Dude that is a HOLE lotta pant

Professonal golfer John Daly here exhibits all the classical restraint and good taste for which he and his cohort are celebrated at country clubs around the world.

Which must be why Donald Trump wants to get into the biz.

In related news, I used to work with an aspiring pro golfer at Starbucks, and I made him raise his right hand and swear never to wear dorky clothes. He promised to be the first hip-hop golfer in the world.

Also: these are pajamas. I own them, that’s how I know. Also, give thanks you’re seeing them now, and not once they’ve shrunk a bit. Austin Powers Moose Knuckle is not a good look on anyone!

And now, in an effortless segue, your celebrity link roundup for today:

If you got into Hogwarts… (raincoaster)

Swag: I has it! (Ayyyy)

Naughty Potters! (ManoloFood)

James Potter LIVES! (Lolebrity)

Return of the Living Dead (tv shows) (Crasstalk)

Mel Gibson has been a bad, bad boy! (AgentBedhead)

Jewel has a chip (BusyBeeBlogger)

Daisy Lowe is 22 going on 45 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Zooey “Snobby Cow” Deschanel vs Journo (CelebritySmack)

Beyonce-daddy attempts reputation management (CelebVIPLounge)

Harry Potter, dirty tagger! (CityRag)

Oh everybody! Look, Renee Zellwegger has a new “Aniston Boyfriend” (DailyStab)

Kennedy castoff gets part-time job (EarSucker)

Baby Spice Impersonator earns five quick bucks (FitFabCeleb)

Haven’t seen much of you lately…until you wore THIS! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Shia is full of Shiat (HaveUHeard)

That’s what you get for slumming, Nicki Minaj (HollywoodHiccups)

If finding dwarves hot is wrong, I don’t want to be right (INeedMyFix)

Britney beats back the Bad Boys of Fleet Street (PoorBritney)

Oh come ON, celebrity press. There’s no room in those Wranglers for a royal Babeh! (PopBytes)

Sergio Ramos, you almost make me want to watch soccer. But they wear more clothes than this (SwoonWorthy)

Lindsay Lohan shot! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Tennis Ball Dress

igirl99
June 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Ballsy!

Congratulations and virtual swag to first-time winner, igirl99. For her hypothetical swag, we virtually offer the imaginary Ettika black leather double wrap tennis bracelet:

Tom Brady's crotch cam has even his dog laughing at him

Wow. It really IS telescopic! And I thought that was just a line!

David Beckham straightens up quite well

It’s not every ball-basher who looks that good in a suit. Or his underwear, come to think of it. And now that we’ve set the tone, let’s cool down with a delicious and recursive Brandy Punch Cocktail Drink, which he assures us is one of his favorites. So bend your elbow like Beckham and enjoy these gossip links:

Hippies, mushrooms, social workers, and hockey. Of COURSE this is a story from BC. Bring your short attention span and leave your patchouli back in the Mystery Machine, man. (raincoaster)

A just god would not allow this. She’s Suri. But not Suri enough for this abomination. (Ayyyy)

My Drunk Kitchen isn’t nearly drunk enough for THIS unspeakable thing. And when your cooking show needs a safety spotter, you seriously need to rethink this concept. (ManoloFood)

Batman! Thank god you’ve arrived! That’s Iraq solved, then! (Lolebrity)

Real news is what happens when God isn’t looking. Or is that G-D? But it happened this morning. (Crasstalk)

Courtney Love and Adnan Khashoggi sitting in a tree…no seriously, she’s trying to make this happen. Are we totally sure there’s a drug she hasn’t tried yet? Because she still appears to be on all of them simultaneously. (AgentBedhead)

ZOMBIES! And I ain’t talking cocktails! Zombies rule (until Animals came along…) (BusyBeeBlogger)

A million Twihards just came. RPattz is looking for a lifemate. Helpmeet. Mate. You just fainted again, didn’t you? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cheryl Cole not ready for US prime time. No. Shit. Dude. (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, I knew God. God was a friend of mine. You. Are no God. (CelebVIPLounge)

I got no farther than the concept of milking the Green Lantern before I had to take a bit of “me time” if you know what I mean and I think you do. (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian already working on KKK? A just god would not allow this. Steve? Steve, baby? (EarSucker)

Lindsay Lohan flashes the plastic. I’m sorry, right. Even her VISA card is natural. (FitFabCeleb)

Peace out, dudes. No, seriously, peace out. Right outta my life. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

