Ayyyy!

Meet Your Master: New Nine Inch Nails single free for download tonight (TheRadReport)

Katie Holmes vs Victoria Beckham: pretty hate machines (Defamer)

Every day, every one, is exactly the same to Karl Lagerfeld (Gawker)

With teeth: Hillary Duff’s veneers (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Why does James Frey get all the love in the literary world? (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend is something Ashley Olsen can never have (CelebritySmack)

That’s what Richie Sambora gets (for driving drunk) (CelebrityDirt)

You know what you are, Paris Hilton? (CelebWarship)

The line begins to blur: Pulp Fiction, by William Shakespeare  (Metaquotes)

Help me, I am in fashion hell (CandyKirby)

Happiness in slavery available to Ashton Kutcher at my house any time! (DailyStab)

Sanctified: yes, Beyonce and Jay-Z are married (ImNotObsessed)

Natalie Portman down in it, not quite down with it (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Jessica Simpson’s ringfinger/finger ringer? (IBBB)

Guns ‘n Roses’ terrible (eternal) lie (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Connor Cruise doesn’t bite the hand that feeds (JustJared)

Head has, like, a hole: The Hoff has eye surgery (HolyMoly)

This isn’t the most flattering ensemble that Diane Kruger has put on in her offscreen role as a couture clothes-horse.  The cut of her frock has squashed her bosom to boyish proportions and created the unjust illusion of opera-ready knickerbockers. Meanwhile she appears to be struggling to weasel her way out of those novelty furry cuffs. 

But really, in the grand scheme of things it’s also by no means the most heinous thing she’s worn and as her expression and body language so clearly say: “Oh come on, give me a break will you? Did you even see what that Rinko Kikuchi girl has on?”  

Whoa, get a load of Jodie Marsh’s…tan lines! They’re so incredibly…pronounced! 

Just as one British glamour model has decided to retire her trusty pair of silicone melons, so another must rise to the occasion and take up the mantle of those hallowed 32GGs. Only then will the delicate balance of the universe be restored.

George Clooney’s bedroom habits (CelebuWreck)

Olsen fetus rocks the lamb fetus (IBBB)

Amy Winehouse celebrates 4:20 (CelebrityDirt)

Kate Hudson is ageing, should get her hands off my man (BittenAndBound)

James Bond’s car cannot swim (Jalopnik)

“Forbidden Kingdom” permitted (Defamer)

Texas Polygamist Wives Calendar (BestWeekEver)

Charlie Rose on Charlie Rose on the Internet by Samuel Beckett (Valleywag)

Ewan MacGregor’s daily grind (DailyStab)

Tom Cruise works it like it’s 1989 (AgentBedhead)

Disney Princes: rated R for “rawwwwr!” (TeenyManolo)

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James hit by drunk driver (CelebritySmack)

Lilo drunko, lezbo, yo (EvilBeet)

Pete Doherty may not be the world’s most responsible tenant. Shock! Horror! (CeleBitchy)

The Mona Lisa exploited! (Gawker)

McDreamy at Made of Honor premiere (JustJared)

DC is anti-fun! (PerezHilton)

Jen Aniston cheaps out on Oprah? (Mollygood)

So CNN personality Richard Quest got caught with his  pants full of drugs and his manjunk all macraméd up like my grandma’s begonias in some sort of kinky …something, and I for one say well done. It has been far, far too long since last we’ve had a good Central Park cruising scandal and while this one wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for (really I’m holding out for something involving Morley Safer, a ball gag and a stolen llama dyed the colors of the American Flag) I’ll take it anyway I can get it. If you know what I mean, and I think you do.

As Wikipedia describes this 80s classic by Corey Hart:

The original lyrics for the song were about a totalitarian society that made everyone wear their sunglasses at night; however under pressure from Hart’s record company to make something more marketable, the song was altered to be more “romantic”.

Totalitarianism under the guise of romance? What an absurd notion, who would possibly let that sort of thing happen to them?

This week we waft into the heady realm of lab-cultivated pheromones to test your knowledge of celebrity scents.  In the absence of digital smell synthesisers, you will have to make do with inspecting the elaborately packaged merchandise below.

Identify the celebrity creator behind these fragrances (extra kudos if you also know the name of the perfume).  Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning.

Stylish but oh so wonderfully practical! Now you have all the protection you need from harmful UV and gamma radiation! Great for those who toil under the harsh sun or within the secret underground lair of an evil genius hellbent on taking over the world with his fearsome atomic lizards.

This is why you should always run through an underwear roll call before the entire bridal party leaves for the ceremony. Oh well, looks like someone will just have to sit out the bouquet toss!

Henry Rollins, gay icon (WendyWayrad)

The honeymoon is over for Beyonce and Jay-Z (Yeeeeah)

Debbie Gibson has a scary Spanish stalker (WhizbangPop)

CNN reporter in speed bust (CeleBitchy)

Celebrities celebrate 420 (CityRag)

A narrow escape for a cinematic classic: Tom Cruise as Edward Scissorhands? (HolyMoly)

Jude Law morphing into your creepy, manorexic uncle (SplashNews)

Heath Ledger may have taken The Method too far (Gabsmash)

Pete Doherty’s credit is good? (TheRadReport)

The incredible Tony Romo impregnation juggernaut? (CelebrityDirt)

Gary Busey soon to be as homeless as he appears! (CelebritySmack)

TomKat is the very picture of marital bliss (DailyStab)

Happy Birthday, Suri! (CircusHour)

Fundie fashion fun (Mollygood)

Evan Rachel Wood is over Marilyn Manson (or at least her face is) (JustJared)

Mariah Carey walks out on her fans (PerezHilton)

So it looks like Simpson the Lesser (I’m totally team Jessica by the way, I like my vapid blonde starlets genuinely vapid. Keep your creme-rinsed facade of kohl-based angst away from me, Ashlee!) and her fiance –that guy with the hair from that band I don’t know anything about– might have figured out how to make babies.

Oh great. You KNOW this is how Planet of the Product-Using Apes starts.

If they discover fire, we’re all going down.

Now here’s an award that will come in handy for eviscerating those pesky home intruders and autograph hunters.  So much more effective than those puny statuettes they dole out at the Oscars!