Archive - May, 2011

State of Emergency declared in Malibu

That $cientology diuretic diet sure works!

That $cientology diuretic diet sure works!

“Oh MOM! I told you to go before we left home!”

In related news, Katie is actually wearing three inch heels. On the beach. As for the blazer with cutoffs, the “Goldman Sachs/Tara Reid” look has never worked for anyone.

Let’s have a round of Pee-Pee Cocktails (yes, this is a real thing, and not half bad) and some celebrity gossip links.

Alec Baldwin busts his cherry! Twitter virginity: it’s happened to all of us! (raincoaster)

How many Britney fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No, seriously, how many? Take off your socks if you have to… (Ayyyy)

Sunday Food Porn! Sushi Sunday! Not bad, for a legally blind photographer. (Manolofood)

Conan O’Brien’s Coyote Morning. OMG she’s so totally under age! (Lolebrity)

Chicken Soup for the Young Witch. Which really should include the advice to read better books, you’d think. (AgentBedhead)

Chris Isaak brings the fur! I…I’m nearly speechless. Wetsuit. Fur. Um… (BusyBeeBlogger)

Snooki vs Cops! Why does the stubby sexpot always end up on the losing end of these exchanges with the law? CONSPIRACY! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Divorcing Celebrities celebrate Memorial Day! Shop till you drop/straddle a penis replacement. Guess which is the Kennedy. (CelebritySmack)

The Girl with the Most Awesome Movie Trailer. Or dragon tattoo. But everybody I know has one of those. Just me then? Just me? (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Kingston and his plus one admitted to Emergency, bypassing the velvet rope. In related news, people have serious accidents on JetSki’s? (DailyStab)

Good news/Bad news: In Good News news, next generation Kardashians are unable to replicate. In Bad News news, they may still be sleeping with your children. (EarSucker)

Selma Blair much less intolerable pregnant. In related news, Selma Blair pregnant (who knew? who cared?) (FitFabCeleb)

Top THAT! 15 Stars wearing top hats: if Only I were one. My top hat fetish is a remnant of my 80′s upbringing. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Miley Cyrus makes it easy for the TSA. And also gossip bloggers looking for cheap shots. (HaveUHeard)

“Hobbit” teasers. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (HollywoodHiccups)

Adorable mentally impaired person proposes to Lady Gaga on Twitter. No response yet. (INeedMyFix)

Born this way: deeply in debt. Oh, who can’t relate to this? (MathewGuiver)

Britney hates Brazil? Don’t cry for her! (PoorBritney)

And this is WHY the Bielebers hate Selina Gomez. Because you don’t get a figure like that lying around your Scarborough bedroom listening to YouTubes! (TheSkinny)

More Pink! More Plump! More Plus! Oh come on, who doesn’t love this woman? More of her is ALWAYS better! (TheSkinnyChic)


Britney brings the count…

It's better to set one Britney fan alight than to curse the darkness

It's better AND easier to set one Britney fan alight than to curse the darkness

Indeed, it’s easier to set one Britney fan on fire than to curse the darkness. More fun, too.

Saturday Caption Contest Results: Janice Dickinson Edition

It’s time to announce a winner on our Scary Supermodel caption contest, and here it is:

Sniff, sniff...doesn't smell like teen spirit
Sniff, sniff…doesn’t smell like teen spirit

May 19, 2011 at 10:34 am

Champagne wishes and Botox dreams.

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Carole! To celebrate her great victory, we virtually offer this stickfigurriffic silver caviar dish. It makes me think of the lovely Janice, somehow. She reminds me of a really glamorous Baba Yaga/Dita Von Teese cross, splashing around starkers in a giant caviar dish filled with Champagne and propped up on the bones of fallen models of years gone by.

I can see Janice hopping right in and splashing around like an ancient Dita von Teese

Kim Kardashian has stones

KKK stones

KKK stones

KKK has gone upscale in the 21st Century, as you can see. Nowadays they bring the bling.

In desperate need of a strong drink after that thought, we seek out a Bryce’s Erotic Dance of Freedom cocktail and some mind-wiping gossip links.

Operation Global Media Domination: the Craigslist Situation. I haz a famus! I haz a famus! Now, where’s my goddam book deal? (raincoaster)

Friday Caption Contest: Royals in Skivvies Edition. Nice underoos there, Prince Hot Ginge (Ayyyy)

Rack On! This dress is a lovely cut, and I intend to cut a rug in it very soon. (ManoloFood)

Stephen Harper vs Barack Obama, it’s 1812 The Rematch! (Crasstalk)

Pauly Shore needs your help! Well, Pauly Shore needs help; we all knew that! (AgentBedhead)

Closer. Coffee is for Closer? I’d pay to see NIN score the rock opera Glengarry Glen Ross! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful child in the universe. Well, since I was little. And not counting Johnny Depp’s two. Still, Mazel Tov, Shiloh! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

RIP Jeff Conaway. Naturally this includes a quote from the rehab doc who failed to help him. (CelebritySmack)

Are YOU spongeworthy? Enter this giveaway and find out! (CelebVIPLounge)

Mindless summer fun is the BESTEST summer fun! And the slip ‘n slide adds a whole new dimension of fun to swinger parties. (CityRag)

Danica Patrick gets a real job! Instead of modeling for cheesy advertising shoots to feed and clothe herself. You go, girl! (DailyStab)

