Ayyyy!

Because it’s patriotic and because we’re all out of the Starbucks.

Bye-bye Billy Mays (Websters)

RIP Fred Travalena (SeriouslyOMG)

Britney, Ellen, Diddy announce their own deaths (PerezHilton)

Britney goes dark (TenGossip)

Maudlin in minidresses? You BET (ASL)

Harrison Ford wants you to know… (Gawker)

Now we know who killed Billy Mays (CelebritySmack)

Kate Moss, lifeless (AgentBedhead)

Glastonbury slideshow (UKPopSugar)

Gossip Girl welcomes Gordon Gekko (JustJared)

Karl Lagerfeld hangs with his posse (HolyMoly)

Leo goes airshod (INO)

Tales of a Teenage Fug Queen (GFY)

Misery loves company (GabbyBabble)

Debbie didn’t do it (EvilBeet)

John Galliano has some hot competition (CelebuWreck)

Emma Watson, the hardest-working model/actress in magazines (AmyGrindhouse)

Dita counts (BBB)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Harrison Ford vs Bruce Lee (TeenyManolo)

Getting down and dirty with Lily Allen and the Mockney Mob (AgentBedhead)

Brady-Bundchen baby bump (AmyGrindhouse)

Lance Armstrong gets what he deserves (BBB)

Kate Hudson is a vampire! (CeleBitchy)

Um, duh! (Lolebrity)

Boeuf bangs babes (CelebritySmack)

The bride wore off-white? (CelebuWreck)

Fergie’s Dad has issues (EvilBeet)

The boy with the yellow rose speaks (Gawker)

The latest in Irish children’s tv presenter fashion (GoFugYourself)

Sandra Bullock just made a lot of zeta males very happy (INO)

Alan Cumming is the Green Goblin (JustJared)

Depp does Dave (UKPopSugar)

Amelia on approach (SeriouslyOMG)

Gwyneth Paltrow answers life’s little questions (HolyMoly)

Scientology Spoilsports (Movieline)

Well, as it happens I’m out of Absinthe (which I loathe anyway except in a Sazerac and that one very good and made by a very handsome man) but I do have tonic and with sufficient Bombay Sapphire I feel we will get through the present Celebrity-Industrial Crisis okay.

Well, maybe not:

The bitchiest Michael Jackson obituary you are going to read ever (raincoaster)

And its opposite (PopOnThePop)

RIP Farrah Fawcett (Websters)

Celebrities were MJ fans, too (ASL)

Farrah Fawcett at 23 (SeriouslyOMG)

Michael Jackson, Rest in Peace 1958-2009 (PopBytes)

Michael Jackson memorial slideshow (PopSugar)

Jeff Goldblum is still alive (PerezHilton)

More celebs speak on their loss (JustJared)

The MJ Timeline (INO)

Celebrity Tweetbituaries for MJ (GabbyBabble)

The publicist speaks (EvilBeet)

Farrah’s friends speak (DListed)

Michael Jackson: the music (FourFour)

Perez Hilton thinks MJ pulled an Elvis (Gawker)

Madonna does Billie Jean (BusyBeeBlogger)

So why, exactly, is MJ gone? (CelebuWreck)

Who Farrah was, and what we’ve lost (CeleBitchy)

Music moguls respond to MJ’s death (AmyGrindhouse)

Thriller (YouTube)

But seriously, folks (AgentBedhead)

The Summer has officially begun, raincoaster is ensconced (enthroned?) in the torpid climes of the wine country, and a frosty Pink Hound is by my side (we don’t know about you, but we will drink no wine before its time, and it’s not dinner time yet). Life (as we know it, Jim) is good.

Chris Brown, cur (Websters)

Alice in Her Cups (TenGossip)

RPattz hangs with a total animal (ASL)

Old Dogs, new tricks? (SeriouslyOMG)

Bradley Cooper bags a cougar (PopBytes)

The greatest dog-walking video of all time (HolyMoly)

Wolverine? Or chickenhawk? (JustJared)

Michelle Pfieffer is no cougar (INO)

JoRyMy is an animal! (GabbyBabble)

Karl is not a Cat Fancier (FakeKarl)

Perez hates the Pink (FourFour)

Cameron Diaz is a dog? (CelebuWreck)

Courtney Love is not human (CelebritySmack)

Foals named! (AmyGrindhouse)

A dog or a viper? (AgentBedhead)

It WAS a big bash: so big I can’t remember what-all was bought for me, except I ate and drank it all and could really use a nap right now.

