Just think, next year it could be some other guy we had never heard of until Britney decided to bear the fruit of his loins:

Who got Britney Spears pregnant for a third time? While it may not be quite the mystery of the eighties prime time soap Dallas “Who shot J.R.?” the initials are the same according to a cover story from this week’s In Touch Weekly. The magazine claims that the young record producer J.R. Rotem has confirmed that Britney is pregnant and he is the daddy.

Oh the humanity! Is this a good idea? The weekly entertainment magazine will report in this week’s issue that on November 14, Britney Spears confided to her friends in e-mails that she was four weeks pregnant – and that she was sure the father was J.R. Rotem.

“Little girl, your skin is not bad but I can see the faint beginnings of forehead lines caused by your petulant frowning and brow-furrowing. 

Not to worry, with a wave of my magic needle we’ll soon have you looking as eternally youthful as Christian Slater.”

Screw boring old Biba, Vivienne Westwood IS British Fashion. Rock stars dress like rock stars because in 1971 Viv Westwood safety-pinned Sid Vicious and called it a day, so it is this humble blogger’s opinion that Dame V can wear whatever she damn well feels like wearing, and if that means the scalped remains of Nicole Kidman’s human form, a LBD she literally tore off Posh Spice in the fifth floor bathroom of Harvey Nicks and my meemaw’s rolled-up tablecloth as a cardi, then I say Let It Rock.

For illuminating moments – Orrefors Drop Votive ($23.98)

For folding into fancy shapes – Thomas Paul set of 4 aqua cotton canvas ‘Rose’ napkins($24)

For items to be handled discreetly – Alessi Magic Bunny Toothpick Holder ($29.95)

For a good cup of tea and some irreverent gossip – Kitchen Aid Cinnamon Tea Kettle ($39.95)

For a welcoming mood – Antica Farmacista Home Fragrance Gift Set ($58)

For the finest fruit of the season – Alessi Girotondo Round Basket ($59)

For your favourite Kodak moments (or celebrity mugshots) – Mariposa Beaded Frame ($62 – $108)

For a glorious slumber – Fresno Green 4-piece Comforter Set ($69.99)

For easy entertaining – Eva Solo Glass Carafe Gift Set with Tumblers ($81.95)

For when the flower deliverer comes knocking – Nambe Torso Vase ($99.95)

Manolo says, even if the “father” is cadaverous.

One is picked on for having a perfect life, the other has to deal with having a seemingly perfect wife.

Pamela Anderson may not have the best record on staying married, but she cannot be faulted for trying to make things work when the initial euphoria of incessant lovemaking and “hey I hooked up with Pamela Anderson!” has fizzled out.  Which in this case, is probably around the 2 month mark.

Even strong marriages can reach the point where one passes out on the couch beside their oblivious husband as he ponders what he has got himself into. And if things don’t eventually work out then all is not lost, at least for Pamela.  Rest assured, there will always be someone waiting in the wings to ready to slip a diamond onto her ring finger.

Starring Dustin Hoffman at the London premiere of Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.

First you got yer run o’ the mill giant wooden toy soldier replete with phalltastic beef-eater hat and value-add manly (possibly Jewish?) drumstick.

and sure, if this were a regular celebrity blog, that would be all you got, but because we here at Ayyyy! Go the extra Freudian mile for your pleasure and occasional discomfort, I am proud to present to you one Mister Dustin Hoffman and the Giant Pink Stiltwalker.

A little word of advice. Don’t stare at the neon pink bowling pins too long. It’s like a magic eye you can never unsee.