Be honest now, what do you think of Miss USA’s chances in this year’s contest? I really don’t think her heart is in it - her costume suggests that she would much rather be participating in something way more prestigious and well-loved, like a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.
Happy Birthday Solange Knowles! You’re certainly looking…radiant. What’s that you say? Your mother and sister picked out your birthday outfit? In that specific colour? Ah, the shoes as well! They also did your hair and nails, you say? And even made sure not to outshine you by wearing drab ill-fitting clothes? I see. Have you thought about running away and joining a pack of hyenas? They would make much more trustworthy family members you know.
Here are the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Chris Martin (with his bare hands)
2. Hugh Grant (with lethal tub of baked beans)
3. Kate Moss (with super karate death kick)
4. Britney Spears (with umbrella of vengeance)
5. Jessica Biel (with umbrella of wrath)
6. Justin Timberlake (defending Cameron Diaz’s honour with a smouldering glare)
7. Pete Doherty (with a coked-up guitar)
8. Seal (protecting pregnant Heidi with an expert chokehold)
9. Ryan Philippe (with a half-eaten burger)
10. Sienna Miller (with flying hair and an all-powerful sideswipe)
Congratulations to blaugrau for a masterful 7 out of 10! We are duly impressed by your mad deductive skills in relation to paparazzi smackdowns. As your reward you may enjoy this classic footage of Bjork at Bangkok Airport and thank the heavens above you haven’t gotten on her wrong side (yet).
Buy-buy, Guy and Alliteration Challenge! (CelebritySmack)
Vader parader (Lolebrity)
David Hasselhoff is the King of the Internets! (AgentBedhead)
Colin Farrell could use some mash with that banger (Derober)
Corey HaimFeldman not feltup by MJ (CeleBitchy)
Boris Becker breeds with Barbara (CelebrityBabyScoop)
Locklear locked up (SeriouslyOMG)
Phoebie Price’s puckered posterior (DListed)
Ben has Boston on the brain, Hawaii in his heart (PopSugar)
World’s worst winner (Mollygood)
Efron fragrant sez friend (ImNotObsessed)
Nixon nixes bigger boobs (POTP)
Brendan balding (Websters)
Alicia Silverstone’s fart-free fidos (AllieIsWired)
Sienna Miller forced to sport falsies (GabbyBabble)
Snoop Dogg goes after country (DailyStab)
Jack Bauer for twenty-two hours (Defamer)
Four more 4/4’s! (FourFour)
What, Watts? (CandyKirby)
Heidi, ho (IBBB)
Bundchen brings back Brazil (JustJared)
Her advisers must be of the “sashay softly and carry a big stick” school of thought. Not the most scrupulous approach but a well-timed swing could wipe out all those wimps dressed in nothing but feathered headdresses. And if all else fails, it would still make a great Pepsi commercial, yes?
She may be living in the lap of luxury but this is the face of a woman who has known incredible hardship and suffering, and is fully conversant with the grim reality of Donald Trump in his birthday suit.
Steve Guttenberg wants your answers, and he wants them now even if it means having to savagely beat them out of you. But Steve is also merciful and is not above dropping hints like 100 pound anvils on your head:
1. Three of the females have been romantically linked to the same guy
2. One is a fashion icon, another is a pretend fashion icon
3. One was protecting his pregnant wife
4. One is married to an Oscar winner, another was married to an Oscar winner
5. Two are throwing food items
6. Five are musicians
RIP George Carlin (AgentBedhead)
Pete Doherty soaking in **** stew? (Lolebrity)
Celebrity **** shots (CityRag)
TV nerd ****ing contest (Websters)
Which divorced comedian is a closet **********? (Gawker)
Larry Birkhead is a ************ by proxy in this photo (CelebritySmack)
The face that launched a thousand *** jobs also launched one **** job (DailyStab)
Brittany Snow looks like a professional ****er (ImNotObsessed)
Tyra tries, falls short of the Forbidden Seven. But close, girlfriend (TheBastardly)
Rod Stewart is/loves a *** (Mollygood)
Larry Birkhead purchases some ***-centric family heirlooms (DListed)
Former professional ********** Courtney Love not dead, appearances notwithstanding (CandyKirby)
If a ************ hires a ********** in the forest, does it make a sound? (EvilBeet)
Amy Winehouse full of tar, nicotine, crack, benzene, and 57,000 other chemicals. Her father full of **** (CeleBitchy)
Seriously, is Katy Perry taking the ****? (GoFugYourself)
Say what you will about Courtney Love and her cadaverous bearing, but at least she has the good sense to let herself be driven home once she’s had her fill of partying and human blood.
This week we invite you to bring out your most prying set of lenses for the theme of ”When Celebrities Attack!”. Study the montage below (click for a bigger version) and see if you can guess who these ten paparazzi-pummeling celebrities are.
Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will be charging forth at random camera-wielding tourists and bludgeoning them with great gusto.
Embrace your inner girl with the 3 Fs - flouncy, floral and flauntaloons. So feminine, you’ll soon find frills sprouting out of your ladygarden!