My OTHER imaginary boyfriend was on American Idol? Why, Steve and Julian will be so jealous! (HaveUHeard)

Bridesmaids outtakes. If we’re lucky this includes Jon Hamm P-slips. (HollywoodHiccups)

More proof the Gouvernator is no Kennedy. I’m sorry, but that’s no Marilyn Monroe, my friends. (INeedMyFix)

Jack Black, nekkid as a jaybird in front of the TSA. What would you give for an unobstructed view? (MathiewGuiver)

Okay, NOW I know who Shemar Moore is. And believe me, I won’t forget any time soon. (Swoonworthy)

Breaking Dawn breaking poster. This is news? Come on, Prince Hot Ginge, give us something newsworthy! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Why do they call it Ladies Day?

Seriously, why don’t they just rename it “Tramps and Drag Queens Day” instead of Ladies’ Day? I need a Drag Queen Cocktail and some distracting gossip links.

Ellen Page is poetry in motion (raincoaster)

Cornify makes any website into poetry (raincoastermedia)

Jack Kerouac IS poetry (Lolebrity)

This is a very poetic lingo, whatever the hell it is (Ayyyy)

Gwyneth is greased! Hounds, release! (AgentBedhead)

ZOMG I think we know what sent Morrissey into his rage (BusyBeeBlogger)

Their bodies are wonderlands (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The pen is mightier than the sword, and the dollar is mightier than the slur (CelebritySmack)

Engagiarmus! (CelebVIPLounge)

Bad Barbie is alarmy (CityRag)

PlayPenn Pals (DailyStab)

Celebrities, they text just like us! (EarSucker)

and Pauly D weeps into his mirror (FitFabCeleb)

She probably just wanted to work on her Ode To Tapdancing (HaveUHeard)

RyRey is CGI’d, big-thighed (HollywoodHiccups)

Least romantic love scene description EVER (INeedMyFix)

Literary light crashes and burns (MathewGuiver)

Macho Man Can! (Swoonworthy)

and then she smashed the cameraman with those roses? (TheSkinny)

Call it a deconstructive approach to the human face (TheSkinnyChic)

One of these things is not like the other

Celine demonstrates the authentic, little-known Quebecois-Canadian Tuxedo technique, here incorrectly applied to an American Tuxedo. Vote below:

And now, let’s have a dashing Tuxedo Cocktail and a few stiff gossip links:

Paul Rudd, birthday boy (raincoaster)

Lindsay Lohan’s staple food (ManoloFood)

Carrie Fisher captures your captions! (Ayyyy)

Angelina not so Jolie (Lolebrity)

Beastie Boys have got to fight! for the right! to remake material from 20 years ago (AgentBedhead)

John Legend is my imaginary boyfriend even if he does love Adele and golf (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kate and William are bringing my invite in person (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Nicki Minaj is trying to muscle in on Carrie’s caption game (CelebritySmack)

Mandy Moore, the extreme closeup is NOT your friend (CelebVIPLounge)

Oregon: Greatest state or GREATEST STATE? (CityRag)

Keanu Reeves has big plans for your sex life (DailyStab)

Hugh Hefner takes a load off my mind (EarSucker)

Nicky Hilton appears to be chilly (FitFabCeleb)

Solange Knowles in: Who Invited HER? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Pia J’adore (HaveUHeard)

Helen’s Magical Bosom (HollywoodHiccups)

Katherine Heigl is about to piss off the Knitting Lobby (INeedMyFix)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at who he gives it to (MathewGuiver)

Adele vs Britney (PoorBritney)

The Bride of Wildenstein lives! (PopBytes)

Hottest Male Athletes for your aesthetic appreciation (SwoonWorthy)

Kate Moss uses her mouth for something (TheSkinny)

Justin Bieber, keepin’ it teal (TheSkinnyChic)

Mystery Flapper is where Karl Lagerfeld stole his fan?

