When you’re out of rum, you’ve got to improvise. And you think those French farmers would drink imported stuff, cold night or not? Hardly!

Tina Turner is hot stuff! (SkinnyVsCurvy)

Tom and Katie and Dave and Vicky heat up (AgentBedhead)

Ivana new boytoy (CelebritySmack)

Patrick Swayze sets things straight (CeleBitchy)

Colbert vs Kanye; the war heats up (TheBastardly)

It’s the Great Recession, Charlie Brown! (IBBB)

Pure evil vs natural beauty (DListed)

Blaaaaaake Incarcerated Again (DailyStab)

Was Kate Winslet cheated of nude glory? (Defamer)

Can “Zoolander II” be true? (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn turned the heat up on James Franco (GabbyBabble)

Starlet attacked by yeti (GoFugYourself)

Camilla Belle not so hung up on personal hygiene (Websters)

Boy George will cuff you! (Mollygood)

Helena Bonham Carter’s mime performance of Les Miserables (CandyKirby)

Jessica Alba’s a Campari calendar girl (PopSugar)

All happy to pose for a group photo but can you tell which one of us is scaring the others into a protective huddle with her usual unhinged ways? If you’re still stumped here’s another clue.

Pretty soon, we’ll be up to our armpits in pants. But for now, which would you be partial to – Alicia’s highwaisted jeans or the stratospheric heights of Britney’s short shorts?

Pomtinis count as a serving of fruit, you know. They’re full of antioxidants, so down a couple as you surf the gossip links tonight and work on your alibi.

WiNo-No strikes again? (AmyGrindhouse)

Is someone trying to kill Robert Downey Jr? (SeriouslyOMG)

What does Kate Moss have to do to get arrested in this town? (AgentBedhead)

When Pink finds out, Brandon Davis is gonna need protective custody (CeleBitchy)

William Balfour arrested for Hudson family murders (SocialiteLife)

David Spade needs a good lawyer (Celebslam)

The criminal truth of Tina Fey’s scar (CelebWarship)

Lindsay Lohan = Eddie Gein? (AllieIsWired)

American Express hates America (CelebuWreck)

Immortals team up for concert (CelebritySmack)

Criminal panty lines, Beyonce! (POTP)

Someone wants Simon Cowell bad enough to break the law (GabbyBabble)

Michael Phelps has mastered the George Clooney m. o. (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan has a Facebook impersonator: Lindsay Lohan? (EvilBeet)

Liveblogging Fake Karl by Dead Yves (FakeKarl)

False advertising! (CandyKirby)

Fun with Spam (IBBB)

Shia finally makes his Mom happy, becomes a lawyer (JustJared)

Giant douche can’t even manage to shoot himself in the foot (Mollygood)

Some criminal hairdos at the BAFTAs (UKPopsugar)

Save Canada! (OMG)

Marc Jacobs, necrophiliac? (Towleroad)

Your shirtless unicorn chaser (Defamer)

And at the BAFTA Children’s Awards no less! How about we try not to throw open the pod bay doors until the kids have gone to bed, eh Geri?

This week we appeal to your maternal instinct with the theme of “Pregnant Celebs on Magazine Covers”. Take a gander at the photo montage below and identify the gestating cover girls.

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will be strapping on a prosthetic belly and loudly craving banana bacon sandwiches.