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April, 2011 | Ayyyy! - Part 3
Archive - April, 2011

Black is so slimming

Karl Lagerfeld has some funny priorities

Karl Lagerfeld has some funny priorities

Lagerfeld encourages starvation. “I used to place food in my mouth, but then spit it out again,” he said. “That way I got the taste without the calories. I haven’t done that for a long time, but it is a good way to beat the frustration.”

Oh, Karl. Before Julian Assange came along, you were my favorite Bond Villain. Now? You’ve suddenly turned into my Least-Favorite Auntie in the Home, Doped to the Gills and Still Convinced She’s Making Perfect Sense.

Who Wore It Better: Celine Dion vs Angelina Jolie

One of these things is not like the other

One of these things is not like the other

Celine demonstrates the authentic, little-known Quebecois-Canadian Tuxedo technique, here incorrectly applied to an American Tuxedo. Vote below:


And now, let’s have a dashing Tuxedo Cocktail and a few stiff gossip links:

Paul Rudd, birthday boy (raincoaster)

Lindsay Lohan’s staple food (ManoloFood)

Carrie Fisher captures your captions! (Ayyyy)

Angelina not so Jolie (Lolebrity)

Beastie Boys have got to fight! for the right! to remake material from 20 years ago (AgentBedhead)

John Legend is my imaginary boyfriend even if he does love Adele and golf (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kate and William are bringing my invite in person (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Nicki Minaj is trying to muscle in on Carrie’s caption game (CelebritySmack)

Mandy Moore, the extreme closeup is NOT your friend (CelebVIPLounge)

Oregon: Greatest state or GREATEST STATE? (CityRag)

Keanu Reeves has big plans for your sex life (DailyStab)

Hugh Hefner takes a load off my mind (EarSucker)

Nicky Hilton appears to be chilly (FitFabCeleb)

Solange Knowles in: Who Invited HER? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Pia J’adore (HaveUHeard)

Helen’s Magical Bosom (HollywoodHiccups)

Katherine Heigl is about to piss off the Knitting Lobby (INeedMyFix)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at who he gives it to (MathewGuiver)

Adele vs Britney (PoorBritney)

The Bride of Wildenstein lives! (PopBytes)

Hottest Male Athletes for your aesthetic appreciation (SwoonWorthy)

Kate Moss uses her mouth for something (TheSkinny)

Justin Bieber, keepin’ it teal (TheSkinnyChic)

Friday Caption Contest: Carrie Fisher Edition

Caption Carrie in the Comments for fun and fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

Carrie Fisher fishes for a caption

Carrie Fisher fishes for a caption

Eva Longoria is no TEN

Eva Longoria gets 4 from the French Judge

Eva Longoria gets 4 from the French Judge

Convinced she could stick the landing, Eva Longoria instead did a faceplant instead of a triple at GMA. Her fans claim the contest was fixed, but it’s a cinch that anyone with that kind of figure was skating on thin ice with this look.

Speaking of ice, let’s drop some into a tumbler and enjoy a Triple Lutz cocktail while perusing some links that probably should be put on ice before they swell.

Stupid Girl is sick in the head (raincoaster)

This has medicinal value (ManoloFood)

That’s a very strange growth (Ayyyy)

Beaker needs a tiger blood infusion (Lolebrity)

Canadian cancer faker free? (Gawker)

Giselle gets an unsatisfactory scan (AgentBedhead)

Bringing the Bird back from Beyond (BusyBeeBlogger)

RescussiAnnie has some competition from Charlie Sheen (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Baby On Board! (CelebritySmack)

She’s not wearing her blue gown, doctor! (CelebVIPLounge)

Which is why they call the front row Gynecology Row (DailyStab)

If she thinks she’s A-list, she needs her head examined (EarSucker)

Who needs a mammogram when you have THIS shirt? (FitFabCeleb)

I don’t care what he says, he still looks like a junkie (GirlsTalkinSmack)

100 days of sobriety? (HaveUHeard)

RIP (HollywoodHiccups)

The uterus that ATE a Promising Career! (INeedMyFix)

Rihanna’s PET scan results are internet-ready (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s body rumours put to rest? (PoorBritney)

Ferraris are like hemorrhoids (PopBytes)

Let’s give Paul Rudd his birthday wish to cure cancer (Swoonworthy)

She’s only five pounds away from being Mister Bones hanging in the corner of the lab (TheSkinny)

Making it easy for the nurse practitioner’s examination (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Conspiracy Alert: Stylists Hate Chicks

Pia Toscano has obviously pissed off her stylist for the LAST TIME

Pia Toscano has obviously pissed off her stylist for the LAST TIME

I’m fortunate in living in Canuckistan, able to avoid the weekly viewing of American Idol which is, I believe, mandatory in the States, but last night I was visiting a friend who happens to be addicted to reality tv, and so this travesty was flashed before my eyes. Now, one is reminded, one is, of the Nixon-Kennedy debate: those who listened to it on radio thought that Nixon had won, while those who watched it and were treated to Tricky Dicky’s sweaty visage plumped for Kennedy. I’m just gonna lay it out here: if this poor songbird had not been trussed up in a strapless, shapeless ikat romper that was obviously fished out of someone’s grandma’s closet (the Late 70’s Costume Party Material section) she would still be a contender.

