Ayyyy!

If you’re ever in Paris, I can point you to a charming little patisserie in the 7ème Arrondissment. It serves up the most fantastical creations - layer upon layer of mouthwatering perfection, delicate puff pastries with wickedly luscious fillings and decadently wrapped boxes of heavenly confections. So good, you’ll want to bandy them about for all and sundry to admire! But I hesitate to share more details in a public setting because the only people who know its exact location are some well-heeled locals, myself, and apparently Zhang Ziyi.

The Vampire Lestat will return! (PerezHilton)

Diablo Cody and the Case of the Missing Million Dollar Shoes (Defamer)

Christina Aguilera is down and out and firing everyone in sight (Gawker)

Julie Newmar does NOT go commando (Jezebel)

Vanessa Paradis is Superwoman (AgentBedhead)

Christie Brinkley is terrified of cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

The infamous Spaghetti Incident (CelebritySmack)

Daniel Radcliffe’s Halle Berry Oscars moment (Dlisted)

Ruper Grint, meanwhile, picks up Lily Allen (HolyMoly)

Amy Winehouse just needs to know the love of a good lotion (EvilBeet)

Brad Renfro’s memory was not invited to the Oscars (Mollygood)

Bourne is back! (ICYDK)

Cher, or Drag Cher? (Cityrag)

Jennifer Aniston puts her eggs on ice? (ASocialitesLife)

KFed’s time is money: your money (Jossip)

Anderson Cooper blogs on the Lawrence King hate crime (JustJared)

Whoopie Goldberg’s Oscar snub (Celebitchy)

Prince is old. DAMN. (Bossip)

Joan Van Ark not technically dead, but Professor Van Helsing is on standby (Gabsmash)

Gary Busey explains himself (TheBlemish)

Madonna is free! (DailyStab)

Round three hundred and eighty-two goes to Jen (CircusHour)

A shopping guide for Oscar party jewel thieves (ImNotObsessed)

Somebody’s fucking Josh Brolin (Websters)

Marion Cotillard wears Cthulhu Couture to the Oscars (GoFugYourself)

J-Lo, Christina, Salma, Jessica, both Nicoles - Viggo had pressed and prodded their pregnant bellies with the intensity of a man on a mission but none had yielded the sign he was looking for. That was, until Oscar night threw him together with Cate Blanchett in her third trimester. One little kick and he instantly knew.  Here at last, after so many months of arduous and fruitless searching, lay the one who was worthy of donning the colours of San Lorenzo de Almagro.

And when the last award has been handed out and all the winners, losers and other glammed up players exchange a collective sigh of relief, it is time for the after-parties to begin in earnest. Or as we at Ayyyy! like to call it, that time of the night when the rejected Oscar frocks to come out and play.

Liveblogging the Oscars (Defamer)

Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck (Gawker)

Britney taken away by the men in white coats (TMZ)

Christina Aguilera has baby rage (Hollyscoop)

Eli Roth is a bedhead beyond belief (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan had too many double waters on the rocks (CelebritySmack)

Katie Holmes was delusional as a child (ImNotObsessed)

Directions to the Playboy Mansion (Derober)

Lessons from the Oscars (CircusHour)

Enough with the Oscars: who won the Razzies? (HolyMoly)

Worst idea for a musical ev-ar (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Gary Busey’s attempted red carpet rape of Jennifer Garner thwarted by Ryan “Macho” Seacrest (ASocialitesLife)

Pot calls kettle black (PerezHilton)

Diablo Cody won’t wear your stupid million dollar shoes! (Mollygood)

The Jolie-Pitt baby bump debuted to massive acclaim (Websters)

Falling Slowly for the song of the year (EvilBeet)

Kimora Lee Simmons’ death by a thousand quotes (Celebitchy)

Ben Affleck is so macho (Dlisted)

Hugh Jackman is uh is uh what was I saying? (Popsugar)

Manolo says, in Africa herds of these fine beasts roam freely across the majestic plains, grazing on canapes and Cristal, the warm night enlivened by their distinctive shrieks as they fight for social primacy in the herd.

As someone who’s long been a little self-conscious about their overly hirsute arms, I’m thrilled to see that the trendmakers of Milan have made it acceptable to let it all hang out (but quite tastefully so).  

The current going rate for drug-addled British rock stars: £15000 ($30000) for a private concert and double that price for a modelling gig.  Do you think if we all pitch in we could raise enough money to pay him to take a bath?

Best Chest Dressed: the nominees (Defamer)

Last year’s party monsters: this year’s sofa-bound popcorn munchers (Gawker)

Kate Moss will give the Proletariat the shirt off her back (AgentBedhead)

Mmmmmmmm, Johnny Depppppp….prit-tay! (Celebitchy)

Moobs! Mooooooooooobs! (Cityrag)

Amy Winehouse is no commando (Yeeeeah)

Angelina Jolie fainted again (Gabsmash)

Joan Rivers will draw blood (GlitteratiGossip)

Jennifer Lopez is the hardest-working mama in showbiz (CircusHour)

Dr. McDreamy is Versace Man! (PopSugar)

Sex and the City and the Poster and the Trailer (CelebritySmack)

Heath Ledger’s final image (HollywoodBackwash)

George Clooney is a thin-lipped Jelly Belly (DailyStab)

Britney Spears is the $22million dollar woman (HolyMoly)

Paris Hilton airs out the arm pubes (LARagMag)

Aaron Carter jailed! (WeLoveCelebs)

Natalie Portman wants to get nekkid (IDLYITW)

GEORGE CLOONEY IS WORLD’S MOST ADORABLE ADULT HUMAN (Mollygood)

Jenna Fischer’s paparazzi frenzy (JustJared)

Tom Cruise is shrinking! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Gerard often indulged himself in fancyings of being Europe’s most notorious cat burglar. He imagined nimbly plucking exorbitant jewels from the necks of unsuspecting beauties, maybe even allowing himself a quiet smile at their cries of despair upon the discovery of such brazen theft. Yes, one day those pudgy little sausage fingers would wreak havoc at the highest levels of celebrity.

As you probably know by now, J. Lo –whose womb has as late been transformed into a Cavalli-coated fetal tour bus for two– has popped out a matching set of doubtlessly beautiful kiddios. The little divo and diva have yet to make their appearance, I believe they’re still negotiating their riders.

In the leadup to the big night this Sunday, let’s do a little test to see how well you know your Oscar trivia.  Pictured below are four talented faces but only one of them has not yet won an Academy Award. Can you tell which one?