Ayyyy!

Okay, Sven Kramer, my imaginary boyfriend, you may have gotten the gold for the fastest skater and the gold for the purtiest Olympian other than Johnny “Fierce” Weir, but I’m still saying the Russian in the back there wins the platinum medal in the fashion Olympics. Don’t nobody look their best in orange. Not even you:

And seriously; ankle socks?

Lindsay Lohan airs it out (Lolebrity)

Lara vs Leia (AgentBedhead)

Elvis Pattinson immortalized (AmyGrindhouse)

Clive Owen steals some poor girl’s jacket (BusyBeeBlogger)

and she wonders why she doesn’t have any friends (INeedMyFix)

Gilligan’s Island of the Living Dead (CelebritySmack)

Lohan throwdown (AllieIsWired)

Lilo on the down low (HolyMoly)

Flying Tomato peels! (DailyStab)

The family that tases together, stayses together (GabbyBabble)

Betcha can’t fug just one (GoFugYourself)

Someone please give Sarah Palin a real job (Gawker)

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! (EvilBeet)

Giantess free to attack again! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

These tourists are SO much prettier than ours (HaveUHeard)

Fran Drescher Fission! (IBBB)

There’s a thin line… (LitelySalted)

Moon, June, Spoon, Gay PrOn? (Movieline)

We like JLo’s Hue (TenGossip)

Bride of Freakenstein (PopBytes)

Well THIS should get a telethon (DListed)

Remember … to SMILE, dummy (UKPopSugar)

Jane Fonda shouldn’ta blogged it! (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

Courtney Love, Chickenhawk.

Mark Twain sings the Greatest Hits of the 70’s (Lolebrity)

Gangsta! (MaterialBitch)

Oscar Campaign Violations (Movieline)

Courtney Love sics the FBI on Ed Norton (PerezHilton)

Nazis for Jordan! (UKPopSugar)

Suicide a felony? (PopBytes)

Beaver shot (SeriouslyOMG)

St. Angelina bails out (ASL)

Tyler Durden’s Rules (CopyBlogger)

Keith Urban is an icehole (Manolo)

Canucks Amok! (Gawker)

The Crazies come out at Midnight (TenGossip)

Rapper quarantined! (WOWReport)

Crazy young drunk girl vs crazy old meth mom (LitelySalted)

Tiger Woods drained (JustJared)

Suri ditches the ‘rents (IBBB)

Lady Gaga attacks! (INeedMyFix)

Prada axes models (HollywoodBackwash)

This is what DIVORCE is for, people (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne crosses the line (DListed)

Kelly Ripa’s biker cred (DailyStab)

The Mischamobile got towed (Celebslam)

Pete Doherty’s babysitter sentenced (AgentBedhead)

The White House Party Crashers claim their first scalp (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Blog hijacked! (CelebritySmack)

Kirstie Alley, frontman (CeleBitchy)

Did someone steal Daniel Boone’s hat? (HolyCandy)

Hugh Jackman gets cut! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Levi Johnson’s court order (AmyGrindhouse)

Shaun White ignores, to his credit, traditional advice for pattern on pattern.

Sven Kramer pwns NBC (raincoaster)

Padma’s pads (Lolebrity)

Suicide Girls Must Die (AgentBedhead)

Mel B. is 1/2 the wacko Britney was (AmyGrindhouse)

Colin Firth insufficiently gay for Tom Ford (BusyBeeBlogger)

Johnny Weir is too sexy for Vangroover (CeleBitchy)

Ali Lohan -> Dita von Teese? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Return of Cinnabun (CelebritySmack)

When Cougars Attack, starring Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon (CityRag)

Ewan McGregor is Out (DailyStab)

Flying Tomato drops bomb (Gawker)

The Return of Harriet Carter Wednesday (IBBB)

Kate Moss coulda been a neurosurgeon (INeedMyFix)

Do you want fries with that? (GoFugYourself)

Celine’s overshare will go on (Lainey)

Britney’s sour Candies (DListed)

We’re on a boat! (JustJared)

They’ve Lost the plot (Movieline)

The tears of a Canuck (PerezHilton)

Whatchootalkinbout Gary Coleman (SeriouslyOMG)

Twihardgasm! (TenGossip)

Justin Timberlake wants you to put a sock in it (ASL)

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé’s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

This? This is genius. And no doubt about to be a best-seller with single girls, who are up to their ears in articles on how to date hot men who bore them senseless (anything rather than be single!): just get him one of these super-turtlenecks and voila! Problem solved, and so much less stressful than just telling him to shut up.

