Don’t you hate it when you’ve spent a whole afternoon trying to clobber together your most eyecatching combination of accessories, only to be outdone by the hat that ate Leicester Square?
This is a good question because it shows that you are thinking properly about your priorities. I consulted with the “popular” group and the answer equivocally has to do with the way you dress. Clearly you are not wearing enough tight vinyl or push-up bras or exposing enough flesh of the tanned and toned variety. You also need to show people who much you want to be liked. Is it practically begging if you turn yourself into a human billboard with neon signs declaring “Like Me” plastered all over your skimpy bits of scantiness? Of course, and boys love that sort of thing!
Oh, and it’s also not a bad idea to grab a couple of similarly attractive friends and form an impromptu girl band. The name “Girlicious” is already taken but at last count “Chickatease” and “Femptation” were still available.
Welcome to the “Diamonds, especially big ones, are a girl’s best friend” edition of Ayyyy! Puzzle Corner. This week we invite you to take out your jewellery loupe and cast a discerning eye over the shiny objects below. Your task is to identify which celebrities these whopping rocks belong to.
Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. Meanwhile, I’ll be adorning myself with bits of glass and paste and getting distracted by their sparkly prettiness.
Happy Mother’s Day to all our dear readers! Sometimes living up to the standards set by Dina Lohan can be inordinately tiring, so we hope you and your moms have a wonderfully restful and enjoyable day today.
Which of the above appeals to your innate sense of style more? From this simple test alone, we can determine whether you forge new paths in fashion trends or are content to be one of the herd!
If you were to draw a thought bubble above the koala’s head what would it say?
(a) Those Kardashians are such hangers on.
(b) While you’re back there, can you use your face to wipe my ass too?
(c) Reality show stars - a more serious problem than climate change.
(d) This is the most boring sex tape I’ve ever made.
One is Playboy’s Playmate of the Year, the other is P. Diddy’s pop tart of the moment.
Just be thankful Kylie Minogue decided to add an extra K on the end. Otherwise it could have ended up more awkward than having someone’s hand firmly wedged against your perfectly formed backside in order to maintain the entire troupe’s centre of gravity.
1. This is how you safely secure your assistant before throwing knives at them
2. See what happens when you play around with superglue?
3. The nice lady bodyguard is just protecting Justin from his fans
4. They are participating in an earthquake drill
5. Kabbalah demands it
Charity benefits can be tricky things. There’s always a quandary over what’s going to get those wealthy industrialists to notice you more. Do you showcase your boobs by strapping them down in the same manner as the Lilliputians did to Gulliver? Or is it better to hike your skirt up around the armpits and go with the legs instead? Choose wrongly and you could end up going home with one of those underperforming hedge fund managers instead *shudder*.
Here are the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Tom Selleck
2. Tom Jones
3. Sean Connery
4. David Hasselhoff
5. Burt Reynolds
6. Hugh Jackman
7. Chuck Norris
8. Simon Cowell
9. Alec Baldwin
10. Josh Groban
Congratulations to Boudica for skidding to victory with a score of 6 out of 10, followed closely by Heather Outside Boston. We vociferously praise your profound understanding of the celebrity chest-pelts. And for those of you who still haven’t had your fill, here are some other hirsute specimens for further study.
Something tells me that Mischa Barton and Margherita Missoni aren’t exactly the best of chums. After all, true friends don’t let each other go out dressed like that, do they?
