I understand that this used to be Joan Van Ark, but alas, no longer. Now it is a desiccated zombie-husk that can only point to what’s written behind it, as if to say “Wouldn’t it be more appropriate, given my current state, if the word was SCREAM instead?” 

I don’t know about this choice of outfit for the premiere about a movie involving pants that magically fit everyone.  All I know is that there’s clearly no magic in these pair of overalls, otherwise they could have hemmed themselves and worked it so there would be way less puckering at the back.

Good news, Naomi Campbell has found a new boyfriend in the form of a tall, mysterious Russian with substantial holdings.  But not for long though, for we’re actually looking at the moment just before her jaw unhinges and she bites the love-smitten billionaire’s head off. No wonder the poor dear’s been so unlucky in love!

L is for LolXena Looking down your shirt (Lolebrity)

V for Vitamins Aren’t Working, Tom (AgentBedhead)

H is for Hospital, which is for Amy Winehouse, stat (CelebritySmack)

B is for … Miley Cyrus! (DailyStab)

L is for Lindsay Lohan (DanasDirt)

D is for DUI for Shia Laboeuf (Defamer)

P is for mystery Passenger (ImNotObsessed)

F is for Maggie Gyllenhaal, Fashion Victim (EvilBeet)

S is for Sternum I’d rather not see (GoFugYourself)

H is for Hungry, and someone get Naomi Campbell a sammich! (CandyKirby)

R is for Roots, proof Marissa Miller isn’t perfect (IBBB)

B is for Bald John Mayer (JustJared)

J is for Jawbone of an ass (Websters)

M is for Manlove for Bob Saget (SeriouslyOMG)

B is for Bilson Bedhead (PopSugar)

F is for French Letters to Miley (Mollygood)

A is for Animals Attacking Celebrities (Gawker)

S is for Shark who can’t seem to swallow (CeleBitchy)

J is for Joker, and also Juvie (DListed)

It’s no use looking at the dashboard for answers Tony, you should have figured out how to fix the problem when you were still parked in the driveway at home.  The best you can do now is to bail out as quickly as possible before those twin airbags explode all over the place.

“Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead,” said Lucille Ball. This week we pay glorious tribute to that rarest of hair colours, with our theme of Celebrity Redheads. Have a look at the titian-tressed temptresses below and identify these natural redheads (ie who have not just dyed their hair red for a tv or movie role).

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will be slathering on Clairol’s Ginger in a Snap and generally acting all vivacious and feisty.

In Peru, many guinea pigs will meet a fate far worse than being fried to a delicious crisp and served up with some spicy sauce and potatoes.

For.those who want the convenience of going straight from their boudoir to the beach.  Wear these beauties and even the hermit crabs will be asking you for a private lapdance!