Fierce and funny to the last, the great Dixie Carter has gone to that great Cabaret in the sky. I’m not sure they’re entirely ready for what’s about to hit them.

“Bear” your claws in the comment section!

(note: on doctor’s orders I am taking to my bed for two days, so the announcement of the last contest’s winner will be a bit delayed)

Punk’s bratty, brilliant Prince Charming has vanished behind the curtain for the last time. The inventor of the Cambridge Rapist tee, the Sex Pistols, Dayglo Surf Nazis, and many other radically good things (and the credit-taker for many more things with which he had little or nothing to do) has died of cancer at the age of 64. It’s not just okay but correct to wear black in his honour instead of clashing neons, because he himself was so colourful he made the rest of the world look pale grey in comparison.

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• Sex Pistols Mastermind Malcolm McLaren Dies (spin.com)

Matthew Lewis, better-known as the hapless Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter movies, cleans up quite nicely. And who doesn’t love a boy who overdoes it in the balloon bouquet department?

Sandra Bullock’s sex tape (raincoaster)

Why Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy really broke up (Lolebrity)

Bai Ling is back in the USSR Song Dynasty (AgentBedhead)

OK! Cancel my subscription if this really works! (AmyGrindhouse)

Madonna drops a brick in Malawi (BusyBeeBlogger)

Hold the cheeseburgerphone! (CeleBitchy)

The Sandra Bullock blackmail backlash (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Ferris cannot be tempted by your tawdry tassels! (CelebritySmack)

Duggar baby digs out (DailyStab)

Matt Damon dumped! (INeedMyFix)

Steve Carrell on a date (JustJared)

Roll over, John Lennon! (MovieLine)

“Yo, yo, where my Scots at? Peeblesshire HOLLABACK!!!”

If there’s one thing I like more than an amusing fashion show, it’s an amusing fashion show sponsored by a booze company. Thus it was with an audible gasp and a clutch at my heart (normally I prefer a shoulder bag) that I realized my invitation to the Glenfiddich-sponsored “Dressed to Kilt” event had somehow been lost in the mail.

The flawless Alan Cumming strutted his Scottish stuff on the runway; he is, of course, no stranger to the subtle art of working the pleats.

Last night I modeled in Dressed to Kilt, the yearly event which showcases Scottish fashion, the kilt, Scottishness in general and also raises money, this year for war veterans. It was a hoot. The King of Scotland, Sean Connery, was there and I reminded him that the last time I had seen him, in Edinburgh last summer at a dinner thrown by Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scotland, he had said he would never vote Labour as long as he had a hole in his arse!! Yes, he totally did. I love Sean, and I love that he has lines like that up his sleeve.

Here he is playing Dionysus on Broadway in a kilt and vest of truly supernatural superfantasticnosity.

Yes, the gods themselves approve of jazz hands. They also approve of this:

The handsome Scot Kyle MacLachlan is shown here NOT wearing the very attractive MacLachlan tartan, a cape of which I once sold him back when I worked with people instead of pixels.

Look! It’s everybody’s favorite silver fox, Sam Waterston!

Dashing! Clashing! Smashing!

A pair of wounded warriors show off the kind of tailoring that made a designer out of Alexander McQueen, among other masters of the form.

Matthew Modine knows there are some things one cannot do in a kilt. For these activities, God has invented knickerbockers. You might just be surprised at what is possible in a kilt.

In conclusion:

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• What’s going on: Kilts, scotch and BDSM for men (timeoutny.com)
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• Photos: Alan Cumming, Mike Myers and many more at Dressed to Kilt (timeoutny.com)
• John Tiffany: from Black Watch to Peter Pan (guardian.co.uk)

Or maybe just the nearest heavenly body?

Patrick Kim McDermott’s Return from Xanadu (TrueSlant)

Robert Downey Junior’s Rehab Blues (Lolebrity)

Who is dating Kate Hudson? (Dealbreaker)

Figwit 2.0 (AgentBedhead)

Lady Gaga is okay with it (AllieIsWired)

Heidi, ho? (AmyGrindhouse)

Baby, Daddy (BusyBeeBlogger)

The shoes of a style icon (CeleBitchy)

Fanorexia kills (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Celebrity Foot Abuse! (CelebritySmack)

Lend Me a Seeing Eye Dog say the Olsen Twins (DailyStab)

Save the society columnist! (Gawker)

Is! Nothing! Sacred! (DListed)

Straight men skip this post (EvilBeet)

Tia Carrere is on the market! (GabbyBabble)

Nic Cage wigs out (GoFugYourself)

Erin Andrews vs the Trolls (HaveUHeard)

Channing Tatum married a necrophiliac (INeedMyFix)

The REAL secret of American Idol (IBBB)

St. Brangelina in Bosnia (JustJared)

At last, a story we can ALL enjoy (LitelySalted)

The English Patient didn’t fly THAT airline (Movieline)

Jennifer Hudson now 30% off (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

I wouldn’t touch that bunny’s eggs with a ten foot pole (UKPopSugar)

Craig Ferguson’s robot skeleton sidekick (SeriouslyOMG)

Do your best in the comments section for fabulous, imaginary swag!

deeply conflicted.