Because what with Daylight Savings Time, even your morning coffee is drunk in the dark!

Kelly Osbourne robs the cradle (CelebWarship)

Eminem’s acorn didn’t fall far from the tree (CelebrityDirt)

Jennifer Aniston is Jennifer Aniston’s biggest fan (Websters)

Ashlee and Pete welcome the newest member of the Gawdawful Celebrity Baby Name Club (UKPopSugar)

Joe the Plumber has a book deal (MollyGood)

Cedric Diggory appears to be turning into Pete Doherty (JustJared)

America’s Next Top Recapper (IBBB)

Top 10 celebrity porn names (CandyKirby)

Moulin Rouge meets 80′s hair metal (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna to guest on Stargate any day now? (DListed)

Adrien Brody has a creepy stalker…who interviewed him for The Advocate (Defamer)

Sexiest Men Alive, now with scratch-n-sniff goodness! (Gawker)

The Divorce of the Century has been granted! (DailyStab)

Hugh Jackman overshares (CelebritySmack)

Hinterland’s Who’s Who: The Douchebag (CityRag)

Winona was high when she reached ground level (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Salon’s Sexiest Men Alive for Thinkers (CeleBitchy)

George Clooney supports Movember (AgentBedhead)

You know that blooming tea stuff? It looks strangely familiar…

Jennifer Aniston attempts to make up for lost time? (GabbyBabble)

Remember, Remember the 5th of November (GuidoFawkes)

Biggest casting against type since Darryl Hannah played an astrophysicist in Roxanne (AgentBedhead)

Not Gut! Steve Guttenberg is a flasher (CelebritySmack)

The fats of life: Janet Jackson’s diet book cancelled (HolyMoly)

Blaaaaaaaake, Incarcerated…in rehab (DailyStab)

Fun with celebrity holograms! (BestWeekEver)

Hologram-O-rama (Defamer)

RIP Michael Crichton (MomLogic)

Marilyn Manson is single again, girls! (DListed)

Matthew McConaughey is singlehandedly bringing trailer trash back (CeleBitchy)

Paris Hilton would overdress for the opening of an envelope (CelebWarship)

The world is ending, but the afterparty has begun! (IBBB)

Ashlee Simpson is Chuck Barry’s dream girl? (CandyKirby)

Anna Wintour birthday fanfic (GoFugYourself)

Prince Harry, charity hottie (UKPopSugar)

What did Vegas do to deserve this? (Websters)

Ryan Seacrest takes his best shot (SeriouslyOMG)

Prince Harry duz Colonialism rong (Lolebrity)

Paging the Claymates! Clay Aiken singing angel music box (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Diddy wins the Gold! In Overshares! (POTP)

Flasher or Flash In The Pan? (Celebuwreck)

Paris Hilton, superhero? (ItsCandyTV)

Welcome to Dumpsville, Jennifer; population: you (CelebrityDirt)

Just let your damn keyboard get dirty for God’s sake! (IBBB)

Win a threesome with Scarlett Johannson (AgentBedhead)

Celebrity Deathmatch: Suri vs Shiloh (CelebritySmack)

Amy Winehouse: the stuff of nightmares (HolyMoly)

Ali Lohan, living la vida silicone (CeleBitchy)

Brad Pitt, typical suburban dad (PopSugar)

Madonna will depopulate Malawi if it’s the last thing she does (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Everybody Batusi! (DListed)

Tyra steals from children (CandyKirby)

Ashlee Simpson is a role model for Canadian youth (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Penelope Cruz isn’t pretty enough to date herself (DailyStab)

Someone tell Brooke Hogan blogging is a privilege, not a right (Websters)

Remaid in Manhattan (SeriouslyOMG)

Britney represents for Team Cheeto! (Defamer)

WaPo vs JonasFanz, yo (Gawker)

Madamism? Madonnaism? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

A star is born: Katie Holmes stars in The Scream (Lolebrity)

