Ayyyy!

Oh yes, that’s exactly right, Brit-Brit. This is how you dispel rumours that you’ve flipped out again; you walk around Beverly Hills in an 80’s dress, holding hands with your agent/boyfriend/sobrietybuddy wearing a leopardskin crown and Minnie Mouse ears on your head. Well done, girlfriend!

(via PoorBritney)

This is not actually Bruges, this is Paris, and the arrival of Clemence Poesie at the Balenciaga show. I know nobody here knows who she is, but she was awesome in the terrific, tragicomic Colin Farrell film In Bruges and should be thought of as the Euro Claire Danes, only without the homewrecking part. And as these pictures show, she’s mastered the “innocent schoolgirl” look, at a cost of no more than, say, $15,000 or so. I may be twice her age, but I’d like to think for that price I could look like an innocent French schoolgirl, too.

PS: I’m stealing the hat! That’s why in most of the shots from that day she’s holding it on tightly; I’m just out of frame, with one of those ACME pincers-on-tongs contraptions I use when out stealing hats from celebrities.

Remember Ivana Trump? She once said, “I don’t intend to look a day over thirty, but it’s going to cost The Donald a lot of money!” Let’s see how she succeeded at that:

So, on the one hand: Honey, No. On the other hand, Respect; she really hasn’t changed a bit!

1987. Yes, 1987.

I’m sorry, Lapo. You know I love you, darling, but the Mad Scientist Whose Arms from the Elbow Down Are Reliving That Summer After Grad When We Did Shrooms at Burning Man look is just not working for you.

…you should have worn it instead of these ones, Chani:

And up top? Totally 80’s Night:

Shaun White ignores, to his credit, traditional advice for pattern on pattern.

Sven Kramer pwns NBC (raincoaster)

Padma’s pads (Lolebrity)

Suicide Girls Must Die (AgentBedhead)

Mel B. is 1/2 the wacko Britney was (AmyGrindhouse)

Colin Firth insufficiently gay for Tom Ford (BusyBeeBlogger)

Johnny Weir is too sexy for Vangroover (CeleBitchy)

Ali Lohan -> Dita von Teese? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Return of Cinnabun (CelebritySmack)

When Cougars Attack, starring Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon (CityRag)

Ewan McGregor is Out (DailyStab)

Flying Tomato drops bomb (Gawker)

The Return of Harriet Carter Wednesday (IBBB)

Kate Moss coulda been a neurosurgeon (INeedMyFix)

Do you want fries with that? (GoFugYourself)

Celine’s overshare will go on (Lainey)

Britney’s sour Candies (DListed)

We’re on a boat! (JustJared)

They’ve Lost the plot (Movieline)

The tears of a Canuck (PerezHilton)

Whatchootalkinbout Gary Coleman (SeriouslyOMG)

Twihardgasm! (TenGossip)

Justin Timberlake wants you to put a sock in it (ASL)

Ah, who am I kidding? Like I can afford brand-name drugs. I dunno what this is, but it dried up my nose just fine and hasn’t seemed to cause any sideaffex at al an i bot ity frum lenny out bac. i is fien.

oohmaz bad hare day (lolebrity)

dawn uv tha Twavatar (agentbedhead)

blak i’d p’s do robotface (amygrindhouse)

vangroover food prOn (busybeeblogger)

tila tekeela liarliarpantsonfire (celebritysmack)

maree antwanette at the brit awardz (holymoly)

jsimp seeks p-casso (celebitchy)

jiimmy kimmmmmellll gets it rite (celebdirtylaundry)

adam lmbert disconnex u (dailystab)

the ollllyimpic liveblog (gawker)

brangelina breeds monshishi (laughingstork)

st. angelina goez bak to her rutes (dlisted)

boggerpocalypse at b5 (earsucker)

saveypood no i did not make that up stoned thats what it actually said (movieline)

oh noes save teh fayk babehz~! (litelysalted)

what is this a photoshop contest (ibbb)

hello ur lyin (evilbeet)

meenwyle penny lane still undervalyood (gabbybabble)

undies win kellan lutz over (ineedmyfix)

menz fashun brit awardz im confyoozed wherez kfed (UKPopSugar)

axl roze 2 okkazhun (seriouslyomg)

i beeleev u have a hit (tengossip)

soaffie munks fone iz on vybrayte (theskinny)

Yes, yes, boring I know. Herbal tea gossip links just don’t have the dash of cocktail links, but what can I say? I’m giving my liver a month off for bad behaviour. It’s probably snorting Drano with Lindsay Lohan in Ibiza right this very moment.

Here’s a pic of Old Four Eyes to soften the disappointment.

Who Will Be the Olympic Torchbearer? (True/Slant)

Sandra Bullock’s Sure-Fire Oscar Strategy (Lolebrity)

Paris in Paris (AgentBedhead)

Babeh Becker (AmyGrindhouse)

Topless models make passes at men who wear (Tom Ford) glasses (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lilo too partied out to party? (CeleBitchy)

Ireland is SO grounded! (CelebritySmack)

Travolta’s toupe (HolyMoly)

The World of Plastics on display (IBBB)

Do they HAVE interns in hospitals? (DailyStab)

RIP Alexander McQueen (INeedMyFix)

Gwyneth Paltrow, Brown Rice Queen (LaineyGossip)

Alan Rickman reading love poems – thud! (UKPopSugar)

Are you DOWN with the CLOWN? (EvilBeet)

Another Vacation coming soon (CelebrityVIPLounge)

The secret to longer life (CelebDirtyLaundry)

John Edwards closes barn door after horse bolts (CelebrityMound)

Project Runway recap (HaveUHeard)

Robert Pattinson shower scene (HollywoodBackwash)

Lindsay Lohan, Closet Case (Movieline)

Lost Valentines (TenGossip)

Lulu Guinness dares you not to like her new pursed lips.