MANOLO: Mark, Jr. is crowning!
SPIRIT FINGERS: Don’t laugh, many a heavily pregnant karaoke singer has given birth while straining to hit those high notes.
PLUMCAKE: Ah, who are we to mock? When you’re in love the whole world’s your speculum.
SPIRIT FINGERS: Speaking from experience, those boots aren’t the most comfortable for kneeling in.
PLUMCAKE: I know. I’m pretty sure the whole congregation noticed.
MANOLO: The mirror-like surface of the floor is telling the Manolo far more than he wishes to know about the Brazilians and their waxes.
SPIRIT FINGERS: Don’t be fooled by the smocks I got, I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block.
MANOLO: This is her tribute to the late Marcel Marceau, she calls it “Diva Walking Against the Wind.”
PLUMCAKE: For a second I thought that dude had a machete and he was all “No! Classic American Sportswear or DEATH!”
SPIRIT FINGERS: Speaking from experience, that really is the only way to enforce a strict dress code.
PLUMCAKE: How many frogs had to be licked to death to inspire that fabric? FESS UP CAVALLI!
SPIRIT FINGERS: Cavalli also designed what the baby will be wearing when it makes its grand entrance. I hear they’re going for a suede umbilical cord.
MANOLO: “Bravissima, Darling. Now, I want you think Swarovski for the diapers! So luxe! So…Cavalli!”
MANOLO: Mark Anthony’s skin color is making this dress look yellow
PLUMCAKE: I guess we know who’ll be eating the placenta.
SPIRIT FINGERS: Papi, let’s be jaundiced together, forever! I thought I’d never say this but damn, I miss Bennifer and their fake tans.
PLUMCAKE: Totally. I mean now it’s so blah. Wither the romance? Wither the adventure? Wither the hairplugs and yacht-based tush-nibbling?
SPIRIT FINGERS: Their room looks depressingly shabby. Have they not heard of tripadvisor.com?
MANOLO: The Manolo finds it hard to believe that the J-Lo does not have some sort of Barbara Streisand contract riders, you know, the ones which stipulate that the star’s dressing room be equpped with 57 peach colored towels, special lighting and chairs, and the fresh goat carcass for the star’s husband to feast upon.
SPIRIT FINGERS: It’s a pity J Lo’s lower body couldn’t be persuaded to take part in this photo. Her ass is such a diva!