Ayyyy!

A word of caution ladies - if you are adamant that panties are to be your only mode of lower body apparel when appearing on a German variety show, then please please go for the most brightly coloured, farthest away from your skintone pair out there.  That way you can avoid that whole open-jawed double take “wait was that…did she just….wtf is wrong with German tv…” thing that people will inevitably do when the camera and lighting angles decide to join forces against you.

In celebration of St Patrick’s Day, this week’s Puzzle corner is a big load of blarney and ballyhoo!  Here for your solving enjoyment are a diverse bunch of movies but the common thread linking them is the Emerald Isle.  You can also click on the montage for a bigger version if you’re feeling over-revelled and it’s all one big blur to you.

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. The winner will be entitled to dance a merry little jig of victory in front of the computer.

Sure, it’s important to be seen in the right kind of clothing but don’t be afraid to leave some breathing room for bare skin.  Remember, men don’t generally have x-ray vision and it’s what underneath that counts!

Behold, a reason for us to commit to losing weight around our inner thighs! As for me, I’m not going to waste any time. Pass me that liposuction hose and a bucketload of talcum powder and I’m good to go!

Imagine my look of abject horror upon discovering my internet connection was down yesterday. Trapped — a prisoner locked away from the online world!  Thankfully order has been restored, allowing me to sensibly reflect upon the past 24 hours and concede it was really only a disaster of minor proportions unlike what’s happening with Miss Raven Symone below.

Operation Reznorgasm complete! (AgentBedhead)

Mary Ann not into Maryjane (Defamer)

The Bad Boys of Blogging vs Beloved B-Listers (Jezebel)

Happy COMPLETELY INSANE Birthday, Tom Cruise (Gawker)

Fabio is completely secure in his masculinity (Cityrag)

Patrick Swayze is still on the cancer sticks (Popbytes)

Miley Cyrus is, like, a total brainiac, rilly (GabbyBabble)

Kevin Federline is Dirty Thirty (BittenAndBound)

ScarJo is not a cheap date (HotMommaGossip)

Judd Nelson candid…the Eighties are definitely OVER (TMZ)

Welcome to the jungle. Lilo keeps the Eighties alive (which explains why they’re still dead) (Yeeeeah)

Your token Irish beefcake for St.Patrick’s Dale. Pale and slightly fatty (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Nicole Kidman needs to trank up her bodyguards (Celebritysmack)

Helen Mirren is MORE sexy (JustJared)

If Obama were white, if Clinton were black (TheNewRepublic)

Charlize Theron accepts America (ImNotObsessed)

Britney erases Kabbalah  (CelebWarship)

Kate Bosworth has David Bowie eyes (Egotastic)

The Heather Locklear suicide call mess sorted out (Celebitchy)

Madonna is trying too hard (DailyStab)

P Puff Diddy Daddy starts a cab service for the A-list (CelebParasite)

Catherine Zeta-Jones gives quotes she’ll come to regret (PerezHilton)

My pal Biscuit, who is NOT a Russian Mafia moll, drew my attention to this spectacular array of tombstones belonging to Russian mobsters. An enterprising people, these daisy-pushing deviants had an eye for flash as well as fiscal responsibility, thus they managed to find a corporate sponsor in none other than my grandma’s old Mercedes C-class.

First we have the young hottie of the group. I don’t know how I feel about double breasted suit jackets on a stocky man, but eh, it’s his funeral.

Second we have That Guy Who Looks Like He Should. THIS is how I like my dead Russian mobsters; greasy, bejeweled, bevested and bearing a significant resemblance to a very ticked off Bea Arthur.

Of course, there’s always an obligatory prison-issue tear drop tattoo. Why is it that if you have a tear drop under one eye you’re scary and cool but if you have a tear drop under both eyes, you’re just a mime?

There are plenty more…visit englishrussia.com to see ‘em. I particularly like the close-up shot of the man holding a lucky horseshoe keychain. How do you say EPIC FAIL in Russian?

The Butterscotch Stallion cannot outrun the consequences of his hotness (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse possessed by demons! (AgentBedhead)

The many faces of Tracey Ullman (Popbytes)

A day in the life of batshiat Britney (Celebitchy)

Nicole Kidman is not nocturnal, nor is she possessed of leathery wings? (WWTDD)

She is, however, visibly different from 20th Century Nicole Kidman (TressedOutCelebs)

Kanye’s girfriend decides he’s still too annoying to marry (Bossip)

Charlie Sheen to appear in his underwear? (ICYDK)

Amy Winehouse is Amy Winehouse’s Dad’s fault (HollywoodRag)

James Gandolfini hospitalized (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer is a pillhead (AllieIsWired)

Celebrity sex dolls (Radar)

Top ten fake celebrity blogs (Gawker)

Posh and Becks are leaving us because we just don’t love them enough. Kidding! (Mollygood)

George Clooney in Darfur (Popsugar)

One we could live without (DailyStab)

Has Sheryl Crow gone Scientologist? (PerezHilton)

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden buy a NYC condo (ImNotObsessed)

Iggy Pop knows you want him (GoFugYourself)

Now that the weather is warming up in your neck of the woods, think about installing a few layers of fetching foil-backed insulation around your body. So cooling, you’ll need matching armwarmers to ward off those goosebumps!

Which of the following best describes the puppy’s sentiments?
(a) Unconvinced by recent gossip about Owen’s sizzling reunion with Kate Hudson
(b) Even more unconvinced by the latest attempt to hype up Owen and Jennifer Aniston as a new golden couple
(c) Looking forward to the moment when it will also become romantically linked with Owen
(d) Wishing it was cradled in the hunky arms of Eric Dane instead because hey there’s plenty of love to go around

George Clooney, straight up (AgentBedhead)

Mary Ann FTW! (Celebritysmack)

Owen Wilson discovers he’s not Jesus (Defamer)

Discovers he may be dating Jennifer Aniston (Star)

Maybe Ginger Spice is Jesus? (Dlisted)

How to annoy Mariah Carey (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jodie Foster just can’t catch a break (Celebitchy)

Madonna is afraid of you (ImNotObsessed)

Lindsay Lohan is a do-it-yourselfer (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Betty White kicks ass (Cityrag)

Iggy Pop will not be stopped (Mollygood)

Eddie Van Halen is back in rehab (PerezHilton)

Bigfoot invades LA (CircusHour)

Jodie Foster and her sons (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Britney Spears hates her life (PopOnThePop)

Julianne Moore spits on Spitzer (JustJared)

Cindy Crawford’s child is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals (Celebslam)

Your latest “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to marry” rumour (HollywoodRag)

Paula Abdul on the confidence-boosting compliments about her appearance:

“Most people say I look better than I ever have. It feels good when I see young boys staring at me, saying, ‘I wish my mum looked that hot!’

Well done Paula, for raising the bar and making mothers everywhere have to work even harder to fulfil their sons’ Oedipal fantasies.