Amy Winehouse says Yes, Yes, Yes! Yes, it’s a cheap joke, but she earned it. (EarSucker)

Lindsay Lohan makes her money lying down. As we all suspected would happen sooner or later. (FitFabCeleb)

Fifteen celebs wearing pearl necklaces. You already clicked this, didn’t you, you dirty-minded bastard? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Lady Gaga doing an awesome impression of Marylou Whitney as a rubber fetish stripper. No, really. Must be seen to be believed. (HaveUHeard)

Sarah Jessica Parker news: I know how she does it: PHOTOSHOP! (HollywoodHiccups)

ZOMG JLO SEX TAPE!!!! Why am I still typing, you’ve long since clicked the link, haven’t you? (INeedMyFix)

Adam Lambert pulls a Tavi. If you didn’t get that reference, I’m kind of proud of you. (MathewGuiver)

Britney Spears. Internet Drama. Fans. Flames. You know you want to click when the boss isn’t looking. (PoorBritney)

Urban Outfitters = Urban OutandOutThievers. No seriously, this is very real. Don’t buy their stuff. (PopBytes)

Jon Hamm scores! With video! You’ve already clicked away, we both know this. (Swoonworthy)

Apparently cocaine is not fattening. In totally unrelated news, Tara Reid is losing weight! (TheSkinnyChic)



Friday Caption Contest: Royal Skivvies Edition

Give Princes Hot Ginge and Old Married Dude your best in the comments:

Fake Royals more attractive than real ones?

Fake Royals more attractive than real ones?

Hump Day Hunk Links: Straighten it like Beckham

David Beckham straightens up quite well

David Beckham straightens up quite well

It’s not every ball-basher who looks that good in a suit. Or his underwear, come to think of it. And now that we’ve set the tone, let’s cool down with a delicious and recursive Brandy Punch Cocktail Drink, which he assures us is one of his favorites. So bend your elbow like Beckham and enjoy these gossip links:

Hippies, mushrooms, social workers, and hockey. Of COURSE this is a story from BC. Bring your short attention span and leave your patchouli back in the Mystery Machine, man. (raincoaster)

A just god would not allow this. She’s Suri. But not Suri enough for this abomination. (Ayyyy)

My Drunk Kitchen isn’t nearly drunk enough for THIS unspeakable thing. And when your cooking show needs a safety spotter, you seriously need to rethink this concept. (ManoloFood)

Batman! Thank god you’ve arrived! That’s Iraq solved, then! (Lolebrity)

Real news is what happens when God isn’t looking. Or is that G-D? But it happened this morning. (Crasstalk)

Courtney Love and Adnan Khashoggi sitting in a tree…no seriously, she’s trying to make this happen. Are we totally sure there’s a drug she hasn’t tried yet? Because she still appears to be on all of them simultaneously. (AgentBedhead)

ZOMBIES! And I ain’t talking cocktails! Zombies rule (until Animals came along…) (BusyBeeBlogger)

A million Twihards just came. RPattz is looking for a lifemate. Helpmeet. Mate. You just fainted again, didn’t you? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cheryl Cole not ready for US prime time. No. Shit. Dude. (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, I knew God. God was a friend of mine. You. Are no God. (CelebVIPLounge)

I got no farther than the concept of milking the Green Lantern before I had to take a bit of “me time” if you know what I mean and I think you do. (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian already working on KKK? A just god would not allow this. Steve? Steve, baby? (EarSucker)

Lindsay Lohan flashes the plastic. I’m sorry, right. Even her VISA card is natural. (FitFabCeleb)

Peace out, dudes. No, seriously, peace out. Right outta my life. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

My OTHER imaginary boyfriend was on American Idol? Why, Steve and Julian will be so jealous! (HaveUHeard)

Bridesmaids outtakes. If we’re lucky this includes Jon Hamm P-slips. (HollywoodHiccups)

More proof the Gouvernator is no Kennedy. I’m sorry, but that’s no Marilyn Monroe, my friends. (INeedMyFix)

Jack Black, nekkid as a jaybird in front of the TSA. What would you give for an unobstructed view? (MathiewGuiver)

Okay, NOW I know who Shemar Moore is. And believe me, I won’t forget any time soon. (Swoonworthy)

Breaking Dawn breaking poster. This is news? Come on, Prince Hot Ginge, give us something newsworthy! (TheSkinnyChic)


Presented Without Comment

Suri Cruise should apologize for this outfit

Suri Cruise should apologize for this outfit

Well, no comment from me, that is. I think this is enough.

From A Guide to Elegance: For Every Woman Who Wants to Be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions:

Little daughters are understandably the pride and joy of their monthers, but they are very often also, alas, the reflection of their mothers’ inelegance. When you see a poor child all ringletted, beribboned, and loaded down with a handbag, an umbrella, and earrings, or wearing crepe-soled shoes with a velvet dress, you can e certain that her mother hasn’t the slightest bit of taste.


Jessica Tiel

Jessica Biel in Teal

Jessica Biel in Teal

Is this allowed? Posting a picture of something really, really Austin Powerseriffic and saying “I like it?” Or will the blogging police come for me? Do I need to say it’s too long and she really needs to comb her hair, or can I just say “I like it” and leave it at that? Or should I pretend to do some research and toss on another pic and a poll to legitimize it?

Austin Powers

Austin Powers

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