They took one look at the way the canvas had started to peel off her frame like a cheap reproduction and decided that it would most certainly be the last time The Guggenheim ever loaned Rihanna any of their pieces.

What a cute little Hollywood star! I will hug you and pet you and squeeze you and take you home and call you George!

My name IS George.

That’s what I said. Now put on the diamond collar I bought you and hop in that designer pet carrier.

Keira generally didn’t mind dealing with reporters but when it came to questions about her weight, her fangs would inevitably come out. “Fools,” she hissed, “Of course I’m naturally thin. How often do you see an obese vampire? And don’t you dare accuse me of promoting unhealthy dieting. I love fat people – they taste fab!”

It was late in the night, the subprime markets were in turmoil and the three of us were just looking for some fun. And so Ayyyy! was born, with The Manolo, Miss Plumcake and myself wedged excitedly in the front seat of this shiny new blog. Join us as we laugh in the face of rehab, chuckle fondly about irresponsible parenting and clap our little hands gleefully at poor fashion choices.