By Plumcake
There has been a long and glorious history of using puppies to sell toilet paper. I would give you a timeline of advertising etc. if I were not so fundamentally lazy but, as I think we all know by now, I AM fundamentally lazy (and also I have just eaten an entire bag of Brach’s All Black Jelly Bird Eggs so may stroke out at any minute) so you can just google it yourownselves.
I don’t know why, but apparently nothing says personal freshness than a slobbering, destructive, wriggling ball of claws and teeth. Well, at least that’s what the marketing people say and they should know, since most of the the ones marketing people I know spend quite a lot of time in the bathroom, most typically accompanied by rolled up dollar bills and a small mirror.
ANYWAY
I love toilet paper and I love puppies but what I cannot get behind (as it were) is actually NAMING a puppy after a brand of toilet paper. Witness here, poor Cottonelle, “The Comfort Dog”
I love blondes, but don’t you think that a chocolate lab might have been more appropriate?
March 21st, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Ohhhhhh….poor puppy.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Plumcake, you never cease to slay me but this is even more death-dealingly funny than usual. Whaddaya bet the dog’s name gets changed six months from now?
March 21st, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Firstly, is there a contest for naming this blog post? My submission is ‘Poopy’.
Secondly, I suppose it’s lost on marketing people that any dog needing to wipe just drags its ass across the carpet. Either that or there’s a target audience of ass-wipers who use their puppies to clean themselves.
March 21st, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Actually, golden lab is a tad more appropriate since one makes the golden more often than the chocolate lavador visits. That being said, humans have done much worse to their offspring in the naming. And one must wonder why dogs, bears (have you seen the awful one about lint!!!), angels, etc…ad nauseum are used to sell such an ignoble disposable product!
March 21st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Equally disturbing is the ad where a sleeping father is cuddling a preternaturally fluffy, blue-eyed white kitten. His mischevious children carefully and gingerly replace the kitten with a roll of toilet paper. What concerns me is this: if it’s so easy to mistake the roll of toilet paper for the kitten, then would the inverse also not be true? If you own soft toilet paper AND a white kitten, are you always getting them mixed up — perpetually having to wash the kitten after inadvertently wiping your bum with it? (Watch those claws!) Are you throwing all your money down the drain getting your toilet paper spayed? And what if your toilet paper goes to the litter box to relieve itself? What does IT use? A puppy?
Oh god, it’s all so confusing!!! Where the hell is Mr. Whipple when you need him?
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 am
Plumcake, you speak the truth about marketing folk.
March 22nd, 2008 at 1:29 am
Thank you, danilo and La Petite Acadienne. And now I’m off to wipe my mind’s eye with bleach.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Then my work here is done.