Ayyyy!

Given the depressing state of celebrity news over the past few days, we must turn to the always effervescent Dolly Parton to lighten the mood:

Country legend DOLLY PARTON refuses to conform to contemporary fashion trends – because she’s happiest when dressed like “a whore”. The 9 To 5 star – who has admitted having extensive cosmetic surgery – believes her trashy image is the secret to her successful career. The 62-year-old says, “People know I have no taste, no style, no class. If I have any class it’s all low. A cartoon character is how I see myself and it’s worked for me for 40 years. “Even after I got enough money where I could afford to dress properly, what kind of fun would that be? Hell, they know I look like a whore. No matter how much I spend or how I dress, I’m still gonna look cheap.”

This coming from someone who remembers to put on underwear and not leave it hanging out the back of her dress, keeps her bosomly charms safely reined in, abstains from wearing ripped or stained clothing and is selective about the quality of her wigs. You ain’t fooling us one bit, you sassy classy lady.

It’s the Battle of the Blonde-Wigged Receptacles for Perfect Genes! While the rumours tend to fly thick and fast about these two, this much is certain – one has a bun in the oven while the other is gradually amassing a baker’s dozen.

Heath Ledger, 28, RIP (Gawker)

Heath Ledger’s scarily foreshadowing interview (PerezHilton)

Heath Ledger’s final bow (Defamer)

Now that Suzanne Pleshette is gone, it’s all up to Angie Dickinson (raincoaster)

P. Doody has another name change (CelebritySmack)

Angelina Jolie is DISSED! (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs cheer up the troops (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan wins two Razzies! (HollywoodOffender)

Christina Aguilera’s baby is one of the Chosen People (GabbyBabble)

The TomKat robot! (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Dita VonTeese offers you her secret weapon (CelebWarship)

The John Travolta Scientology video, in case you thought you’d seen them all (CeleBitchy)

Beauty Queen bitchfight (Dlisted)

Margaret Cho lets flow (HuffPo)

Mena Suvari rocks the Auntie Entity Beyond Thunderdome look (GoFugYourself)

Charlie Sheen vs Denise Richards: classfest! (HolyCandy)

Nicole Richie watched herself give birth in the mirror (ImNotObsessed)

30 Seconds to SARS (Mollygood)