From top

to bottom

Rita Wilson shows herself to be a fashionista at the height of her powers. That height? About fifteen feet from the floor:

I don’t care if it made you famous, pick that up and put it back where it belongs. And put on some damn pants while you’re at it; I’m sure there’s an industrial-gauge denim manufacturer who can carve you a pair of supportive jeans.

Paris Hilton’s smug mug (Lolebrity)
Feel! My! Pain! (raincoaster)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Kiefer vs Idris (TeenyManolo)
What disheveled, used-up Hell is this? (AgentBedhead)
LiLo guilty of crimes against fashion! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Was that “gum” or “dumb,” Paris? (CeleBitchy)
Sentences I never thought I would write: Kelly Osbourne looks fabulous (CelebFashionWatcher)
Back to the SuperSquats, honey (CelebDirtyLaundry)
For THIS a Muppet had to die? (CelebritySmack)
All-Time Emmy Dresstastrophies (CojoStyle)
Their drug use nose no bounds (CityRag)
Cougar Power! (DailyStab)
Breakup breakdowns? (LaineyGossip)
Rita Wilson’s shoes match that dress in Gone with the Wind…you know the one (DListed)
Anna Paquin wore Elvish armour to the Emmys (MoeJackson)
That’s just how she rolls (EvilBeet)
Dancing with the … these people??? (GabbyBabble)
Sexy Spies! (HaveUHeard)
I swear to god this is the gayest thing I have ever seen (INeedMyFix)
Michael Jackson is the king of iTunes? (PerezHilton)
Courtney Cox has gotten HUGE! (SeriouslyOMG)
Welcome to America, Mister Beckham (ASL)

Can someone, anyone, explain to me how this woman can dance like that in a skirt that tight without falling over? Is this a clever use of wires or antigravity corsets or something?

For the curious, and it is very curious, is it not? this is the fabulous French band Les Rita Mitsouko doing their big hit Marcia Baila from 1985.

Don’t forget to enter our current, Spivtastic Caption Contest; there is undying fame and fabulous imaginary prizes to be won!

Last week’s macho murse contest was a challenge, and strangely not ONE contributor mentioned obnoxious body spray, but we’ve finally chosen a winner:

Axe NOT body spray! Probably less deadly

Jennie Says:
August 24th, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Another new fashion accessory from the fabulous DEXTER line …. Simple, easy ways to transport those akward implements of torture and mayhem. “Is that an axe on your back or are you just happy to slay me?”

Congrats and imaginary swag to Jennie. For our returning champion we have the much more feminine wickedly sharp, drop-dead gorgeous Hadhafang, the sword of Arwen Undomiel from the Lord of the Rings:

now THAT is sharp-looking!

Behold the wonderment of Dolly Parton’s fashions of the 70′s (although with her, it’s as if time stands still, in a honky-tonk at a crossroads in small town in Alabama, about 1974):

via OMGBlog

Let’s face it, Dolly: you and I are the only ones who remember who Chesty Morgan was.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eli Roth explains the VERY odd couple (Lolebrity)
The most Canadian story ever told (raincoaster)
2012 2.0 (AgentBedhead)
Katy Perry angling for a Spanx contract (AmyGrindhouse)
Brad Pitt will never be ugly enough to satisfy some people (CeleBitchy)
Mrs Brady to Dance with Stars! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Jennifer Aniston’s nude year (CityRag)
Will Forte Will Leave (DailyStab)
This is Britney’s fallback (DListed)
Michael Jackson’s legacy endangered! (HaveUHeard)
You used to have to pay $50 to watch this in a booth (INeedMyFix)
Hippo breeding patterns in New Jersey (IBBB)
You’ll pry the crocheted cowboy hat from her cold, dead, manicured hands (PerezHilton)

Yes, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, ex-husband of Fergie, the former Randy Andy, uncle of the two reigning Royal Hunks. These two shots are living proof that the minute they discover golf they begin to go to seed. (side note: feathers are totally in this year)

James Dean has a surprise for Roddy McDowell (Lolebrity)

Barack Obama’s terrorist connections! (raincoaster)

This is beyond(ce) good taste (AgentBedhead)

KFat is back (AmyGrindhouse)

Lindsay Lohan’s got a face for radio (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elizabeth Hurley is full of … hot water? (CeleBitchy)

Happy Birthday, Ginger Nice (CelebrityFashionWatcher)

Mariah is mum (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Best Lilo pun of the week (CityRag)

Bonono (CojoStyle)

Courtney Loves looking smart (GoFugYourself)

also loves her talcum powder! (PerezHilton)

Betty White kicking ass and taking names (HaveUHeard)

Gerard Butler’s bust (INeedMyFix)

Urine time! (IBBB)

Ronaldo is dating Damien from The Omen? (JustJared)

Daniel Radcliffe’s Out Outtakes (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Caption this delightful Spiv from Vintage Days at the Goodwood Festival:

The divine Alan Cumming knows that if you have the panache, the red carpet can be the perfect background for something a little more…creative? eclectic? electric? than a penguin suit. I’m sorry, Agent Bedhead, you’ve got it ALL wrong; this look is all kinds of right (except the shoes; they’re just a titch too lesbian train mechanic, don’t you think?).

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Pee-Wee Herman, Uneasy Rider (Ayyyy)
Billy still Idol (AgentBedhead)
Kiefer in a swimsuit…brb I need a moment… (BusyBeeBlogger)
Lock up your talcum powder! (CeleBitchy)
Vamps! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This is the most hated woman on Earth (CelebritySmack)
Nudist Pudding Fight (CityRag)
are YOU on Cojo’s Best/worst Dressed list? (Cojostyle)
Tiger on the loose! (DailyStab)
are we SURE he wasn’t trying to flee instead? (GabbyBabble)
Little HGTV on the Prairie (GoFugYourself)
Cougars helping cougars (HaveUHeard)
George Michael guilty (INeedMyFix)
The Recapped Housewives of New Jersey (IBBB)
Michael Cera is That One Guy (Movieline)
Better Off Dead now better than ever! (SeriouslyOMG)