M is for Muffle It, Heidi (AgentBedhead)

Shut Your Mouth! Elijah Wood is 29 (AmyGrindhouse)

Mad Man murdered by silence (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ben wants Jen to STFU (CeleBitchy)

Siskel shushes Ebert (Movieline)

Cows take Kiefer for a ride (PopEater)

Tina Turner is HOW old? Shut up! (CelebritySmack)

Say What? (DailyStab)

Monjack seeks to gag WarnerBrothers (DListed)

Amy Winehouse erases Blake (HolyMoly)

Things Jennifer Aniston DIDN’T say (PopBytes)

Denise Van Outen speaks in code (UKPopSugar)

Mariah’s dress covers her hidden charms (CityRag)

Hugh Jackman speaks! (LitelySalted)

Diddy did? I’m speechless (LaughingStork)

Clare Danes speaks for the autistic (INeedMyFix)

Pete Doherty continues to be unspeakable (CrazyDays&Nights)

Jay Leno hasn’t spoken to Conan (EvilBeet)

Ugly Betty silenced (GabbyBabble)

Alicia Keys has no comment (INO)

NBC slides Conan some hush money? (JustJared)

Zelda Rubenstein has gone dark (Movieline)

Jon Voight wants you to STFU HATERZ (PerezHilton)

Mariah shouldn’t talk! (ASL)

Lance Bass is quietly emo (TenGossip)

Chris Matthews puts his foot in his mouth (Gawker)

Shut up, Kanye (Lolebrity)

Ah, after all these years, what has not already been said about the protean talents of hottie and character actor Colin Farrell? Remember the time LiLo gave him her phone number in the gym? And he asked her how old she was? And she said seventeen? And he handed the card back and said call me in a year? and she did? And the rest is (medical) history?

He didn’t look like this back then:

Yes, it’s Colin “hottest fry cook in the chip wagon” Farrell, the pride of Dublin. Actually, given how drastically Lindsay’s gone downhill in the last year, he’s probably out of her league now, however much he might try to tone down teh sex-ay.

And believe me, he’s trying.

So Colin, what do you think of Bruges? (NSFW language, unless you work as a blogger, in which case at least be sure the people in the cafe can’t hear this)

Sure, blondes have more fun, but does she LOOK like a girl who likes to have fun? (AgentBedhead)

There IS justice in the world (AmyGrindhouse)

Kendra Wilkinson a FAR better actress than anyone suspected (BusyBeeBlogger)

If nomenclature and PR couldn’t keep these guys together, what hope IS there? (CelebritySmack)

Topless hunks in headless story (PopSugar)

Vampires: they’re JUST like us! (Lainey)

Van spawns MINI-Van (DListed)

Buh-BYE, Ty-Ty! (DailyStab)

PETA’s pet peeves (CeleBitchy)

MUST-see tv (Gawker)

Brit is BROWN! (EvilBeet)

Lindsay’s found her CALLING (HolyCandy)

Rapist sues over label; still fine with DOUCHE tho (LitelySalted)

Homeless couple spotted with ADORABLE children (GabbyBabble)

MALFOY in MIAMI! (INO)

Charlie Sheen’s Christmas CARDED (JustJared)

The AVATAR Holiday Special! (Movieline)

Mariah CARRY! (SeriouslyOMG)

Beckham’s BACK! (PopBytes)

“Hello, dollink. Is problem. I said get me Transylvanian orphan, not Pennsylvanian! Now YOU explain mixup to Fearless Leader. But thanks for hat; I always knew that rotten squirrel vould be good for something someday.”

It’s true what Glinda says: so purty you almost forget he’s a bit of a douchenozzle.

Rob Zombie’s Where the Wild Things Are (AgentBedhead)

Corey Feldman’s back on the market, ladies! (AmyGrindhouse)

James Franco must not be a REAL Italian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Back to the Eurasian Orphan Emporium for Tomkat (CeleBitchy)

World’s worst toupee? (CelebritySmack)

Gordon Ramsay experiences pain, a generation of sous chefs yell, “TELL me about it!” (DailyStab)

Gore Vidal destroys a potentially lucrative career as a childcare professional (Gawker)

Pete Wentz is a marked man (EvilBeet)

Jimmy Kimmel, claws out (GabbyBabble)

Rosielina? J’Odonnell? (INO)

Twihards about to blow their stack if RPattz is a free agent (UKPopSugar)

Hamthrax in Hollywood (Movieline)

Craig Ferguson joins the Navy (SeriouslyOMG)

But IS this, in fact, IT? (ASL)