Ayyyy!

La Toya Jacksanity (SeriouslyOMG)

Nicolette Sheridan exudes fabulousness (Celebslam)

America’s next top freak (IBBB)

Madonna Global Media Domination Tour (JensJuice)

Tom Cruise loses his Packer (AgentBedhead)

Ginger Spice and the Goth Lesbian of Doom (ImNotObsessed)

Britney Spears and Big Sur (DailyStab)

Play the Celebrity Cosmetic Surgery Game! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Daydream Believer in the magic of Davy Jones Karaoke (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse is a commuter’s worst nightmare (CelebritySmack)

Pot/Kettle Pot/Potkettle What I mean to say is Ashlee/Britney (CeleBitchy)

Uma Thurman’s lawyer will butt-rape France (InTouch)

Mariah and Mr Mariah have been inseparable since marrying last week. Uh, thanks for that, PR machine (PopSugar)

Beverly Hills Chihuahua! (DListed)

If you were to draw a thought bubble above the koala’s head what would it say?
(a) Those Kardashians are such hangers on.
(b) While you’re back there, can you use your face to wipe my ass too?
(c) Reality show stars - a more serious problem than climate change.
(d) This is the most boring sex tape I’ve ever made.

I’ve never gotten the appeal of Nigella Lawson. I’ve caught her show a few times and it’s a-ight and when I worked in a bookstore in college I’d occasionally get a new box of cookbooks with Nigella on the cover with her in a tight shirt fellating or preparing to fellate some sort of moderately appetizing looking foodstuff. Once I caught her on a radio show where she declared Old Bay Seasoning to be the best thing about America, and although that is undeniably true and she shows excellent judgment in regional spice blends I just cannot give her a pass on this:

I get that this is a Lavender Trust party and that one tries to be thematic but honey, no.

You’re a chef and you are wearing a headwreath of ingredients and sure you’re pretty enough to just about carry it off, but this could be the beginning of an ugly trend and if you see Sandra Lee waltzing around in a bikini made of pre-cooked chicken tenders, you have no one but yourself to blame.

One is Playboy’s Playmate of the Year, the other is P. Diddy’s pop tart of the moment.

Indiana Jones and the Fortress of Suckitude? (AgentBedhead)

Cindy Crawford and the Potion of Immortality (IBBB)

Ashley Olsen: “Small world, isn’t it?” Elizabeth Hurley: “Too small for the two of us” (CelebritySmack)

That woman is old enough to be your granddaughter, George Clooney! (DListed)

This is how we say goodbye in Hollywood (Defamer)

Throw me the American Idol pedo, I’ll throw you the whip (GabbyBabble)

Don’t call him Junior! RyRey and ScarJo may breed (DailyStab)

Don’t call Ryan Seacrest Junior either! Although he probably likes it when you do that (CandyKirby)

Hollywood snakes. Why’d it have to be Hollywood snakes? (Mollygood)

Tori Spelling looking rough: It’s not the years, it’s the mileage (ImNotObsessed)

Pubic lice. Why’d it have to be pubic lice? (raincoaster)

Nina Garcia sez: You can’t do this to me! I’m an American! (PerezHilton)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of LaBeoufcake (JustJared)

So once again, law enforcement, what was briefly yours is now ours. Welcome back, Wino (CeleBitchy)

Obama is allowing you to tag along. So why don’t you give your mouth a rest? Okay, doll? (Gawker)

Manolo says, certainly not Isabella Rossellini.

Wired: Were you concerned that dressing up in a bee costume might affect your image as a high-style glamour icon?

Isabella Rossellini: I never really think about what I have to do to stick to my image. I just follow what I like to do. Sometimes it’s glamorous, sometimes it’s not.

Just be thankful Kylie Minogue decided to add an extra K on the end.  Otherwise it could have ended up more awkward than having someone’s hand firmly wedged against your perfectly formed backside in order to maintain the entire troupe’s centre of gravity.

1. This is how you safely secure your assistant before throwing knives at them 
2. See what happens when you play around with superglue?
3. The nice lady bodyguard is just protecting Justin from his fans
4. They are participating in an earthquake drill
5. Kabbalah demands it

Somebody takes the Link Challenge to a new, post-literary level (CelebritySmack)

The twiglets strike back: celeb on pap violence (Defamer)

Sienna Miller flees the country after Pap Attack (PopSugar)

All hail Zombie Captain America! (AgentBedhead)

Guess the celebrity rack! (Derober)

Marilyn Manson is trying to kill Evan Rachel Wood (ImNotObsessed)

Kylie Minogue spins her web of domination, brings executioners (StyleDash)

Perez Hilton to assault your closet! (OK!)

The Amy Winehouse on Crack Rampage Show airs a new episode (Radar)

Amy Winehouse on Crack Rampage Show moved to new location: lockup (DailyStab)

Pregnant Old Nicole Kidman knifed in back by Amelie actress (CeleBitchy)

Kelly Osbourne attacks an innocent sidewalk and a defenceless wall (DListed)

Grand Theft Auto wipes out the competition (LifeLine)

Pete Doherty will kill him (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay Lohan is mean, ugly (PopSugar)

Karl Lagerfeld is a gun-toting seal. Get Kiefer Sutherland to club him already! (GoFugYourself)

Old pinko hippie vegan to give away album, singlehandedly crush recording industry (PerezHilton)

Charity benefits can be tricky things.  There’s always a quandary over what’s going to get those wealthy industrialists to notice you more.  Do you showcase your boobs by strapping them down in the same manner as the Lilliputians did to Gulliver? Or is it better to hike your skirt up around the armpits and go with the legs instead?  Choose wrongly and you could end up going home with one of those underperforming hedge fund managers instead *shudder*.

Here are the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Tom Selleck
2. Tom Jones
3. Sean Connery
4. David Hasselhoff
5. Burt Reynolds
6. Hugh Jackman
7. Chuck Norris
8. Simon Cowell
9. Alec Baldwin
10. Josh Groban

Congratulations to Boudica for skidding to victory with a score of 6 out of 10, followed closely by Heather Outside Boston.  We vociferously praise your profound understanding of the celebrity chest-pelts. And for those of you who still haven’t had your fill, here are some other hirsute specimens for further study.

A) Did David Gest and Nicholas Cage really have a baby?
B) Why did they give him a harmonica?
C) Is he wearing individuals?