What should we name the new Mini-McConaughey? (TeenyManolo)

Hope reborn for Kate and Pete (AgentBedhead)

The newborn reality stars of Big Brother (CelebritySmack)

Pete Doherty robs the cradle, Sting after him with a shotgun (POTP)

Child star rocks the pirate-themed bustier (Websters)

Best boobs new or used? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

BevHills Chihuahua: a revolution is born (EvilBeet)

New parents Halle Berry and Almost-Mister Halle Berry have a night of freedom (DailyStab)

Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham shop for baby stuff (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Why Sunday for a baby born Monday? The Kidman-Urban theories (CeleBitchy)

Prince Harry doing children’s charity work in Lesotho (People)

Usher and Baby Usher win the Photoshop Challenge (DListed)

Erykah Badu: baby on board? (Crunk&Disorderly)

Baby clothes make a comeback (GoFugYourself)

Sherri Shepherd saying something dim about kids and moms (GabbyBabble)

The Bindi Irwin doll not as conflicted as those neurotic Barbie&Skipper types (IBBB)

Angelina still hasn’t popped (JustJared)

Ashlee Simpson’s maternity wardrobe an improvement (Mollygood)

Gwyneth Paltrow supports the White Ribbon Alliance for Safe Motherhood (PopSugar)

Amy Winehouse sez da hyer da hair, da clowser too gawd (Lolebrity)

Grey’s Anatomy insider carves up Katherine Heigl (SeriouslyOMG)

Liberace reincarnated! (GabbyBabble)

Agyness Deyn Punk’d (CelebWarship)

Model/Actress/Whatevers climb the greasy pole for Kid Rock (AgentBedhead)

Chevy Chase misplaces bouquet garni de BC (Defamer)

Perez Hilton, the opera (Gawker)

Pete and Ashlee went to the doctor (DailyStab)

Gavin Rossdale turns his back on his musical roots forever. And the ska punks will never speak to him again (ImNotObsessed)

R Kelly not guilty (CelebritySmack)

Who rocked the beaver better? (CandyKirby)

George Clooney’s Italian villa has interesting…manscaping? (TheBastardly)

Sean Connery suffers golfing injury, breaks foot, shatters my James Bond illusions (DListed)

10 reasons not to watch Will Smith’s new movie (Derober)

Perez Hilton, Britney Spears, and KFed are all in Vegas this weekend (PerezHilton)

The Blogosphere dissected (Mollygood)

The Shat chooses rug over beard (CeleBitchy)

Erykah Badu gives Bjork a run for her money (Crunk&Disorderly)

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds act out the Canada/US relationship (lolebrity)

The Hogans are the Oedipus and Elektra of the B-List (CelebuWreck)

Tom Cruise’s lawyer invokes Godwin’s Law on Dr. Drew (SeriouslyOMG)

Amy Winehouse is dealing crack (CelebrityDirt)

“Tila Tequila is a political power broker” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a stretch (AgentBedhead)

Beyonce is a work of art (CelebritySmack)

Jimmy Buffet is a natural (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ashlee Simpson is showing (HollywoodBackwash)

Angelina Jolie is a pig! (DailyStab)

Ned Flanders at the beach! (DListed)

Marcia, crossed (ImNotObsessed)

Milk of human kindness curdles after a certain age (CandyKirby)

I know who killed my career (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse is a size queen (NowMagazine)

Brad’s boxes in box-office boxing match (ASL)

Dita von Teese hosts Ebony and Ivory party (UKPopSugar)

So it looks like Simpson the Lesser (I’m totally team Jessica by the way, I like my vapid blonde starlets genuinely vapid. Keep your creme-rinsed facade of kohl-based angst away from me, Ashlee!) and her fiance –that guy with the hair from that band I don’t know anything about– might have figured out how to make babies.

Oh great. You KNOW this is how Planet of the Product-Using Apes starts.

If they discover fire, we’re all going down.