Ayyyy!

Pete Doherty doesn’t get out of bed for less than $60,000! (Gawker)

While my ukelele gently weeps (Defamer)

The $110 Hannah Montana Makeover (AgentBedhead)

Pink sez: lay off my ex! (CelebritySmack)

Horse bolted, barn door now locked: Jamie-Lynn Spears is grounded (HollywoodBackwash)

Twenty years ago Marc Jacobs stole something (BackseatCuddler)

PETA’s Worst Dressed Celebrities: they forgot one! (Dlisted)

Kelly Rowland sat on Bjork (TheBastardly)

Jessica Alba’s womb is double occupancy (DailyStab)

Tom Brady markets himself in his underwear (EvilBeet)

The natural beauty of Jocelyn Wildenstein (CircusHour)

What is Mandy Moore’s secret? (ImNotObsessed)

Edison Chen disproves guaranteed stardom of Paris Hilton’s career path (JustJared)

Blake “Incarcerated” Fielder-Civil gets a visit from the missus (PerezHilton)

What Britney will look like in 20 years (Mollygood)

Jessica Simpson is box office gold. No, seriously. (Websters)

Madonna’s kid is a perfect 10! (TeenyManolo)

Don’t be alarmed, it’s just Maria Shriver and Courteney Cox - one, formerly a serious TV journalist, the other currently playing a tabloid editor on TV.  Who will triumph in this Battle of the Sunken-Cheeked Brunettes?

The ranks of celebrity foetuses continue to swell by the minute, and their newest recruit could well be gestating within Minnie Driver:

SHE still hasn’t confirmed or commented on our scoop about her pregnancy - but now we can tell you what Minnie Driver learned when Page Six caught her looking at her sonograms outside her doctor’s office earlier this week. A spy at Crewcuts, the J.Crew store for children on Prince Street, reports, “Minnie came in and bought clothes for a baby girl and was overheard talking about her pregnancy and how she hasn’t been feeling well.”

I wasn’t ready to believe the rumours when they surfaced but soon the evidence starting piling higher than the stack of unpaid bills on my dining room table. Indeed she’s been displaying all the usual symptoms - the sonograms in her possession, the purchase of baby clothes and most telling of all the dressing in a way that forces you to avert your eyes from her belly and pretty much every other part of her body.

Are YOU stalking Anderson Cooper? How to tell (Gawker)

This Week in Tabloids (Jezebel)

50 films that changed the way men dress (MensVogue)

7 that, thankfully, did not (Defamer)

Steve-O vs KFed; the throwdown (AgentBedhead)

Sharon Osbourne vs Heather Mills (CelebritySmack)

The Celebrity-Industrial Complex hasn’t finished with John Lennon yet (GabbyBabble)

Who wore it best: Katie or Tom? (PrettyOnTheOutside)

JLo is in labour, yo (Celebwarship)

Paula Abdul debuts robot voice in new video (AllieIsWired)

ScarJo and the 10 lamest tattoos in the world (Yeeeeah)

Does Madonna shave or wax her chest hair? (DoodleWhore)

What DID Perez say? (WOWReport)

Elle Macpherson is a wildcat (Gabsmash)

Elizabeth Hurley is a slave-driver (Celebitchy)

Amy Winehouse’s husband pimps her pictures to support his prison overdoses (HolyMoly)

Hayden Panettiere’s Candies (JustJared)

Ex-con approves of nekkid Lindsay Lohan (DailyStab)

Celebrity Drugs and Alcohol magazine (CircusHour)

Cindy Crawford in Mexico (ImNotObsessed)

Is Nicole Kidman risking her baby? (FitCeleb)

Colin Farrell cleans up nicely (Popsugar)

Jessica Simpson hates fat people (IDLYITW)

Congratulations to Sean Bean on achieving the big four! Now here’s a guy who doesn’t believe in “third time lucky” or the law of diminishing returns:

Actor Sean Bean has wed for the fourth time.

The 48-year-old Lord Of The Rings star tied the knot with girlfriend Georgina Sutcliffe, 29, at Marylebone Register Office in central London.

The couple originally intended to marry last month but cancelled 24 hours before the big day, citing “personal reasons”.

This time the low-key ceremony went without a hitch.

Sutcliffe wore a pale gold top with a black pencil skirt and carried a simple bouquet of white roses.

Sharpe star Bean was dressed in a navy pinstriped suit.

The small group of guests included the actor’s three daughters from previous relationships.

As for the blushing young bride, she will now have to work hard to gain the acceptance of her new stepdaughters.  It’s not an enviable task but as Meatloaf said (before “I can see paradise by the dashboard light” and after “You took the words out of my mouth”), two out of three ain’t bad!

“It must be so strange for your Royal Highness, how everyone lusts over your pair of boys.”

“Right back at you, my dear - your girls must be the object of countless fantasies too. Now…where have I seen this piece of finery before?”

