Ayyyy!

but there’s no way in HELL she’ll fit in that basket.

Far from being the serious and introspective actress who locks herself in her trailer to meticulously hone her craft, Thandie Newton terrorised her co-stars on the set of Run, Fatboy, Run with all manner of wacky hijinks. According to director David Schwimmer:

“Thandie Newton was the queen of the pranks. When Simon was on set working, she would put cellophane on his toilet so when he went to go to the bathroom he splashed everywhere. She would take old underwear and rub it with Marmite and put it in his trailer… It was pretty disgusting.”

“I think the best one was when we were doing the press junket together in London, where the movie opened. Thandie, Simon and I were in three different rooms with all these on camera interviews. Thandie had got there hours before Simon and I, and she had filled every one of his 12 giant bottles of water with vodka. So when he was in the middle of his first interview on camera and he goes to take a (swig) during the interview, a huge gulp and just spits up everywhere all over the interviewer. That was probably the best prank.”

But come red carpet time, the tables had turned and it was Thandie who found her elegant lace creation had mysteriously shrunk into a kicky little playsuit.

Check it out, Taylor Dayne’s back in the charts with her latest album Satisfied!  Her voice is as big and brassy as ever! She had her 46th birthday bash in Las Vegas!  She’s also got a thriving drag queen following! Boy things have certainly been looking up for Taylor ever since they found a way to fuse both halves of her body back together!

This week we turn our attention to the crime-solving, case-breaking, crook-nabbing ladies of the small screen.  Your mission is to sleuth away at the hidden identities below and name these actresses/tv characters.

Answers will be put up on Thursday morning.  I await your answers with much suspense and tension.

Manolo says, profile in profiles.

If at first you don’t succeed (and indeed, fail quite miserably) then try, try again.  Never quit mixing and matching it up Juliette, one day you’re bound to find the right outfit for your favourite set of accessories! But in the mean time you might wanna stay at home, away from errant gusts of wind and the general public. 

Bar raised (Defamer)

Hammer dropped (AgentBedhead)

Lohan smashed (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Rick, rolled (Guardian)

Rowling potty? (Celebitchy)

Hunky Jesus (Mike Responts)

Presley poisoned! (GabbyBabble)

Hunk drunk (ASocialitesLife)

Carey doubt? (Bossip)

Amy Outhouse (Yeeeeah)

Nice…Spaniards (ImNotObsessed)

Manilow? NO! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Owen’s pickup (Popsugar)

Malthusian Catastrophe (Websters)

Mutual bonding (IDLYITW)

Alba time (DailyStab)

Go-Go’s gone (CelebritySmack)

Cognitive dissonance (CircusHour)

Infomercials: WTF? (LiquidGeneration)

sadly, he is worried about inflation. IYKWIM

And so I have returned, well-rested and refreshed, ready to take on the routine hum-drum of my normal world. Only now, I’ll be able to perform mind-numbing drudgery in a pair of genuine bona fide STICK PANTS:

However I must admit that I had some initial reservations about the whole thing. Would they magically mould tree trunks into splindly bits of kindling? Was I placing too many unrealistic expectations on one item of clothing? What if I was unable to achieve the requisite twig-like effect, thereby letting down the entire Sisterhood of the STICK PANTS? Then, the roof of the covered shopping arcade suddenly lifted back letting the sunlight come streaming onto a particular spot of neon, a glorious choir of angels rang out ever so jubilantly from above, and I knew what I finally had to do to really work these STICK PANTS. 

Strong! Invincible! I am stylish, hear me roar!! Boy these prints are so fierce, they’ll face down even that wildest of beasts, the nightly prowling and partying cougar.

Jackass demonstrates jackassery (GabbyBabble)

The Naughty outpulls the Nanny: Fran Drescher snubbed by paparazzi (TMZ)

What the Elle? (Yeeeeah)

DANNY BONADUCE MAKES TOTAL SENSE!!!!! (CelebritySmack)

Forget Waldo: where in the world is Suri? (Celebitchy)

Your heartbreaking Amy Winehouse pic o’ the day (CelebWarship)

Pete Doherty fan demonstrates British foreign policy at concert (HolyMoly)

Princess Kalina brings her baby back to Bulgaria (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian love triangle (CelebNewsWire)

The difference between Simon Cowell’s car and mine (CelebrityDirt)

Miley Cyrus as the Easter Bunny (CircusHour)

Hollywood’s biggest fashion offenders (DailyStab)

Kate Beckinsale’s fugu phobia (PerezHilton)

The end of civilization as we know it, and it’s Paris Hilton’s fault (Mollygood)

Nothing is sacred to Disney (Dlisted)

Bruce Willis will moisten a bitch! (ICYDK)

Twelve greatest opening credits in history (AgentBedhead)

Nicole Kidman’s Botox cannot hide her excitement (Defamer)

Jesus died on the cross so you would tip your damn barista (Jezebel)

How to be a YouTube superstar (Gawker)

There has been a long and glorious history of using puppies to sell toilet paper. I would give you a timeline of advertising etc. if I were not so fundamentally lazy but, as I think we all know by now, I AM fundamentally lazy (and also I have just eaten an entire bag of Brach’s All Black Jelly Bird Eggs so may stroke out at any minute) so you can just google it yourownselves.

I don’t know why, but apparently nothing says personal freshness than a slobbering, destructive, wriggling ball of claws and teeth. Well, at least that’s what the marketing people say and they should know, since most of the the ones marketing people I know spend quite a lot of time in the bathroom, most typically accompanied by rolled up dollar bills and a small mirror.

ANYWAY

I love toilet paper and I love puppies but what I cannot get behind (as it were) is actually NAMING a puppy after a brand of toilet paper. Witness here, poor Cottonelle, “The Comfort Dog”

I love blondes, but don’t you think that a chocolate lab might have been more appropriate?