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Wednesday Caption Contest: Tilda Swinton Edition

Tilda Swinton as a PreRaphaelite Surrealist object

Tilda Swinton as a PreRaphaelite Surrealist object

You know what to do; do it in the comments for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes.

Friday Caption Contest Results: Olympic Edition

It’s time to choose a winner in our Royal Purple Olympics caption contest! Thanks for a grape effort, everyone!

Purple. Puuuuuurple.

Purple. Puuuuuurple.


June 3, 2012 at 6:56 am #

“Take me to your wine press.”

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Desideria. Imagine all the grapes they could stomp with those heinous rocker wedge shoes of theirs! And if you had to look like that all day for work, couldn’t you just kill a liter of Chardonnay when the whistle blows? For her imaginary swag of hypothetical glory, we present this much-better-dressed
Picasso Print: Sculpture of a Young Man with Goblet
from the British Museum.

Picasso Print: Sculpture of a Young Man with Goblet

Portrait of the Uma as a Young Woman

Miss Helen Duinham by John Singer Sargent

Miss Helen Duinham by John Singer Sargent

You see it, don’t you? What better proof of the enduring nature of classical beauty could there be than the resemblance of this portrait from 160 years ago, to today’s celebrated beauty, Uma Thurman? True, no casting director would have chased after Miss Helen Duinham’s brougham, begging her to play The Bride in Kill Bill, but they look like they could be equally deadly at the bridge table or the cotillion.

Uma Thurman has a slightly different choice of wardrobe it must be admitted

Uma Thurman has a slightly different choice of wardrobe it must be admitted

Oh, Andy: story of my LIFE!

Think Rich, look poor

Think Rich, look poor

And right there, Andy reveals the real truth about New York Punk. It’s never a bad time to review the Frugal Indulgent Manifesto.


Frugal Indulgents celebrates liberation from capital: True bouviessence (glamour at all times for all occasions) is, believe it or not, independent of money.

There are certain basic principles that apply to every aspect of life as a Frugal Indulgent. These concern behaviour and attitude. Before we begin, we feel it is important that you know where we’re coming from, so we’ve penned the Frugal Indulgent Manifesto for your reading pleasure.
Follow these rules, and relish your imminently grand lifestyle.

  •  Never Act Your Age or Your Income. You may be young and poor, but you are also smart and tasteful. Try to let the latter qualities overshadow the former.
  • Aim High. If you assume you can’t fly first class on your budget, you never will. Assume that you deserve the best, and try to get it. Sometimes you’ll prevail.
  • Exude Confidence. The surer you appear to be about yourself, the surer others will be about you. If you act like you own the place, more often than not you will be treated like the owner.
  • Fake it. If you are not confident, you can fake it. You think you aren’t fitting in at an event? Think you’re not qualified for a job? Not worthy of a date with a fabulous person? Shut up about it and pretend that you are. Chances are you are the only one who knows your shortcomings. If you act the part, you may get away with it.
  • Never Apologize. The souffle has fallen., You ate the salad with the entree fork. Your sofa has seen better days: So what? Apologies put people on edge. Aplomb in the face of adversity puts people at ease. Friends and strangers will admire you for having the silent courage to showcase your quirks. Smile and keep dancing.
  • Be Curious. Read everything. Talk to everyone. Ask questions. The more inquisitive you are, the more information you’ll gather. As the “Schoolhouse Rock” people used to say, knowledge is power.

Hump Day Hunk: Adrien Brody

Adrien Brody's prayers were answered when he made Hump Day Hunk

Adrien Brody's prayers were answered when he made Hump Day Hunk

There’s just something about this skeevy bastard that I like. Maybe it’s that he’s a winning rally driver. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and dresses so Pool Shark. Maybe it’s that hell, it’s been a long time and … but there, I’ve said too much. And besides, I can’t run Prince Harry every week, can I?

Let’s toast to Adrien’s dream come true with a spirited round of Pool Shark, the Drinking Game and some gossip links.

Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)

Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit.  (raincoaster)

Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)

George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)

Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)

Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)

Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)

Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)

Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)

Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)

Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)

Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)

L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)

Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)

Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)

Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)

Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)


Hands up!

You've got to hand it to her

You've got to hand it to her

Let’s have a show of hands: Which world-famous architect is also a closet hipster?

She does have better taste in shoes, though.

Zaha Hadid Melissa Shoe

Zaha Hadid Melissa Shoe

Bling Ring

Platinum Knuckles

ten carats of PAIN!

I think these would only really suit a very feminine woman with four spouses, all of whom she was furious with. What’s that, Quadritamy? Mass assault?  Ha: What is that? Ah, who am I kidding? It’s LINDSAY LOHAN!

Guess SamRo finally put a ring on it.

Backstage with Dali (raincoaster)

Fresh Heiress (Ayyyy)

Who’s the Boss? (ManoloFood)

Don Draper, Math Man (Lolebrity)

The first step is admitting you have a problem, Gwyneth (AgentBedhead)

Jack Sparrow to fly again (BusyBeeBlogger)

Your annual Taylor Swift post-breakup “learning experience” post (CeleBitchy)

Boy takes Backstreet to Rehab (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Christina Hendricks, nudie Juggalo? (CelebritySmack)

Snowman of the damned (CityRag)

Imminent arrival puts crimp in Kate Hudson’s dating game (DailyStab)

Rachel Zoe repurposes (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber is allergic to stunt casting (HaveUHeard)

Too much macho in one photo (INeedMyFix)

Oprah cheeses out (PopBytes)

Yet another legacy model zones out (TheSkinny)

Josephine Baker dares you, 2011

Josephine Baker will have none of your excuses

Josephine Baker will have none of your excuses

The immortal Josephine Baker thinks if your gossip isn’t juicy, it could at least be better-dressed (see Vanessa Hudgens link below).

A New Year’s prayer from Jeff Buckley (raincoaster)

Dear 2010, kiss my ass (Lolebrity)

The Cure for 2010 (Ayyyy)

Strangely, nothing to do with Milton Berle (Manolofood)

Ashton Kutcher, bringer of the apocalypse (AgentBedhead)

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, or so we hope (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ugly Sweaters: so 2010. The Look of Today? Ugly Leggings (CeleBitchy)

Shania Twain knows whose bed his boots have been under (CelebritySmack)

But there’s still time, Michelle! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bikini Fails of 2010 (CityRag)

Paula Abdul is sotally tober! (DailyStab)

If he were as hot as Russell Brand, he wouldn’t be forced into rehab (Earsucker)

Dear Ex, u got servd, sincerely Lady Gaga (FitFabCeleb)

Lisa Rinna SANS FARDS (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber went slumming for New Year’s (GossipTeen)

Valerie Bertinelli knows how to rock a second wedding dress (HaveUHeard)

Lindsay, the FIRST step is admitting you have a problem (INeedMyFix)

Vanessa Hudgens can’t figure out which end of her pants needs hitching (JustJared)

Kathy Griffin is going to f—– Palin up this year (PerezHilton)

BritBrit to do GQ (PoorBritney)

Bitchy Brits vs Stateside Celebs (PopBytes)

John Stamos cast in Twilight??? (SeriouslyOMG)

You will never look this good in a bikini (TheSkinny)

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