“Goodness me, this party’s an absolute dullfest.  Let’s ditch the Cowardly Lion and check out that new place on Yellow Brick.”

SPIRIT FINGERS: Three generations of women, bound by their bad dyejobs and love for eyeliner. This is not unlike the majority of family Christmas Cards.

PLUMCAKE: And then there’s the benign, Colin Firth-lookin’ dude in the background. What do you bet that when he saw this photo he was all “OMG I knew it…I’m totally the Marilyn.”

MANOLO: The Manolo’s first thought? This is why Elvis died young, so he wouldn’t have to see this.

SPIRIT FINGERS: Ryan Cabrera is just a few undone buttons away from being the next Kid Rock.

PLUMCAKE: I’m just trying to figure out the neckerchief. Does Valtrex come in a site-specific patch now? It’s about suppression…and accessorizing.

MANOLO: You just know that if the King had lived, Ryan Cabrera would now be tasting the sweet karate-based justice of the Memphis Mafia

SPIRIT FINGERS: I’m guessing Priscilla is suffering from a rare skin condition that forces her to keep out of daylight. What is it called..starts with v…vampirism, that’s the one.

MANOLO: Vampirism? The Manolo was thinking Kabuki-ism. She looks ready to play the role of Yum-Yum in the Berlin Experimental Theater version of the Mikado. (Now with 90% less Gilbert and Sullivan, and 100% more incomprehensible Germanic angst!)

(more…)

In addition to unplanned teen pregnancies, the discoveries of hitherto unknown species of mammals are also on the rise:

In this undated photo released by Conservation International, mammalogist Martua Sinaga holds a 1.4 kg giant rat that is probably a species new to science, in Foja mountains in Indonesia’s easternmost Papua province, Indonesia. Researchers in a remote jungle in Indonesia have discovered a giant rat and a tiny possum that are apparently new to science, underscoring the stunning biodiversity of the Southeast Asian nation, scientists said.

This is certainly a happy find for rodent fans, but how long until certain members of the R&B community catch wind of these creatures’ existence and convert them into a new kind of winter wardrobe staple?

Michael Jackson: the kids win one (Defamer)

Ashlee and Jessica Simpson are the Typhoid Marys of fail (AgentBedhead)

Jamie-Lynn Spears to star in Nickelodeon special on teen love and pregnancy? She’s got the resume! (ImNotObsessed)

Incarcerated American Idol loser jump on pregnancy bandwagon (PerezHilton)

Yes, Denzel Washington is the perfect man (CeleBitchy)

Lindsay Lohan, chaw shiller (HollywoodRag)

Kanye West doesn’t like black people credit (Bossip)

Britney wants her kids tested for weed (CelebritySmack)

Amy Winehouse as you’ve never seen her before (PlanetHiltron)

Colin Farrell is still scruffy-pretty (DailyStab)

Hugh Jackman is cleanshaven-pretty (JustJared)

When Duffs attack! (DListed)

Stephen Colbert is celebrity of the year! (EvilBeet)

You can take the girl out of the trailer park, y’all, but… (GabbyBabble)

Christina Aguilera isn’t going to “stay loose” (HolyCandy)

Madonna in space? (HolyMoly)

The Spice Girls really put the “die” in “Diet” (TheSkinnyWebsite)

Lily Allen: pregnant, pretty, puffing (TheMeatScale)

Bai Ling says Happy Holidays, offends David Bowie (Websters)

Real Housewives star really arrested (TMZ)

Kate Moss sics the sharks on Pete Doherty (WOWReport)

Manolo says, it is the look on the face of the woman in the boots that is really making the Manolo laugh.

She is all, ‘WTF? Who let the hobo and his plastic love doll into the building?”

Words you would associate with Queen Latifah – sassy, brassy and from next year onwards “healthful” as decreed by Jenny Craig’s PR people: 

The Oscar-nominated singer and actress, 37, has signed up to be the latest celebrity spokesperson for the weight-loss chain, PEOPLE confirms exclusively.”We officially confirm that Queen Latifah will join the Jenny Craig program in January,” Scott Parker, Jenny Craig’s vice president of marketing, tells PEOPLE. “We are thrilled to have Queen Latifah support our mission of improving health by taking her first step toward achieving a more healthful lifestyle.”….

….The Hairspray star, who has consistently celebrated her plus-size figure over the years (including a recent PEOPLE cover story), will have a “very different campaign, focused on a healthier lifestyle, not on getting onto a specific dress size,” says Parker.”

That sounds awfully vague to me.  More importantly, does this mean that we won’t be treated to dramatic before and after photos where Queen goes from awkwardly wearing a modified Santa suit to looking like a totally different person who’s seductively wrapped in nothing but a giant bow?

Famous leg-crosser Sharon Stone has found herself a nice little side earner breathing life into staid corporate functions and other marketing-type events where gift bags are dispensed like highly addictive prescription drugs:

ANYONE who wants “Basic Instinct” star Sharon Stone to host an event will have to pay up. Insiders say she pulls $175,000 for a mere 30 minutes of face time at noncharitable events. “Sharon is starting to attend store openings and corporate events. In return, she receives major cash,” said a source. Stone’s agent did not return calls.

To be fair, these unceasing demands on the lady’s wacky hospitality do take a lot out of her.  When she’s not at work it’s all she can do to tourniquet her throbbing head to keep the precious crazy from leaking out.

John Edwards’ love child rumors (ASocialitesLife)

Jennifer Aniston shacked up, not knocked up (yet) (ImNotObsessed)

Larry Birkhead is not done bottom fishing! He’s Britney’s #1 fan! (InTouch)

Nicole Kidman’s children call Katie Holmes “Mom” (EvilBeet)

Michael J. Fox is still the perfect man (CeleBitchy)

Pete Doherty is exactly 26.2 miles from reality (AgentBedhead)

The Eighties are back! and the Landers sisters have them! (DListed)

Sienna Miller has hairy fetlocks (TheMeatScale)

If grandma’s knitted mitts are good enough for Uma Thurman, they’re good enough for you (GoFugYourself)

They’ve just named the latest Bond girl, and no, you’ve never heard of her (DailyStab)

Jamie-LynnGate roundup (HolyCandy)

Tyra Banks, Scrooge of showbiz? (JanetCharletonsHollywood)

Why Liza fell (PerezHilton)

Christina Ricci talks about anorexia (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Matt Damon’s beautiful gal (JustJared)

Does Lindsay Lohan have a girl friend with benefits? (Defamer)