Ayyyy!

I lost a bet! (TheBlemish)

Seal (angrily) seeks bukkit (GabbyBabble)

Who wore it best: Nicky Hilton or your grandma’s parlour? (CircusHour)

Oprah’s image in a million little pieces (Defamer)

Boondock Saints resurrected (AgentBedhead)

Survivor Micronesia recap–Help fight Ostenoperosis (RealityTVTalk)

South Park stops blaming Canada, starts blaming Britney instead (CelebritySmack)

Meet Kirstin Davis in person (GoneHollywood)

Liev Schreiber half nekkid! (JustJared)

Johnny Depp, shorn! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Demon Barber of Wilshire Blvd also attacks David Beckham (ASocialiteLife)

Scariest Celebrity Faces (Cityrag)

America’s Next Top Bitchfight (I’mBringingBloggingBack)

Winona Ryder can’t even afford to shoplift from Rodeo Drive anymore! (Celebitchy)

Shia LaBoeuf pleads not guilty to charge of being smokin’ hot (Popsugar)

Hannah Montana is killing babies! (Ecorazzi)

Kate Moss dances on Jim Morrison’s grave (HollywoodRag)

Charlize Theron’s zygotes are ready for action (ImNotObsessed)

The Mariah Carey Purity Quiz (PollsBoutique)

Suicide chez Mel Gibson (DailyStab)

Orlando Bloom is extreme (Fitceleb)

George Clooney’s manhood-enhancing cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Praise be to the four-day weekend! Whoop whoop, for my bra-clad entourage and I will be taking a brief but much-needed sojourn to Japan.  There’ll be eating and carousing and gawking at all the gothic Lolitas and best of all, there’ll be vast amounts of shopping! Who knows what I’ll pick up for my closet in this crazy wacked out land. I’m packing light in anticipation of a bountiful harvest and if it still doesn’t fit, then I guess I’ll just have to see how much I can carry on my body. Until next week, Sayonara minna-san!

Awwww, how adorable! So innocent and inquisitive! Ain’t she the cutest, roly poly bundle of fluff you ever seen? 

Five hours later……

What a little scamp! That’s the fourth keeper we’ve been through this month.  It’s back to your climate-controlled cave and no dessert for you!  

One models environmentally sound fashion, the other behaves in a mentally unsound fashion.

Japan goes insane for baseball-playing koala (WithMalice)

Martha Stewarts booze all-stars (Defamer)

Anderson Cooper recovering from cancer surgery (Gawker)

Scandal in the Heath Ledger estate (DailyStab)

Twenty-five most whipped men in the world (Style.com)

The exploitation of Daniel Radcliffe’s bum! Daniel Radcliffe’s Bum! (AgentBedhead)

You can never un-see this, so click at own risk (DListed)

Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend gave her a ring. And not on the phone (Celebitchy)

Madonna still wearing hers, surprisingly (ImNotObsessed)

Cha-cha not the only thing going down on Dancing with the Stars (CelebritySmack)

When bad makeup happens to good C-Listers (DerekHail)

Colin Farrell celebrates his third Sober St Pat’s (ICYDK)

Jen/Owen/Kate/fake triangle fake drama (popbytes)

Shia LaBeouf is on the lam! (CelebNewsWire)

Things white people like: Dinner Parties! (ThingsWhitePeopleLike)

Jenna Jameson to star in Zombie Strippers? Documentary, perhaps? (CircusHour)

The pulling power of celebrity: someone still wants Carrot Top (Craigslist)

Amy Winehouse really could use that infamous red bra right about now (NSFW!!!) (POTP)

Is this the most disappointingly misleading headline ever? (Cityrag)

Halle Berry covers her baby’s bases. Planning a move to Gaza? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Steve Jobs = Cthulhu (Raincoaster)

Oh I hate to do it, I do. But when I saw this photo my first thought was…woah, McWhateverhisnameis –the one who wasn’t in “Mobsters”– from Grey’s Anatomy has REALLY got to withdraw from the Christina Aguilera School of Eyebrow Pluckery before he depilates his way out of my heart, and by heart I mean pants.*

Eddie Izzard, you are very funny and I get that you’re playing the Hollywood game and not really doing the transvestite shtick anymore so you’d appeal to more mainstream roles, but listen sister, just because you gave us “cake or death” and a loose translation of The Italian Job as told in French by mice with questionable planning abilities –which made me feel really cool because I was the only one who spoke French in the group so I got to laugh and feel all sophisticated n’ stuff– it does NOT mean that you can go around with designer stubble and an anemic Liz Taylor brow shooting Blue Steel at us. Who are you, Kevin Spacey?