John Malkovich better watch his back view (AgentBedhead)

This is why the world loves Kelly Clarkson (AmyGrindhouse)

That old “My ring finger is itchy” never works (BBB)

SJP and MB’s mail order just came in (CelebritySmack)

RIP Ed McMahon (CelebuWreck)

Jon and Kate + ad nauseum (DailyStab)

Z5 and a meat man fall down (DListed)

Celebrity Scientology Star Chart (Cracked)

The incredible vanishing governor (Gawker)

Homeless woman attacks paparazzi (EvilBeet)

Even Fergie’s mom is tougher than Perez (GabbyBabble)

Jude Law loves tennis (UKPopSugar)

Buzz Aldrin, rapper (SeriouslyOMG)

Smells like a fish (Websters)

Who needs tatty old ice cubes when berries are in season?

Go Commando! (AgentBedhead)

It’s @PerezHilton. Are you there @911? (AmyGrindhouse)

Lance Armstrong is a living god (BBB)

Fetish model fashion police fail (CeleBitchy)

Shirtless sperm proven effective (CelebritySmack)

Happy Father’s Day, Jon (CelebuWreck)

Alice in Tim Burtonland (DailyStab)

Neda’s biography (Gawker)

World’s Least Surprising Divorce (DListed)

Better late than never, Ryan (EvilBeet)

Katie Holmes breaks out the pillow again (GabbyBabble)

Lily Allen goes Gaga (INO)

Oprah is cruisin’ (JJ)

How Jordan celebrates Father’s Day (UKPopSugar)

Cameron Diaz, a star at last (PopBytes)

Paris Hilton has humps (SeriouslyOMG)

RPattz in handcuffs! (TenGossip)

Megan Fox addresses her jilted Romeo (MovieLine)

So here I am desperately trying to sober up enough to figure out the tip for the pizza guy after the Fifteenth Annual BC Wine and Oyster Fest. And good luck to me.

Miley Cyrus, Twitter Creep (AmyGrindhouse)

McWTF? (CelebuWreck)

Scientology outlawyered again (AgentBedhead)

Ryan Reynolds,  apiarist (BBB)

Susan Boyle is a pussy (CeleBitchy)

Mickey’s Moobs (CelebritySmack)

Zombie Heigl (Websters)

Gisele is eating for 1.1234567899 (DailyStab)

Play “Who’s More Famous” (UKPopSugar)

Bruno bullsh*t (SeriouslyOMG)

Well, a broken foot is better medicated with ASA than Sauv Blanc. If only because it’s cheaper.

PS don’t scale a ten-foot wall topped with razorwire and then try to jump down the other side. It always ends badly. Trust.

PPS Five Word Challenge

Do the Walk of Fame (AllieIsWired)

Do the Walk of Shame (AHAMedia)

Famous Tardis Dwellers Before/After (AgentBedhead)

The People Hate Oprah, yes (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz could use a break (CelebSlam)

Kristen Stewart < Joan Jett (BBB)

Mickey Rourke’s pectoral overshare outfit (Celebitchy)

Morgan Freeman = Woody Allen? (CelebritySmack)

Che would kick her ass (Gawker)

Bruno is full of bull (Dlisted)

Emo band rises from dead (EvilBeet)

Robert Pattinson IS immortal. Fact. (GabblyBabble)

Celebrity Baby Quiz (TeenyManolo)

Had a lovely evening of cheese, meat, and wine in a glam wine cellar to celebrate the sudden (extremely welcome) hiatus of my diet. Because it’s Wednesday, that’s why. Four kinds of wine. Three kinds of peppers. Eight kinds of meat. Seven kinds of cheese. Fifteen or so links. Six words each. This could get unpredictable.

