Ayyyy!

The Braindead Megaphone ($8.40) and In Persuasion Nation ($16.29) - absurdist satire to warm the cockles of your black heart

Rosanna Dessert Plates with Gift Box (Set of 4) ($20.97) - a civilised way to eat dessert

Flat Out Bear MILK 100% Australian Sheepskin Teddy Bear ($43.75) - suitable for flat surfaces including Keira Knightley’s chest

Bare Escentuals Buffing Brush Collection ($49) - use responsibly or you may end up channeling Kelly Osbourne

Twin Peaks The Definitive Gold Box Edition ($69.99) - try not to watch it all in one go for sanity reasons

Simplon Express 16in x 20in Vintage Canvas Print ($79.99) - it will make you pine for Venice, grand journeys and possibly murder mysteries

Fossil Leather Chronograph ($105) - count down the seconds until the next celebrity gets out of a car without wearing underpants

DKNY Wool Blend Belted Walker Coat ($119.99) - ladies, it will serve you well when you choose to venture outside

Coby 8-inch Digital Picture Frame w/ MP3 player ($135) - a classy display for your favourite celebrity mugshots

Asus Eee 4G-Galaxy 7″ PC Mobile Internet Device ($399.99) - for the ultimate Ayyyy! addict, see pics of Sharon Stone’s cameltoe wherever you go

Previously:
Xmas gifts for Her
Xmas gifts for Him
Xmas gifts for the Home

Sooner or later life catches up with you and you wake up to find yourself stranded on a faraway island, competing in Survivor: Alcohol and Plastic Surgery Abuse.

Still gangsta after all these years.

Sightings of Janine Turner nowadays are far and few between but maybe she has good reason (besides not having a regular tv gig) to be laying low.   This is the sort of thing you wear on your head if you have been shunted off into a low-budget Witness Protection Program. Or more plausibly, if you attended the launch of Tiffany & Co’s Blue Book Collection two months ago as a redhead and left hurriedly with your purse weighed down by a maharajah’s haul of gloriously swoonworthy jewels.

The unstoppable fertility of the Spears clan continues unabated (WOWReport)

And they take in a showing of Juno, that teen pregnancy flick (PageSix)

So much for mom Lynne’s parenting book (DailyStab)

Lily Allen, copycat reproducticator (EvilBeet)

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie up the baby ante to 12 (HolyCandy)

Adam Sandler’s new ‘do (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Brad Pitt’s hair through the ages (GabbyBabble)

Amy Winehouse arrested, released (CeleBitchy)

Survivor liar! (CelebritySmack)

Diddy’s party tips (Celebwarship)

Scarlett Johansson as you’ve never seen her before! (PlanetHiltron)

French President Nicolas Sarkozy engaged to supermodel? (AgentBedhead)

Pamela Anderson, natural beauty (DanasDirt)

American Gladiator’s porny past (Defamer)

At last, Britney wins something! (People)

Matthew McConaughey breaks his face (ImNotObsessed)

Worst celebrity parents of the year (Mollygood)

Something to thank Nicolas Cage for: Johnny Depp (PerezHilton)

Britney Spears is/is not/is engaged? (Yeeeeah)

One is filled with the usual novelty items, the other is strangely hollow inside.

At last weekend’s Profiles in History auction, several bidders seized the opportunity to pick up some last minute Xmas gifts for the movie buff in their lives:

A cyborg skeleton from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” brought in nearly $500,000 in an auction of Hollywood memorabilia dominated by props and costumes from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s shoot-’em-up sci-fi franchise.

The T-800 Endoskeleton used in the 1991 film brought in $488,750, said Marc Kruskol, a spokesman for Profiles in History, which staged the auction.

$500,000 may seem quite a sum of money to the average moviegoer but when you think about the wonderful thrills of fear and adrenaline-pumping excitement the cyborg has brought to so many audiences, the cost hardly seems worth quibbling about. Especially when you compare it to the $15 million paid over to Nicole Kidman for The Golden Compass to do pretty much the same thing.

Manolo says, this is technically what is knows as the hams sandwich.

Nicolas Sarkozy is a sexy bitch, and so is his supermodel (AgentBedhead)

Pamela Anderson divorce is on/off/on/what time is it? (CelebritySmack)

Jennifer Love Hewitt is not big-bottomed, she’s pregnant! (Yeeeeah)

Michael Jackson, natural beauty. Do. Not. Click. Without. Strong. Stomach. 4realz (PopOnThePop)

Nicole Kidman wears tinfoil pantsuit, picks up thetans at three furlongs! (CelebWarship)

Heather Mills to write gold digger’s manual? (Gabbybabble)

Beyonce Knowles: singer, dancer, actress, psychic (HolyCandy)

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton welcome another little Goth (CelebrityBabyScoop)

10 most stylish stars of 2007 (ImNotObsessed)

Best autographers in Hollywood (Defamer)

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson sing gaily about drugs! (Jezebel)

Julia Roberts knits fan sweaters for Johnny Depp’s kids (CeleBitchy)

Is Amy Winehouse an addicted loser or a racist addicted loser?  (Mollygood)

Picket-busting buttho’s? (Dlisted)

Any Winehouse Suicide Pact (PerezHilton)

Scared of Santa gallery (TeenyManolo)

In January’s W magazine, we learn that Hilary Swank may have been a bit hypocritical in revealing that ex-husband Chad Lowe had a substance abuse problem:

“This is my Aloe C, which I dissolve in water,” she says, brandishing a giant orange pill. “Here’s my flax. This one’s for my immune system, and this one is my BrainWave—it’s great, like if I have a lot of lines to memorize.” Swank takes nearly 45 supplements a day, tossing them into her mile-wide maw at various hours according to a carefully determined schedule. “I just took my most important ones, which are my Oz Garcia Longevity Pak,” she continues, rattling the empty green packet. “I shoved them in my mouth right before I met you, which I actually shouldn’t do, because I choked on my vitamins once before.”

Of course with any excessive pill-popping, there are potentially serious side effects. But as long as one can memorise the script to unerring perfection, it matters little what uncontrollable limb-contorting gestures accompany the delivery of those award-winning lines.

Although not from farmer stock, Victoria Beckham knows enough about agricultural equipment and heavy machinery to describe her husband’s more salient qualities:

Victoria Beckham has claimed that her husband didn’t have his manhood digitally enhanced for a recent underwear ad campaign.The Spice Girl insists that the bulge in the Emporio Armani advert is genuine and that his equipment is similar to a “tractor exhaust pipe”.

She is quoted as saying: “I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!”

And speaking of bodily protrusions, it looks like David isn’t the only one in the marriage with a natural bulge either.

Christian Louboutins, a weapon in more ways than one when it comes to suspected philandering husbands.  Put them on his credit card and stab him in his sleep when the stress becomes unbearable.