Actually, you can forget that “is coming” part. Jesus is here!
For thousands of years, theologians have debated the form in which Jesus would return: humble carpenter, glorious ruler, media phenomenon. Now, my friends, the speculation is over. We know what form He will take: fabulous!
Jesus’s “I Am” statements are a key source of Christian doctrine. In fact, He must have been pestered half to blasphemy with all the ancient Baba Wawas and Oprahs saying, “Tell us about yourself,” to judge by the number of times he answered it. Among current Earth dwellers, who can mistake the astonishing resemblance between those statements and these, by Italian fashion designer Manuele Malenotti?
Walking on water? Check. Flying through clouds? Check. Reference to children? Check. Manual labour? Check.
Although I am not entirely sure Jesus ever said, “I am your hangover on Sunday night.”
Actually, although my initial impulse was to mock the He-Man and Masters of the Universe Hipster versions, I have to say, the entire series makes far more sense if you just assume everyone is bisexual, including Battlecat.
Happy Hoff Day everyone! Just celebrate very circumspectly; we don’t want to imagine what would happen to this dogpile if they got excited!
P.S. In August, The Hoff, will be appearing at the Leicester Square Theatre, in what’s being billed as an intimate and hilarious evening a one-man celebration of all things Hasselhoff (which means the Manolo has undoubtedly booked his London tour through Celebrity Planet.)