Ed Westwick follows in Bruno’s footsteps (UKPopSugar)

No more Cupcake for William Joel (SeriouslyOMG)

LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell (ASL)

Topless Ryan Reynolds does the dive (TenGossip)

Scarlett Johansson is becoming Olive Oyl (Websters)

Miley Cyrus dating hairy older man (CelebSlam)

Taylor Swift and T-Pain rap out (DailyStab)

Only Michael Bay’s robots have balls (Gawker)

Labeouf’s got the touch! (they SAY) (Movieline)

Lindsay Lohan lying and lying low (EvilBeet)

SJP stars in real soap opera (GabbyBabble)

Lynn Collins, a dialogue, a punchline (GoFugYourself)

Alessandra Ambrosio and Anja (INO)

Rihanna has a big, bad bootie (JJ)

Sean Penn is quitter, not stooge (CelebuWreck)

Shawn Johnson is Eight Belles 2.0 (CelebritySmack)

Michelle Pfeiffer is nobody’s tame cougar (CeleBitchy)

Kate’s reverse mullet tracked to source (AmyGrindhouse)

Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson vs Katie Perry (AgentBedhead)

It’s just been that kind of a day, okay?

Harry Potter under attack! (CelebuWreck)

Teen tat tragedy (CelebritySmack)

Lightfingers Lohan strikes again (CeleBitchy)

You DON’T mess with a Federline (LaughingStork)

Betty White’s morning-after regrets (BBB)

Gisele’s Vanity UnFair (AmyGrindhouse)

RIP NIN (AgentBedhead)

Eva (Scrooge) Mendez (DailyStab)

Bruno, bare (DanasDirt)

Happy BloomsDay! (Gawker)

Megan Fox hates your children (DListed)

Hef’s losing it. Them. Whatever. (EvilBeet)

Leder-Hoser! (GabbyBabble)

Aussie Robin Hood revealed! (INO)

Tori Spelling NOT a 10 (JustJared)

Girl mags have centerfolds too! (UKPopSugar)

Weird Al serenades Craigslist (SeriouslyOMG)

Jack Black in quadrophonic! (HolyMoly)

Concentration Camp, the reality show (Movieline)

And we don’t even have an affiliate deal with Barefoot Wines. Still. Num.

Join the Bloggerati (TeenyManolo)

Parisian snobbery (AgentBedhead)

Mean Girl is mean (AmyGrindhouse)

Bill Gates is no Steve Jobs (BWE)

Steve Jobs is no Bill Gates (Stanford.Edu)

Even Jennifer Aniston finds Jennifer Aniston’s lovelife laughable (BBB)

Pantyhose for Twilight freaks (LaughingStork)

Party for the Congo! (CeleBitchy)

John Mayer stages publicity stunt for dude who REALLY needs publicity (CelebritySmack)

Nikki Cox Mohr or Less (CelebuWreck)

St. Brangelina strikes again (DailyStab)

Meet NYC’s first married gays (Gawker)

Uncle Karl prowls the depths of Hell (DListed)

Happy Pre-Celebrity Father’s Day (EvilBeet)

Who (the Hell)’s That Girl? (GoFugYourself)

British Beef=Mad Cow Disease? (GabbyBabble)

Russell Brand is a hairy situation (INO)

Curb your enthusiasm (JJ)

Royals on parade (UKPopSugar)

Pushing Daisies goes six feet under (SeriouslyOMG)

RPattz’s new moon (TenGossip)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: The Shat vs The Blond (TeenyManolo)

Miley Cyrus has a hole in her head (Websters)

Zachary Quinto’s wholesome spin on bukkake (TenGossip)

Happy Birthday, Shia (ASL)

Hurley’s a womanizer (SeriouslyOMG)

Pete freed! (UKPopSugar)

Pete Wentz’s emo cred is secure forever (JustJared)

Fergie channels Xena, Warrior Princess (INO)

Just another celebrity welfare bum (GabbyBabble)

Madonna’s miracle! (EvilBeet)

Congressman explains the appeal of veganism (DListed)

Who wants to be Reecey? (CelebuWreck)

Kelly Clarkson or Chastity Bono? (CelebritySmack)

RPattz’s abs shockingly fake (CeleBitchy)

Clooney walks! (AgentBedhead)

Kirstie Alley’s reality-distortion field (Movieline)