Aha! There you are, Marisa Tomei.  You can run but you can’t hide, even if it’s against the fakest red movie curtain you can find.  But even though your shirtdress has become a swirling, pulsating moire that has jammed my brain signals, I must insist that you use whatever pulley systems you have under there to lower the offending fabric even more, lest we have to get the MPAA to slap a cautionary rating on you.

This week we pay homage to the Bard of Avon with the theme “Shakespeare in the movies.”  Your task is identify the movies below and prove yourself to be a mental Colossus that doth bestride the narrow world.

Answers to be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will wait in my dark cavern with a bubbling cauldron at the ready.

This season, prepare to throw off the shackles of those boring proletarian overalls and slip into the sensual garb of a Communist concubine!  Dissent will not tolerated, for fashion dictates it!

Mmmm, is everyone having to wipe the drool from the corners of their mouths? It’s certainly put me in the mood for some Supersize sushi and mutant marshmallows! 

Heath Ledger Joker hype no joke (Defamer)

The Spitzer Scandal explained by a toddler (Gawker)

Scientology gets what it deserves: Pete Doherty (AgentBedhead)

Madonna knows her limits (GabbyBabble)

Jennifer Aniston’s publicist strikes again (DListed)

Lohan to murder a Manson movie (CelebritySmack)

Katie Holmes rolls like Lily Munster (Popsugar)

George Clooney’s girlfriend is a model of propriety at all times. KIDDING! (DailyStab)

Britney Spears no longer full of it (Yeeeeah)

Poison drummer poisonous, rapey (CelebWarship)

The Grande Dames of stage and screen make an appearance (EvilBeet)

One Year Ago Today: FedEx and Britney edition (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Oprah helps a girlfriend out (CircusHour)

Chris Crocker finds a new career as a Big Bird impersonator (Mollygood)

Britney to be saved by Lourdes? (Us)

JLo strangles babies? (Jossip)

Wichita, Kansas is not ready for Bruno (PerezHilton)

When you’re a tv star, there’s always someone around to say the bag was his, officer (TheSmokingGun)

What has brought on Paris Hilton’s sudden fascination with wide-eyed moppets?
(a) Seeking fresh blood to replenish her waning fanbase
(b) She’s on the campaign trail for the office of US Ambassador to that fabulous country of West Africa
(c) They are more articulate than chihuahuas and bite less than kinkajous
(d) If newborn pics are worth up to $10 million, imagine what the going rate for toddlers are!

One posed nude for Playboy, the other poses with a partially nude playtoy.

What hath JLo spawned? (Gawker)

Angelina’s big baby figure (Defamer)

Bats are full of protein and great for your hair (TressedOutCelebs)

America’s Next Top Recap (I’mBringingBloggingBack)

Celebrity syntho-schnozzes (Cityrag)

The sliding scale of celebrity integrity (AgentBedhead)

Spitzer’s other hooker (Celebitchy)

One more reason to love Johnny Depp (ImNotObsessed)

Is this Hillary Clinton’s greatest speech ev-ar? (Dlisted)

At LAST! A picture of Nicole Kidman looking bottom-heavy (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Beyonce’s little sister launches a hip-hop toy company (BlackCelebrityKids)

But…but…Madonna is not biodegradable! (JustJared)

What Amy Winehouse will look like in a month (CelebrityDirt)

Stick Insect vs the Prince of Darkness (CelebritySmack)

Introducing the Paris Hilton Clodhopper Pony (CircusHour)

Jack Nicholson’s topless photos (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Scariest celebrity faces: a surgeon’s opinion (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)