“This old thing, Sir? Oh you would have seen it at Hampton Court where it hung from the canopy in the Queen’s bedchamber.”

Behold the answers to Monday’s Puzzle corner! A little bit trickier than normal but then again you are a wily bunch of folks who need to be kept on their toes:
1. Kevin Kline (Dave)
2. Jack Nicholson (Mars Attacks)
3. Morgan Freeman (Deep Impact)
4. Anthony Hopkins (Nixon)
5. Jeff Bridges (The Contender)
6. Dennis Quaid (American Dreamz)
7. Bill Pullman (Independence Day)
8. Mark Harmon (Chasing Liberty)
9. Gene Hackman (Absolute Power)

No big scores this time but an honourable mention goes to atari for a valiant 4 out of 9! Now, back to the business of watching the real presidential race unfold.

True Confessions: My torrid affair with Buddy Hackett (moonbeammcqueen)

The Great Kate Beckinsale Quiz (Esquire)

What has Barack Obama done for you lately? (BarackObamaIsYourNewBicycle)

Rita Skeeter exclusive: Harry and Hermione hook up! (PerezHilton)

Anna Wintour vs Carine Roitfeld, duelling fashion editrixes (Gawker)

The Key to Happiness (RuPaul)

Dina Lohan knows art when she sees it, bitch! (Defamer)

George Clooney gets all the tail, but none of the luv (AgentBedhead)

Celine Dion is the queen of the world! (fourfour)

Break out the black armbands: Sean Bean married again, dammit! (Celebitchy)

Brangelina’s brood hit the slopes (Popsugar)

Without Mandy Moore and CheezWhiz, you are nothing (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Celebrity mansions! (Cityrag)

Rumer Willis gets tossed back onto the mean streets (Celebslam)

Jessica Alba discovers she’s Latino (ICYDK)

Victoria Gotti rises from the dead, Elvira of the Light (HollywoodRag)

Owen Wilson goes back to work, Jennifer Aniston soon to put another notch in her diaphragm case (AllieIsWired)

Monsters who get chicks (Maxim)

Jennifer Lopez to give birth to Steve Austin twins (DailyStab)

Free the Pink! (CelebritySmack)

Katherine Heigl wearing my grandmother’s sofa (ImNotObsessed)

FitCeleb, the new blog on the block (FitCeleb)

Powerful northerly gusts are expected to batter coastal areas and celebrity hotspots over the next few days. Celebrities are advised to stay indoors, secure all windows and doors, and carry a hairbrush at all times.

Following on from Nicole Kidman’s cover shoot for Harper’s Bazaar and Paris Hilton’s attempt to channel Marilyn Monroe, this week it is Lindsay Lohan’s turn to try and make us believe that she is her generation’s iconic blonde bombshell:

In the issue of New York magazine on sale Monday, the 21-year-old star of “Mean Girls” and “Freaky Friday” poses nude for photographer Bert Stern in a recreation of one of Monroe’s most famous photo shoots, done shortly before she died.

Stern photographed Monroe in 1962 at the Hotel Bel-Air in California, six weeks before she was found dead from an overdose of barbiturates. Those images for Vogue magazine feature Monroe in next to nothing, posing nude with some scarves and jewelry as her accessories and sipping champagne.

Stern recreated those images with Lohan this month, at the same hotel, with Lohan wearing a blond wig and not much else.

So now we have come full circle, completing at last the sullying of the Hollywood icon’s memory by the terrible trio of Paris, Lindsay and Britney.  Next up, Tara Reid as Grace Kelly and Andy Dick as Cary Grant!

The New York Post describes Nick Lachey, the smart-by-comparison former Mr Jessica Simpson, as posing with a $140,000 jeweled Hot Wheels Car, or, to use words his former missus would understand, “a choking hazard.”

The Divine Miss M rises from the dead, returns to play Vegas (disembedded)

These boobs were made for Walken (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan vs Marilyn Monroe: duelling nekkids (CelebritySmack)

Mr. Amy Winehouse OD’s in prison again (Celebitchy)

Joan Collins, home on the range (TheMeatScale)

Chez Suri: The TomKat love nest (Derober)

Heather Mills stands by her man, whether he likes it or not (Dlisted)

Aretha fails to get respect from PETA (Bossip)

Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Kirsten Dunst for being Drunkst (Yeeeeah)

Jakey gets a makeover (PopSugar)

Kathleen Turner made of stone, not romancing (HollywoodRag)

Russell Crowe cast in new Austin Powers flick? (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Lily Allen, stripper chauffeuse (ImNotObsessed)

Poll: Who’s the hottest American President? (HolyCandy)

Travis Barker dates up, Paris Hilton dates down (DailyStab)

Heath Ledger: Saint or Sinner?  (Defamer)

Do women want gossip that hates women? (Jezebel)

Celebrity toplessness reaches critical levels: McConaughey alert! (Gawker)