Ayyyy!

Remember when Madonna was firmly toned, but not so toned that extra lady crevasses appeared each time she decided to flex her thighs?

This week we say “pshaw!” to random 3-minute celebrity hookups and focus on famous couples who have lasted the distance.  Put on your commitment rings and see if you can identify the longtime celebrity pairs below (and by long time I mean many years, not just many weeks).

Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning.  In the meantime I will be refusing all offers of quickie marriages and demanding a suitably drawn out courtship period.

And what’s there not to like? The rib detail is especially fabulous, isn’t it?

Aaaargh I’m so sick of it! All. The. Bloody. Time. I’m telling you, the next wiseguy who asks me if I’m a good listener…

Dude, I know. I totally know how you feel.

I’m not so sure about Tourism Australia’s latest idea to tie in Baz Luhrmann’s film Australia with the new slogan ”See the Movie, See the Country” (in which case you won’t need to actually visit it after all).  Surely it would be more effective if they just used the universal appeal of Hugh Jackman and added a few words like so:

Q: There’s this girl at work I like, and I know she goes crazy for guys in tight lycra pants, so I was thinking of wearing a pair on our next casual Friday (we have a very lax company policy). But the thing is, I don’t know her too well and I don’t to reveal too much to her just yet if you know what I mean.

A: What am I, four years old? Of course I know what you mean. Go as tight as you can possibly bear, in any colour as long as it’s black. Black hides a multitude of sins and incriminating bulges.

Other colours do not.

It’s like finding out halfway through the match that your wife gave birth to a baby boy and instead of the name you agreed upon decided to call him Zuma Nesta Rock and you just need to hide from the embarrassment of it all.

Liam Gallagher on using gimmicky moves while on stage:

“…everyone’s throwing moves and throwing their arms about. I’m sick of all these. Everyone that’s in a . . . band these days, as soon as they open their mouth their hands go up in the air. . . . They all think they’re Jumping Jack Flash, man.”

“When it’s got to rock, it’s got to rock and when it’s got to chill, it’s got to chill, man. And I’m pretty good at both, I think.”

Yes he certainly is - even with his hands waving in the air, he is able to achieve an intense degree of Zen enlightenment.  How soon before we see him levitating to a packed out stadium of screaming fans?

While the rest of us are still trying to come to terms with the trend of male pantyhose, Gwyneth Paltrow and photographer friend Steven Klein are effortlessly forging new paths in fashion. Introducing the season’s latest look - matching his and hers deer in headlights expressions!

Why Maria Sharapova, of course we’ll help take a photo of you. What’s that? You just want us to carry it so you can use your free arm to angrily rip away the offending sleeve? OK, that makes a whole lot more sense. 

Nice medal haul, but don’t you think magazine covers of athletes look much better without decorative awards obstructing the spectacular view?

It’s the battle of the actresses portraying aviatrixes, Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart vs Hilary Swank as Amelia Earhart! Who do you prefer - the pert, dolled up Amelia or the plucky boyish version?