Ayyyy!

Don’t worry, Olympians! President Bush has got your back.

Just out of curiosity, what IS the Italian for “We’re not worthy!“

Ex-Mayor of London begins new, more literal-minded career (Lolebrity)

Kiefer needs soap on a rope! (AgentBedhead)

The Family Panettiere pulls a Spears (CeleBitchy)

Britney finally gets some support (CelebritySmack)

Anne Hathaway nose what she’s doing (DailyStab)

The Royal Ronsons (EvilBeet)

A shirtless, long-haired Jake GyllenwhatwasIsaying? (JustJared)

The greatest movie trailer in the entirety of recorded human history (Defamer)

Hollywood is CURSED! (Gawker)

Angelyne is ageless! (DListed)

The real queens of child beauty pageants (FourFour)

Kelly Osbourne, cradle-robber! (DanasDirt)

Oasis frontman requires intervention for assoholism (GabbyBabble)

Things we didn’t need to see: Tara Reid’s stomach on Lil’ Kim’s body (POTP)

Seth Green, sex machine (SeriouslyOMG)

Bono sans shades!!! The end of the universe approaches! (CandyKirby)

Forget the Montauk Monster: it’s the Montag Monster! (IBBB)

Britney’s VMAs Mulligans (PopSugar)

Protest? That’s retarded! (Websters)

Umpteen-months-pregnant Minnie Driver knows she’s had this dream before, but she can’t remember when.

Later that day:

Reports from the scene of the crime say that Vladislav Doronin was unable to identify his attacker, but police are cautiously optimistic, pending examination of security camera footage.

Liza with a ZOMG! (Lolebrity)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: David Boreanaz vs Ewan MacGregor (TeenyManolo)

Perez Hilton explained in math (SuperfantasticPlastic)

Kate Moss and Sly Stallone want you to bend over for them (AgentBedhead)

Paul Newman finishes chemo (CelebritySmack)

John Edwards admits cheating while his wife had cancer (EvilBeet)

Clay Aiken has a baby! (WRAL)

LiLo and SamRon out for her birthday (DailyStab)

Suri Cruise is a natural! (CandyKirby)

Brian Atene: riddle wrapped in an enigma and posted on YouTube (YouTube)

Jessica Simpson pulls the old “Baby on Board” on Tony Romo’s family (CeleBitchy)

Bleachonce not bleached, sez Loreal (EOnline)

Top Five Failed Olympic crossovers (Defamer)

First pic of Clay Aiken’s baby (Gawker)

“Dress” for the red carpet not just a vague metaphor (GoFugYourself)

The quotable Tori Spelling (IBBB)

Levi McConaughey pimps out the murse (Mollygood)

Miley Cyrus in All About Eve (Websters)

Your GenX Moment: Mary Tyler Moore Show reunion! (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay Lohan throws a lingerie party for her girlfriend (JustJared)

Matthew McConaughey rolls wit his posse (Lolebrity)

Truth (and methane) in advertising (AgentBedhead)

The Grey Fox vs La Vida Lohan (ItsCandyTV)

Jackie Chan can chop my sockey anytime (CelebrityDirt)

80’s celebrity flashbacks! (CelebritySmack)

Britney Spears Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill rumours killt (DailyStab)

Katie Holmes gets the hottest men in uniform (CandyKirby)

First glimpses of Nicole Kidman’s lumpy baby blanket (SeriouslyOMG)

Kate Hudson photoshopped to the point of vampirism (AllieIsWired)

Vastly pregnant Gwen Stefani visits the hospital (PopSugar)

Lohan and Ronson get matching “white trash eternity rings” (CeleBitchy)

Trixie Belden and the Case of the Mormon Sex Slave Dog Cloner (Dlisted)

Megan Fox brings her quiet dignity to playing a porny Mother Theresa (Defamer)

New Jersey celebrates its famous crabs (BestWeekEver)

Lisa Suedrow (ICYDK)

Petra Nemcova does her Eddie Munster impression (Yeeeeah)

Owen Wilson: the Butterscotch Stallion rides again! (lolebrity)

Couture Catfight: Anna Wintour vs Jenny from the Block (Gawker)

Faster, Britney, Kill, Kill! (AgentBedhead)

Morgan Freeman is back on the market (CeleBitchy)

Cindy Crawford is still flawless, now topless (SeriouslyOMG)

Tori Spelling is a Cher impersonator (IBBB)

Jennifer Aniston’s biological alarm just went off (Websters)

Be all that you can be: a fembot (SuperfantasticPlastic)

Jenna Jameson’s babymaker still works! (CandyKirby)

Keanu Reeves gets to keep a secret from you (JustJared)

Karl Lagerfeld shows off the grandkid (FakeKarl)

Josh Holloway is a Pebbles Flintstone impersonator (SocialiteLife)

Howard Stern drives his sidekick to drink (DailyStab)

Shia’s appendage may be cut (CelebritySmack)

Bus Rage: so much for a perfect record (WOWReport)

Words I never thought I’d type: Paris Hilton for President (Mollygood)

Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro to re-ignite your movie screens (UKPopsugar)

Little Black BCC: Hollywood Madame Follies (Defamer)