I had originally wished to say much the same about the Femulleted country crooner done up in the formal gingham shorts that gave her a backside as big as the Prairies, but not only is she still in (America loves a Femullet!) but Google has apparently banned it from their image search as NSFLunch.

UPDATE: L.A.M.B. No wonder. Give people too much punctuation and it goes straight to their (swelled, gelled, and poufed) heads.

Mystery Flapper Links!

Yes, it’s another round of “Guess the Celebrity(and let’s see if it takes you more than fifteen minutes this time).”

Mystery Flapper

Mystery Flapper is where Karl Lagerfeld stole his fan?

Guesses in the comments, and while you’re pondering, I suggest you enjoy a tasty and nutritious Strawberry Flapper and some gossip links:

The most epic post in the history of epicosity! (raincoaster)

Brando prepares for his greatest role (ManoloFood)

Lindsay Lohan SANS FARDS (Ayyyy)

Harry Potter and the Slash of Fandom (Lolebrity)

Nicole Kidman’s been swallowed by a python (AgentBedhead)

And her baby is all, “Wasn’t SATC ten years ago? Whatever, Mom.” (BusyBeeBlogger)

So does three quarters of Louisiana, but that won’t make it happen (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Xtina has the hiccups (CelebDirtyLaundry)

OH MY GOD I AM SUDDENLY SO HAPPY AND DUMB. AND HAPPY!!!1!! (DailyStab)

Won’t you spare a thought for the poor reality show millionaires? (EarSucker)

What Beaker Saw (cannot be unseen, I warned you!) (FitFabCeleb)

No, Justin, that’s not what she meant by the Burning Bush (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kirstie Alley not immune to gravity (HaveUHeard)

L. Ron Jr is five! (HollywoodHiccups)

Amy Winehouse put a ring on it (INeedMyFix)

The Oddest Couple (MathewGuiver)

Then she took some gigolo to Disneyland (PoorBritney)

Garey Busey almost gets Meatloafed (PopBytes)

I don’t know who this is, but I want it (SwoonWorthy)

Tara Reid still clinging to life, relevance (TheSkinny)

On the other hand, how much do most 90-year-olds make? (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Paging Catherine Deneuve

The icon Catherine Deneuve once said, “in her forties, a woman must choose between her face and her derrière.” She may or may not have stolen it, but there is a more important point to be made, if she wants to keep the statement current:

Lindsay Lohan could use a sammich and a time machine

Lindsay Lohan could use a sammich and a time machine

She needs to subtract about fifteen years.

Fred Astaire will have none of your tawdry, drunken gossip links

Fred Astaire loved his shoes

Fred Astaire loved his shoes

Strangely for a man of his era, but not-so-strangely for a trained athlete, Fred strongly maintained that he had no favorite drink, so I suppose when we salute Fred we will have to do it with an elegant dancing slipper full of imaginary Champagne. He may not have known much about alcohol, but he obviously knew from shoes, and for that we honour him.

And then trudge right on to our tawdry, drunken gossip links. *hic*

The secret of Rebecca Black’s success (raincoaster)

Happy Birthday, Brando (ManoloFood)

Show of hands! (Ayyyy)

The Great Game? (Lolebrity)

in the same way diarrhea is explosive (AgentBedhead)

Mae West could tame anything (BusyBeeBlogger)

Celebrity Apprentice roundup (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Elizabeth Hurley is back, bitches! (CelebritySmack)

The Ambiguously Gay Duo IRL (CelebVIPLounge)

Maybe we should drop HIM on Benghazi? (DailyStab)

But you couldn’t pay her to listen (EarSucker)

Billy Ray bought the first one! (FitFabCeleb)

OMG it’s like stretch pants got marked down at Walmart! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Heidi Klum slimed! (HaveUHeard)

Crackers, Jack. (HollywoodHiccups)

Lindsay Lohan typecast (INeedMyFix)

It’s like if Mad Max Thunderdome had cheerleaders (MathewGuiver)

Just how Fatale is Britney? (PoorBritney)

He could slime me anytime (SwoonWorthy)

OMG fatty fat fatties! (TheSkinny)

 

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