Guesses in the comments, and while you’re pondering, I suggest you enjoy a tasty and nutritious Strawberry Flapper and some gossip links:

The most epic post in the history of epicosity! (raincoaster)

Brando prepares for his greatest role (ManoloFood)

Lindsay Lohan SANS FARDS (Ayyyy)

Harry Potter and the Slash of Fandom (Lolebrity)

Nicole Kidman’s been swallowed by a python (AgentBedhead)

And her baby is all, “Wasn’t SATC ten years ago? Whatever, Mom.” (BusyBeeBlogger)

So does three quarters of Louisiana, but that won’t make it happen (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Xtina has the hiccups (CelebDirtyLaundry)

OH MY GOD I AM SUDDENLY SO HAPPY AND DUMB. AND HAPPY!!!1!! (DailyStab)

Won’t you spare a thought for the poor reality show millionaires? (EarSucker)

What Beaker Saw (cannot be unseen, I warned you!) (FitFabCeleb)

No, Justin, that’s not what she meant by the Burning Bush (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kirstie Alley not immune to gravity (HaveUHeard)

L. Ron Jr is five! (HollywoodHiccups)

Amy Winehouse put a ring on it (INeedMyFix)

The Oddest Couple (MathewGuiver)

Then she took some gigolo to Disneyland (PoorBritney)

Garey Busey almost gets Meatloafed (PopBytes)

I don’t know who this is, but I want it (SwoonWorthy)

Tara Reid still clinging to life, relevance (TheSkinny)

On the other hand, how much do most 90-year-olds make? (TheSkinnyChic)

Gag! That's no lady!

Dear god. I think I can see her disco stick!

Christmas Caroling with GWAR! (raincoaster)
Julian Assange is no Time Lord (Lolebrity)
The most important question of our time (Ayyyy)
Care for a Tumbler? (ManoloFood)
This Christmas, give the gift of Goopy Schadenfreude (AgentBedhead)
Because Thetans are very low in fat and calories (BusyBeeBlogger)
Oh silly Shania, Canada doesn’t have hillbillies! (CeleBitchy)
RIP the only police detective to throw a “Come As Your Favorite 4th Century BC Greek Philosopher” costume party and get away with it (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Ho, ho, ho, and others besides the Kardashians too (GirlsTalkinSmack)
The Curse of 30 Rock strikes again! (HaveUHeard)
The lead cellist was extremely resistant to his suggestion to “bring his A-game” (INeedMyFix)
Take a tour of Jack Black’s colon! (SeriouslyOMG)

That’s a very respectable showing from Tom Felton, once again stealing the show from his arch-rival, Daniel “Nice Guy” Radcliffe. But does anyone else think he’s been watching a bit too much early Keanu Reeves? Booyah, Dude-Man! Let’s order a pitcher of Bud Light (and pour it into the window planter when nobody is looking) to toast these new speakers of American: The Freedom Language.

Old McDonald had a problem… (raincoaster)
Draco Malfoy cleans up good (Ayyyy)
The Andy Warhol New York City Diet (ManoloFood)
Joan Crawford’s dating tips (Lolebrity)
Il fait suffrir pour etre belle (ManoloBeauty)
Spoons are a girl’s best friend? (CraftyManolo)
A clever bale-out for the recession (GreenManolo)
When Dina Lohan has to tell you how to behave, you KNOW you’re in trouble (AgentBedhead)
Kellan Lutz has Madonna arms! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Even St. Angelina can’t save Bosnia (CeleBitchy)
Tony Danza heckles a priest at a funeral (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Canuckistan corners teh sex-ay (DailyStab)
Chupa schtupped (DListed)
Beyonce is bad! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Eva Longoria Foursome (HaveUHeard)
You don’t have to be crazy to hate Bristol Palin (INeedMyFix)
Harry Potter finds his dead parents alive! (SeriouslyOMG)

Andy may even be prettier than me on a bad day

Although he DOES have to get that eyebrow game under control. Still, if we had beer goggles, who knows how we’d feel?

Guess the Goth (Ayyyy)
Bieber-bashing, a sport for the whole famdamily! (CelebrityBeehive)
Jerry Lewis has the secret to happiness (raincoaster)
Vladimir Putin vs Conde Nasty (Lolebrity)
Cthulhu vs Jackass (AgentBedhead)
As god is my witness, I thought NFL has-beens could fly (BusyBeeBlogger)
Celine Dion is keeping her fingers AND legs crossed (CeleBitchy)
Mad Men spoilers don’t make ME angry (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
Death to Duckface! (CityRag)
By the ghost of Auntie Grizelda!!! (SeriouslyOMG)
Latoya is a vision…(Cojostyle)
Tyra Banks kidnaps teen sex addict? (DailyStab)
Fembot popstar NO this isn’t about Pussycat Dolls (DListed)
Yes, Colin, we still remember the Britney thing (LaineyGossip)
Save the boobies!!! (INeedMyFix)
Kate Hudson with a pretty dress and a face full of Botox (JustJared)
Johnny Depp continues path to canonization (PerezHilton)
Cindy Crawford is still Cindy Freaking Crawford (PopBytes)