes off. It drives me nuts. I want to cut their ears off. If it says in the script you’re naked, be naked, instead of moaning and saying, ‘I really don’t want to show my t**s, I don’t want to show my arse.”

Oh so that’s what the look in your eyes is all about - it’s the “I want to cut your ears off” glare which is often so easy to mistake for the “I want to slit your throat” expression.

When you’re a tiny, lesser-known Russian republic that can’t afford Jet Li and Jean Claude Van Damme doesn’t have an opening in his schedule until mid-March, then you just have to suck it up and put in a call to “Action Lama” Steven Seagal:

Steven Seagal sampled sheep soup and prayed at a Buddhist shrine during a visit to a poor region in southern Russia on Tuesday.

The action movie star of such films as Under Siege and Exit Wounds accepted an invitation to visit Kalmykia from its quixotic president, Kirsan Ilyumzhinov.

During the trip, Seagal was obliged to play some chess - Ilyumzhinov’s favourite game.

The millionaire Ilyumzhinov has made a name for himself heading chess’ world governing body, suppressing local political opposition and claiming that he has communicated with aliens.

For his troubles, Seagal was awarded an honorary citizenship but I’m not sure how often he’ll be back to make enough use of his visa-free travel. But then again this Ilyumzhinov guy sounds like a fascinating character who warrants further study, quite easily the quintessential villain in a Steven Seagal movie. Throw in a couple of scenes in those fancy robes flailing that wooden plaque about woodenly and he’ll have a perfectly serviceable straight-to-DVD movie called Marked Pawn. Or Under Siege 3: Somewhere near the Caspian. Or even Nomad’s Land.

“In the case of this redneck’s five-month old joey, you are….NOT the father!”

“I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!! *does cartwheels* I knew that ho had been sleepin’ around! Dat baby dun look nuthin’ like me!”

“NOOOOOOO!!! *rolls into fetal position* NOOOOO!!!! I was 1327% sure he was my baby daddy!”

It’s the perennial question that dogs every female preparing for the red carpet: Is it better to wear my breasts up or down?

With both ladies winning awards on the night, I guess we’ll have to call it a tie between the two schools of thought.

For the intense gamer - Bioshock (Xbox 360/$56.99, PC/$39.99), Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Wii/$49.99)

For the passionate wine handler - Rabbit Deluxe Corkscrew ($59.95)

For the confirmed hedonist - Zagat Survey: Top Hotels, Resorts & Spas ($34.95) and Zagat Survey: 2007/08 America’s Top Golf Courses ($34.95)

For the smooth operator - John W. Nordstrom Patterned Wool Scarf ($75)

For the action movie aficionado - Blade Runner Five-Disc Ultimate Collector’s Edition ($54.99) and The Jason Bourne Collection ($34.99)

For the life of the party - Paul Smith Mini Car Striped Cuff Links ($95)

For the avid listener - Uncle Kimono the band t-shirt ($39) and Shure E2c-n Sound Isolating Earphones ($69)

For the handsome fox - Harrison navy cashmere crewneck sweater ($115)

For the urban wanderer - Stone Island Travel & Duffel Bag ($145)

For the always prepared - Garmin eTrex Venture HC GPS Navigation System ($189.99)

For the wickedly witty - Anne Taintor Wall Calendar ($10) & Thursday Next: First Among Sequels ($16.47)

For the fabulous jet setter - L’OCCITANE Verbena & Aroma Travel Treasures Set ($35) & philosophy lip shine, a few good men trio ($25)

For the perpetually jolly - GAP crazy stripe V-neck sweater ($49.50)

For the languid beauty - Oscar de la Renta Rose Print Robe ($69)

For the hoarder of shiny baubles - Fossil Weekender Jewellery Box ($78)

For the sparkling personality - Gorjana Lotus Earrings ($85)

For the belle of the ball - Furla silk-chiffon stole ($115)

For the workout enthusiast - Lacoste Fitness Bag ($120)

For the warm at heart - GUESS? Back Belt Wool Blend Peacoat ($125)

For the festive reveller - Tocca aquamarine flocked carpet “Mara” east west bag ($129.99)

Well, David Gest IS nuts (April Winchell)

Best Thanksgiving Day Special ever? (BestWeekEver)

A fresh-faced Tara Reid stays klassy (BricksAndStones)

Borat, Bride of Borat, and Baby Borat (CelebWarship)

Elderporn: Katie Couric blackmail scandal (CeleBitchy)

Shocker: Kimora Lee Simmons can read! (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lohan jumps off the wagon again (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Jessica Simpson borrows a practice baby (BittenAndBound)

Andrew Lloyd Webber hates drunk audiences, loves drunk performers (HolyMoly)

Britney Spears waxes the babymaker, neglects the rest (DanasDirt)

Jennifer Aniston attends her 20th anniversary reunion (HolyCandy)

Heidi Klum and Seal not quite getting these American traditions (ImNotObsessed)

Nicole Richie serves the homeless. Yes, that’s what I said. (JustJared)

Joss Stone: yes, my boyfriend was a creepy pedo (PerezHilton)

Pete Doherty, hearthrob? (TheMeatScale)

It’s official: Scientology scores the Fresh Prince. Paging Carleton… (Yeeeeah)

Amy Winehouse, hamster-hater? (DListed)