Yor so vayn; Stallone and Madonna (Lolebrity)

Kiwi superstar! Liveblogging the Giant Squid of New Zealand (TePapa)

Woody Allen considering switching teams for Javier Bardem? (AgentBedhead)

Time after time Cyndi Lauper lays the smackdown on George W. Bush (CelebritySmack)

Keira’s singing inspired by Amy Winehouse (LARagMag)

Charlie Sheen once again gunning for Douchebag Daddy of the Year (CeleBitchy)

Baby Branding: so hot right now! (CelebWarship)

Would you work for Diddy-Squat? (Crunk+Disorderly)

Eva Longoria says she refused to wear skimpy outfits (DailyStab)

MGM bomb threat! (Defamer)

Celebrity Drunkface (CityRag)

Rage Against the Machine’s fans enraged, malevolently robot-like (IDLYITW)

Emmy Rossum confuses me too, kid. (JustJared)

Katie Holmes brings the 80’s back (DListed)

Sisterhood of the Travelling IForgotMyPants (PopSugar)

Kathie Lee Schadenfreude!!!!! (EvilBeet)

Have we ever thought of just letting the Confederacy go? (Mollygood)

Brangelunacy Live! (CandyKirby)

Miley Cyrus’ moneymaker makes $124 million a year (GabbyBabble)

Bob Saget roasted to Full City House levels (IBBB)

Are you fake gay too and just don’t know it? (Radar)

This is the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD AND I WANT IT! (Websters)

Scotty is Lost In Space! (raincoaster)

John Gotti Jr arrested for mob crimes! OMG! Stop the presses! (Gawker)

Petra Nemcova rocks the Sad Xena, Body-Image Issues Warrior Princess look (Lolebrity)

Morgan Freeman’s sense of humour was not injured in the crash (Fracas)

Tainted love/hate for Pete Doherty (AgentBedhead)

Prince Harry accents the positive in this outfit (TheSun)

Hello! People! The Chosen Twins are here! (Celebuwreck)

Montauk Monster mystery solved (SuperfantasticPlastic)

Madonna’s face, dissected (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Robert Novak retires from Washington; Satan must have transferred him to HQ (CelebritySmack)

Miley Cyrus, queen of “leaked” pictures (Yeeeeah)

I lost a bet: Woody Allen and child bride still together 11 years on (BittenAndBound)

Courtney Love hypnotized! (DailyStab)

Rachael Ray to tell all, abuse the English language in yet another medium (CandyKirby)

Liv Tyler wants to get into the family business (ContactMusic)

So You Think You Can Go Without Water? (SeriouslyOMG)

Beat ‘Em Up! Someone Iggy and the Stooges’ stuff! (CVXN)

Liveblogging the meth chronicles of Jodie Sweetin (IBBB)

Mary-Kate wants immunity (CeleBitchy)

The Blonsky/Golden fight video (DListed)

Richest stars…Schadenfreude, be not tardy… (USMagazine)

Um, Gwyneth…what the HELL? (JustJared)

Breast cancer charity campaigner Christina Applegate diagnosed (UKPopsugar)

Mrs and Mrs Lohan? Mrs and Mrs Ronson? (Defamer)

I’ve had a full can of Beaver Buzz (this is what Canoodlians have instead of RedBull) and made three spelling mistakes in the three-word title, so this should be interesting.

aaaaaand CUT! (CandyTV)

Barbie vs Barbie (SuperFantasticPlastic)

Nikki Blonsky…aaaaaaand CUT! (ItsCandyKirby)

Um, there are no words (HollywoodGoneWild)

Madonna: Lift you up like cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ashlee is sick and tired of pregnancy (CelebritySmack)

Salma Hayek and daughter out (DailyStab)

Russel Brand is trying to work up to LA (UKPopsugar)

Olsen vs Olsen (IBBB)

NYC=dead city (AgentBedhead)

David Spade saves puppies! (CeleBitchy)

Why California is falling into the sea (CelluloidBlonde)

Second chance at heroism (SecondChanceToLive)

Can Obama part the seas? (Mollygood)

New Dark Knight movie has some surprises (Lolebrity)

Bad Boob(s) launches bad blog (SuperFantasticPlastic)

Guy Richie and Pete Doherty sitting in a tree… (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise, racketeer? (CeleBitchy)

Operation Shitstorm vs Co$ (Enturbation)

Where there’s smoke…there’s an Alicia Keys concert? (CelebritySmack)

McAdams love Gosling 2.0 (DailyStab)

The ghost of Kurt Cobain attempts to tackle an Olsen Twin (CandyKirby)

Katie Holmes does 1990 (DListed)

Jennifer Aniston is purse-sized (IBBB)

America loves New York City! (ImNotObsessed)

Save the cheerleader! from her parking ticket! (JustJared)

Steve Guttenberg unsure if he’s human (Mollygood)

Fake Karl Lagerfeld actually Actual Karl Lagerfeld (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

I don’t know about you, but I want to believe in Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny (UKPopsugar)

Samantha Ronson will do ANYTHING to catch Lindsay’s attention (Websters)

Classic Canadian Cinema (SuperPunch)

James Woods, your earthquake comic relief (Defamer)