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Caption Contest Results: Mariah Edition | Ayyyy!

Caption Contest Results: Mariah Edition

Don’t forget to enter this week’s Friday Caption Contest featuring Candace Bergen as you’ve never seen her before. Unless you’re her plastic surgeon.

Yes, it’s congratulations and imaginary swag to the winner of week-before-last’s-or-was-it-the-week-before-that’s Friday Caption Contest, featuring the amply pulchritudinous Mariah Carey at … some awards thing. The one where she was drunk. No, not that one, the other one. Well, one of the other ones. Whatever, YOU know what I mean!

Yes, here is Miss 150lbs of Glam in a 110lb Dress:

People's Choice Awards 2010 - Show

Paige Says:
January 9th, 2010 at 8:47 pm

When we start to wish you were on the “where are they now?” listings, you’ve likely overstayed your welcome. Exit gracefully, or we’ll haul your ass away. Gently, but away.

Congratulations to first-time winner Paige. For her imaginary prize we hypothetically present this amazing rocket-powered wheelchair, handmade with love by the apparently certifiably-insane Bob Gill. Imagine the Palm Beach geriatrics you could pick up with this baby! If this doesn’t say “I’m the fastest old lady in the Retirement Community” nothing does.

RocketChair by Bob Gill

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3 Responses to “Caption Contest Results: Mariah Edition”

  1. Paige January 24, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    We’re thankful and humbled. Looking forward to imaginary drive-by wheelings and upgrading to an aftermarket horn that plays La Cucaracha.

  2. Pencils January 27, 2010 at 11:04 am #

    OK, Mariah’s put on some weight, but the dress isn’t too tight, it fits her, and her hair and makeup look fabulous. No one looks their best in an awkward moment like that, it’s why stars do those artificial poses on the red carpet so they look good in tabloid photos. No, I’m not a big fan of La Mariah, but most of us aren’t as skinny as we used to be, and I bet she looked great in the posed photos.

    (I can’t believe I’m defending Mariah Carey…)

  3. raincoaster January 27, 2010 at 11:30 pm #

    The dress looked fab from the front, but then she turned sideways and oooh, not good. There shouldn’t be that much of a contrast between how it makes you look from the front and how it makes you look from the side. Tight white is not tremendously flattering to anyone, and nobody should have a lip of flesh hanging over the top of their dress like that. No-one who’s up for an award should wear a dress that requires being hiked to the erogenous zones in order to climb stairs. It was the second time in a week; the first time, I believe she actually had to be carried up. It’s just a ridiculous attention-getting device.