Ayyyy!

Let’s unveil, so to speak, the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Four Weddings and a Funeral
2. The Bachelor
3. Runaway Bride
4. Spiderman 2
5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
6. The Wedding Singer
7. American Wedding
8. The Graduate
9. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
10. Father of the Bride

Congrats to running with heels for a magnificent 9 out of 10! Your erudition in big screen weddings is a marvel to behold! Plus an honourable mention to Kate for identifying that elusive no. 4. For your comparison here is a youthful Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias.  Thanks for playing!

Everybody knows it’s there but nobody wants to acknowledge it. And the longer we pussyfoot around it, the more rambunctious its behaviour will get. 

From the rumour mill comes word (and plenty of schadenfreude) that the union of tv personality Star Jones and Al Reynolds has come undone:

Nearly three and half years after they swapped “I dos” at their corporate-sponsored wedding, Star Jones and Al Reynolds are calling it quits. The National Enquirer reports the legal diva sent Al his walking papers a month ago.

A rep for Jones says the report is false, but the Enquirer goes on to say, “They hadn’t been seeing eye to eye for months and had already spent a great deal of time apart,” a friend of the couple told the Enquirer. “Finally, Star decided it was over. She told Al at the end of January that he had 30 days to get his act together or ‘get out.’”…

The Enquirer spoke to another insider who confirmed the breakup and revealed Star’s intention to make it permanent. “Star is planning to divorce Al.” As for reason behind the split, the source added, “I think Star felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting. She resented it. Deep down, Star is a very old-fashioned woman who believes a man should support her emotionally, physically and financially. She now believes Al failed her.”

I must admit that this split did not hit me as hard as say, the sudden disintegration of Eddie Murphy’s “symbolic” marriage.  Despite reading about their intoxicatingly sexual connection, I’ve always had the feeling that this couple were mismatched in more ways than one.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is back in the limelight, promoting her new movie and reminding us that she is still hotness incarnate:

The Oscar-winner has two children with husband Michael Douglas, and Death Defying Acts sees Zeta-Jones stepping into a motherly role on screen.”Obviously, my career is expanding and I am a mother and so I’m not going to be rip-roaring in corsets playing a 19-year-old because I’m not, I’m 38 years old,” she said.

“I’m actually really lucky and glad these other roles have come along and I can play a mother.”

But, she said, she wasn’t about to abandon sexy roles altogether.

“In my next movie, which is an untitled movie at the moment, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me, put it that way,” she said.

“I’m not going to be playing old grannies anytime soon.

“You see, I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet.”

This is heartening to hear and we look forward to seeing what Catherine has in store for us, even as her younger co-stars wring their hands in fear and worry at her impending peak in sexiness.

Heath Ledger leaves Matilda out of his will (Defamer)

Tilda Swinton hates Harry Potter (Gawker)

Happy Birthday, Emma Watson (Derober)

Leonard Cohen is a beautiful loser (AgentBedhead)

1 Clooney, 2 girls, and 1 cup (Celebitchy)

A letter to the mad bomber of Times Square (IBBB)

Anne Heche to scare the horses (GabbyBabble)

Crazy Britney Spears has the craziest stalker. It’s kind of perfect (Yeeeeah)

Big Gay Al is free! Star Jones prepares to coug at a singles bar near you (Cityrag)

Celine Dion is Cousin Itt! (CelebritySmack)

Governor Spitzer refuses to privatize his sex life, shares it with downtrodden call girls (Dlisted)

Pierrot clown claims someone was stealing Kurt Cobain’s money (CircusHour)

America’s Next Top Models are America’s Current Slobbiest Tenants (CelebWarship)

Angelina’s baby bump is in mourning (JustJared)

Cocktail waitress gives up job to marry George Clooney (IDLYITW)

Matthew McConaughey wants to name his son after beer (HollywoodRag)

Jamie-Lynn’s baby bump is bountiful (US)

Lindsay Lohan’s next gig? (TeenyManolo)

Top seven Suri Cruise Conspiracy Theories (BritboyLA)

Britney’s about to meet my mother (TMZ)

Natalie Portman wants to give it away (Jezebel)

Joe Francis is about to skip bail (PerezHilton)

If at first you don’t succeed, you marry Tom Cruise (Mollygood)

Should wives of scandalous men stand by them? (CitizenSugar)

Cindy Crawford notches another kill (HollywoodTuna NSFW!)

This just in from Alert Reader Harridan P. of someplacenotinTexas, America.

It seems that our beloved snugglemuffin, George Clooney “admitted” to having a rather delicate cosmetic procedure peformed on his funky bunch that’s “the new thing in Hollywood.” While I have long maintained that a man should feel free to train the dancing bears any way he wants, one cannot but wonder if perhaps this situation might have called for something a little less…drastic.

For this week’s puzzle corner I’ve put together a smorgasbord of movie weddings, from the romantic to the comedic to the classic. Your task is to sift through the layers of tulle and identify which movie the wedding scenes below have come from. 

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning.

In the red corner, the richest woman in music, mother of reinvention and saviour of Africa who’s ready to conquer the world with her unstoppable animal print crotch.  Who will dare challenge this overly toned fighting machine for ultimate diva supremacy?

Well my money’s on Celine Dion and her devastating right hook.

What do you mean “top-heavy”? Of course your bust should be three times larger than your hips.

If Mischa Barton’s doing it then it’s definitely worth slavishly copying too!  So come on people, say goodbye to the oppressive forces of winter and hello to a brand new season of experimenting with free love, drugs and a careless mishmash of styles! 

Oscar nominated celebrity strippers! (Defamer)

Owen Wilson was the Times Square bomber? (Gawker)

Celebrity Sex Scenes (raincoaster)

Liam Gallagher enjoys a Metrosexual Oasis (AgentBedhead)

Lucy Liu is the wildcat to Jenna Jameson’s Jocelyn Wildenstein (GabbyBabble)

Helen Keller can still make the news even without Patty Duke Astin (DiscoveryNews)

Greasy Gummi Bear busted with heroin (CelebritySmack)

Colin Farrell is intense in GQ (AllieIsWired)

Butt, Mischa… (TheBastardly)

$1.5 million still won’t buy you a brain; the most painful pictures you will see all day (CoEdMag)

SJP fall down, go BOOM! Go BOOM real good! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Dita von Teese still takes her clothes off for a living, looks better in them than we ever will (ImNotObsessed)

Jack Nicholson was kicked out of a Rolling Stones concert (DailyStab)

Buster Martin is more man than Jack Nicholson will ever be! (CircusHour)

Owen Wilson and me (JustJared)

Britney’s got a new stalker! (PerezHilton)

Wino lives up to her name (Mirror)

Justin Timberlake has a problem with women (HollywoodReporter)

What is the most plausible explanation for Ashton Kutcher’s airborne ascent?
(a) he’s rehearsing for his role as a young Mikhail Baryshnikov in the new movie Dude, Where’s My Leotard
(b) he received the gift of levitation from Criss Angel for his recent 30th birthday
(c) prolonged and excessive use of the Master Cleanse Diet has rendered him particularly vulnerable to freak gusts of wind 
(d) Kabbalah, like Red Bull, gives you wings