Ayyyy!

Here’s some good news for fans of pop star Kylie Minogue. Finally, some recognition from that baby polar bear-obssessed nation of Germany:

Pop star Kylie Minogue and actor Robert de Niro are to receive Germany’s top showbiz honour, the Golden Camera, organisers have announced. De Niro, 64, will receive the lifetime achievement award, while Minogue, 39, will be honoured as best international music act….

The award itself is a 600g 18 carat gold-plated sterling silver replica of the first electronic TV camera.

This is slightly sturdier than what the French bestowed upon Kylie’s buttocks over the weekend at their NRJ Music Awards .

Again I know this because of my cat.  She finds that her much-admired rosettes tend to fall apart into shreds way too easily, and usually when I’m not looking.

I know this because my cat also gets distinctly more docile when she’s expecting a litter.

Time to put on your team colours and whip yourself in a Super Bowl frenzy! After all thanks to the Super Bowl, Kevin Federline is now in gainful employment!

To kick off pre-game festivities, have a go at figuring out which movies the following scenes are taken from.  Answers to be posted on Wednesday morning.

Here’s a clue to get you started: they’re all football movies.

No need to panic, puny humans. We have come not to invade your host bodies but to observe your latest “out of this world” fashion creations.

What may be haute couture to you feeble earthlings is, to us, merely casual wear for lounging around the Alpha Centauri star system.

Happy Australia Day to our readers from the land of Down Under!

Let’s raise our schooners together and toast this fair nation that is girt by sea, this sunburnt country that has spawned some of the best and brightest talent in Hollywood. And now, I shall call upon the exhilarating Hugh Jackman to take us away with his vibrant maracas and tight shiny pants.

YOU don’t know how to cure constipation! Tom Cruise DOES! (Youtube)

And Adam Sandler knows Tom Cruise…or at least is willing to blurb on his behalf (EvilBeet)

The Tom Cruise Scientology video you haven’t seen! (YouTube)(for now!)

Quiz: Who’s your TV boyfriend? (CelluloidBlonde)

Attention bloggers: Adopt A Writer! (AdoptAWriter)

Brit-onomics: how Britney Spears feeds multitudes (Defamer)

How not to be Heath Ledger (Gawker)

Britney is sick “in a good way,” feeling philosophical (TMZ)

Rambo vs the Governator (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss looks like her mother (DailyStab)

George Clooney goes after Britney with a baseball bat (AllieIsWired)

Ashley Olsen always looks like you’re about to hit her with a stick (ImNotObsessed)

The Hannah Montana terrorist has been arrested (TrashyCeleb)

Jennifer Love Hewitt tells you 10 things you don’t know about women (POTP)

Dolly Parton’s plastic surgery roundup (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Stephen Colbert gets the Mount Rushmore treatment (CelebritySmack)

Anderson Cooper puts his foot down on the Heath Ledger mania (HolyCandy)

Was Katie Holmes pregnant before meeting Tom Cruise? (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Britney gave Drew Barrymore a run for her money (NinjaDude)

McDreamy in uniform, sigh… (PerezHilton)

Pamela Anderson is a vegetarian dish past its freshness date (Copyranter)

 Reports are coming in slowly, but it is rumored that the giant is angry and prone to throwing massive hair scrunchies at marginally talented actresses.

We have not yet been able to confirm reports that earlier today Kim Cattrall was taken out by a six-foot slap bracelet.

Back in 1999, Lucy Liu explained the charm of the accordion to Playboy Magazine:

It’s an instrument that breathes with you. You control the sound, you create the energy, you determine how loud it is. The emotional backing of the instrument is something you create also, depending on how much you pull and push and how much you breathe with it. Somebody can play one song completely flat, and someone else can play it with so much emotion you’re on the verge of tears. It’s something you create. It’s like a part of you–as opposed to a guitar or a flute. Go blow on that!

Nine years on, and she remains a steadfast champion of its enduring appeal.  It’s now morphed into a more practical form called the “accordion wrap” but still just as capable of bringing you to the verge of tears.

What must it be like, do you think, to have gracefully exited the world of high fashion but still be haunted by the grim spectre of emaciated decadence, its touch and whisperings forever plaguing your wretched soul?

Knut the Polar Bear is a fanged, clawed psychopath. O RLY? (DailyMail)

Perez Hilton forms a foundation for premature babies. Awwww. (TeenyManolo)

Simon Cowell is a LOT friendlier than we thought (EvilBeet)

Kathleen Turner is STILL big. It’s the romcoms that got small! (AgentBedhead)

Ben Affleck has still got it, but alas is sharing it with Jennifer Garner (DailyStab)

Is Angelina Jolie pregnant with twins? (X17)

Tori Spelling is an unstoppable baby-making machine (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse is in rehab. Check back every ten minutes for updates, though (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney Spears tries to pick out some new children (US)

Clay Aiken haiku (Mollygood)

Star Jones makes sense? Wha??? (HuffPo)

False gods of celebrityhood (Cityrag)

Agent99 lives! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Steve Buscemi 2.0 (Websters)

Drug dealer to the stars selling more than weed (Defamer)

Doris Lessing, blogger-h8er, Nobel Laureate, feels sorry for chick-lit stars (Gawker)

John Travolta is a klass act (CelebritySmack)

In the context of this magazine cover, V stands for:
(a) Vast amounts of photoshopping
(b) Vintage stock by Hollywood’s ageist standards 
(c) Veiled reference to sensual body part
(d) Vanity Fair weren’t interested this time round

There has to be a better way thought Giorgio Armani to himself.  Something that didn’t require him to go around manhandling every female celebrity of childbearing age to see whether they should be recruited into his posse of Armani Mamas.

So he mulled it over long and hard, sketching and stitching and fussing and churning out several failed prototypes until voila! The Baby Bump Detector was born. Like the Model T Ford, it comes only in black, of course.