Work it out.

*You know what I mean.

What insightful comment did Woody Allen make during this momentous meeting between two masters in their fields?
(a) Show me what you got in corduroy, dahling.
(b) Trust me, it looks much better with a sock puppet on.
(c) I pray to God that Scarlett Johansson never discovers cocaine or plastic surgery.
(d) Yes, but is it genuine leather?

After months of speculation which had us chewing our nails down to little nubs, our favourite manufactured reality girl group Danity Kane is all set to fire up again with the release of their new album Welcome to the Dollhouse. Group member Aubrey O’Day recently gave an interview expounding on everything we ever wanted to know, like who takes the longest in the bathroom, is she still carrying Diddy’s love child and is their new album just a whole lot of stylised grinding and moaning:

We’re very proud of that fact because we took control over the way we wanted this album to come out. Is it heavily sexual? Absolutely not. You happened to mention the songs that are a little more edgy, but nothing is a blunt sexual statement. It’s more of a tease. Everything is like, “I’m a woman, hear me roar. And if you want to hear me roar, you may have to come prove to me you’re worthy.” I think that’s a good message to send to women.

As opposed to the message being sent out below which roughly translates into “A rich and powerful man controls my career so you better be damn sure I’m going to wear whatever he picks out for me in his lamest fantasies.”

Here are the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. The Matchmaker
2. Veronica Guerin
3. Far and Away
4. Laws of Attraction
5. Waking Ned Devine
6. The Devil’s Own
7. Michael Collins
8. Angela’s Ashes
9. My Left Foot
10. Circle of Friends

Well done to Poochie for a valiant 6/10, you may now dance a little jig of triumph in your living room and smirk knowingly at everyone else!  As for the rest of you, apologies for not including that infamous scene in The Crying Game - I know you were all really looking forward to studying it closely.  Thanks for playing and look out for a new one next Monday!

Mommy, please make the scary lady go away! Sure, but it will cost you around $50 million and a ruined hairdo as well:

HEATHER MILLS reportedly threw a glass of water over SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY’s lawyer during their divorce showdown on Monday (17Mar08). Mills won $33 million (GBP16.5 million) cash with assets worth $15.6 million (GBP7.8 million) following the breakdown of her four-year marriage to the former Beatle. But before a breakdown of the judgement was unveiled to the world’s press, the 40-year-old calmly approached solicitor Fiona Shackleton and tipped a glass of water over her head, reports British newspaper The Sun. The claims were supported by photographs of Shackleton, who arrived at the High Court in London for a hearing at 10.15am (GMT) sporting a perfectly styled bob, but emerged almost five hours later with bedraggled hair.

Very brave of Heather to seize an entire glass of water like that. If there had been a tussle for it, things could have gotten really ugly. Nobody likes to see anybody get hurt, much less collapsed into a semi-puddle in the middle of the floor screaming “I’m melting! Melting!”.

Priscilla Presley on the weight-loss benefits of performing on Dancing With the Stars:

“I think I’ve lost inches!” Priscilla tells Extra. “You don’t feel like eating. You don’t eat before rehearsals because you can’t. Then when you come out of rehearsals, you don’t feel like eating.”

I’m a big fan of this diet too. It means that more people will get to keep their necks and souls intact.

Celebs know you hate them (Gawker)

We’ve lost Will Smith (Defamer)

Conan the Late Night Barbarian (Cityrag)

Kelly Clarkson is a Commando! (DailyStab)

Who’d you rather? Luck of the drunkish game (LiquidGeneration)

50 animals with drinking problems (BestWeekEver)

Heather Mills gets nearly $50 million, makes her daughter fly coach anyway (Celebitchy)

Cindy Crawford’s beach house like a Russian nesting doll (Celebslam)

Full Frontal Friday (NSFW! and Jim Carrey is on there!) (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The end of Abba (GlitteratiGossip)

Divorce is pricey, y’all! (EvilBeet)

Michael Stipe’s closet has a revolving door (Dlisted)

Breaking: Ashton Kutcher is decorative (ImNotObsessed)

Orlando Bloom’s face suitable for scrubbing pans in a diner. Still decorative, though (Popsugar)

Pussycat Doll wears Mom Jeans! (TheGrumpiest)

Nicole Richie is as sick of Paris Hilton as everyone else (CelebritySmack)

Heather Mills is psychostylin’ (GoFugYourself)

Britney Spears in: Mad Max, Beyond Thunderthighs! (Yeeeeah)

Celebrities who look like leprechauns (CircusHour)

Halle Berry had her baby girl (PerezHilton)