Well, you can go ahead and tell me it’s a Greg Barnes costume from Peepshow, but I’m just going to stick my fingers in my ears and go LalalalalalaIcan’thearyouLalalalala and continue to believe it’s the work of our dear friend the little fashion troll, John Galliano, perhaps after a long night of citronella candle fume-enhanced yoga surrounded by a troupe of bisexual entomology-themed performance artists from Romania, under a full moon on George Clooney’s veranda.

Which is not to say I don’t like it, actually. There’s something very Comme J’ai Mal about it, which is to say I like it, but I wouldn’t wear it into a party until everyone had consumed at least two Negronis. And three for me.

Not everyone in North America is familiar with Quebec’s most fabulous export (no, not Celine! Puh-leeze!) Mylène Farmer, a singer/songwriter who’s been called a cross between Madonna and Kate Bush, only better-looking. Normally she’s better-dressed than them, too, but sadly mine idol has been seen in public in this:

That’s a beautiful, amusingly-oversized dinner jacket, yes, with a train (luv trains), a soignée pullover, and an attractive, feminine pair of heels. And.

Ahem.

Formal shorts.

Honestly, people, if you must wear these abominations, at least try to pick a pair that doesn’t make it look like you’re happy to see me.

I always thought it meant condoms (or maybe bodyguards?) but then I never had to deal with jealous Twilight fans. This chastity belt from the Beyond Thunderdome Collection might be just the thing to encourage those without personal boundaries to keep their distance. I’m ordering one for my next blind date.

The Disco Ball Look: not so flattering. Then again, you’ll get a nice, even underchin tan!

via Crunk&Disorderly

Ah, all the paparazzi attention and still the girl hasn’t changed a bit, except that now she no longer has to be carried to the pumpkin after a night of ballin’. Mere minutes after this shot was snapped, she was back to dowdy diurnal Cinderellahood.

Uggh.

Poor girl. It’s her first arrest. The charge: Eyeliner abuse in the nth degree. Bail conditions include staying a minimum of six blocks away from cosmetics counters at all times and handing her Sharpies into custody until the trial date.

You tell me. Who rocks the ice cream suit hardest:

Brad “No, how YOU doin’?” Pitt, 50% of the world’s hottest couple,

The ever-dapper and apparently slightly wounded (but don’t let that influence your vote) man of letters, Tom Wolfe,

Or The Keeper of the Secret Spices himself, Colonel Sanders?

Let’s just say I got a little carried away yesterday, had my hands full, and didn’t get around to giving the blog all the loving care that it needed. So let’s keep this short and sweet.

CocoPerez: cuckoo! (EvilBeet)

Mischa Barton: gorgeous? (DListed)

Les Paul: deceased (Gawker)

Anna Faris: wed (DailyStab)

Vanessa Hudgens: Girl Scout? (CelebuWreck)

Lily Allen and Kate Moss: roll models! (CelebritySmack)

Family Guy’s Stewie: gay bonus George Clooney too! (CeleBitchy)

Kardashian: preggo (LaughingStork)

Channing Tatum: stripping! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tori Spelling: handsy! (INeedMyFix)

Jaime Pressly: kidding! (AmyGrindhouse)

Gaddafi: chic! (AgentBedhead)

Dane Cook: censored (Websters)

Chace Crawford: coiffed (TenGossip)

Eli Roth: spent (SeriouslyOMG)

Peaches: purple (FabSugar)

Himbos: topless (UkPopSugar)

Ferris Bueller: speaks! (Movieline)

ScarJo: sings! (JustJared)

Olsen Twins: addicted (ImNotObsessed)

St Angelina: badass (GoFugYourself)

Mickey Rooney: alive! (GabbyBabble)

Megan Fox: servicey! (HolyMoly)