If only all women automatically came with such eye-pleasing packaging.  Then all we’d have to do is sit back and wait for the right guy to pick us out from the pile – makes things so much easier for both sides! 

Better than it sounds, trust me.

Kim Kardashian’s Clonie (AgentBedhead)

Ben Stiller IS Joaquin Phoenix (AmyGrindhouse)

Mickey Rourke’s face double (BWE)

Gwen Stefani can make anything work (CelebWarship)

Nicky Hilton, badass (CeleBitchy)

Happy Birthday, Rihanna (CelebritySmack)

Nicole Kidman wears granny panties (CelebuWreck)

Then get off the floor, Sienna (DailyStab)

Top ten Oscar moments (Defamer)

Charles Barkley in the Pound (EvilBeet)

The ultimate liberal dream date (GabbyBabble)

God hates Martha Stewart, too (Gawker)

Mel Gibson, Sugar Tits Denier (HolyMoly)

Lessons learned from the Oscars (CandyKirby)

The Olson Twins are HOW old in dog years? (IBBB)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Razzies! (Websters)

Prince Harry the groupie (UKPopSugar)

If it’s too sci-fi gladiator, too smudgey or too ill-fitting for the Oscar auditorium, you’ll most probably find it at this highly exclusive affair.

Oh no, they didn’t tell me there would be such powerful camera flashes!  I wouldn’t have worn ANY underwear at all if I had known!

This week we invite you to brush up on movie history with the theme of “Oscar-winning Actresses from the Past”. Take a look at the photo montage below and identify the silver screen queens in question.

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will be practising my look of feigned surprise when this week’s results are announced.

Best of luck with tonight buddy, and as Jessica Alba is probably thinking above, let’s keep your hands where we can see them.

Okay, I’m back on the booze, if only fortified wine. Wish me luck at Northern Voice.

Hugh Jackman drunk, nude, and pumped (AgentBedhead)

John Legend is legendary (AmyGrindhouse)

Kenneth Branagh vs the Gods (CeleBitchy)

The Empress of Lucite changes shoes! (CelebritySmack)

One for the record books (CelebuWreck)

Dennis Miller on Jay Leno (DailyStab)

I do not think that word means what you think it does, Beyonce (Crunk&Disorderly)

Jennifer Lopez is frugal like Beyonce (GabbyBabble)

The Oscar Winner List leaked! (Defamer)

RIP Socks (DListed)

He’s a nice boy… (EvilBeet)

This is the topper (CandyKirby)

Is that dress made from an actual Cosby Sweater? (IBBB)

Proof Nicole Richie eats (TenGossip)

If the bikini fits… (SeriouslyOMG)

Boy toy expertly played (Websters)

Jack Straw gives Jade Goody a “dream wedding night”??? (UKPopSugar)

Pamela Anderson still gets paid work (HolyMoly)

Is this how the green movement is promoting itself nowadays? Come into my eco-friendly trailer – it’s fitted with its own dancing pole and I’ll give you a performance once I’ve sorted out my pigeon toe problem!