The divine Alan Cumming knows that if you have the panache, the red carpet can be the perfect background for something a little more…creative? eclectic? electric? than a penguin suit. I’m sorry, Agent Bedhead, you’ve got it ALL wrong; this look is all kinds of right (except the shoes; they’re just a titch too lesbian train mechanic, don’t you think?).

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Pee-Wee Herman, Uneasy Rider (Ayyyy)
Billy still Idol (AgentBedhead)
Kiefer in a swimsuit…brb I need a moment… (BusyBeeBlogger)
Lock up your talcum powder! (CeleBitchy)
Vamps! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This is the most hated woman on Earth (CelebritySmack)
Nudist Pudding Fight (CityRag)
are YOU on Cojo’s Best/worst Dressed list? (Cojostyle)
Tiger on the loose! (DailyStab)
are we SURE he wasn’t trying to flee instead? (GabbyBabble)
Little HGTV on the Prairie (GoFugYourself)
Cougars helping cougars (HaveUHeard)
George Michael guilty (INeedMyFix)
The Recapped Housewives of New Jersey (IBBB)
Michael Cera is That One Guy (Movieline)
Better Off Dead now better than ever! (SeriouslyOMG)

Salma Hayek and her friends and family present your wholesome gossip links for today.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Dolph Lundgren is the King of Rock and Roll (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Macho Murse Edition (Ayyyy)
This is why you will be fat (AgentBedhead)
Roger Federer’s bottle service (BusyBeeBlogger)
Hot Guy Friday (Celebitchy)
Happy Birthday, MPerr! (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Timberlake is officially middle-aged (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Brigitte Nielsen is ageless (CelebritySmack)
Tatty Baby Daddy game (CityRag)
Steve Jobs can prevent porn on your iPhone, but he can’t stop this (DListed)
Betty White to destroy Dan Brown at the bookstore (HaveUHeard)
Kat Von D is unique (INeedMyFix)
The Kids in the Hall of the Funeral Home (SeriouslyOMG)

Just in case you’ve ever wondered what our ancestors saw in high-waisted pants, here’s Tom Jones to clarify, in eye-ripping orange.

and now, your gossip link roundup:

Why do they love Michael Jackson so much? (TrueSlant)

Celine and Cher stare into the past and the future (Lolebrity)

Secret Love (TheManolo)

Love animals? (ManoloHome)

Who loves School Food? (ManoloFood)

Love to hate this type (ManoloBrides)

Leg-loving men (ManoloMen)

Which celebrity dad do you love best? (TeenyManolo)

Love the model, hate the artist? (ManoloBig)

Pigs in love (raincoaster)

Shirley loves Kristen (AgentBedhead)

Whitney Port’s new look: Love it or Leave it? (AmyGrindhouse)

Love floats? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Worst Guy in the World finds Love (CeleBitchy)

Everybody loves Susan Boyle (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We all love to watch Paris go down (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Give your heavy metal patriotism some love (CelebritySmack)

Granny will love this (CojoStyle)

Gerard Butler speaks out about his secret love (DailyStab)

Don’t you love a good Lilo fight? (DListed)

Amy Winehouse, slave to love (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s advice on love’s little side-effects (FakeKarl)

Betty White loves LeBron and Cleveland (GabbyBabble)

Britney LOVES her coffee (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna shows the Look of Love (HaveUHeard)

Somebody’s in love with Matt Damon (INeedMyFix)

Mel Gibson loves four letter words (IBBB)

Men love Marisa Miller (JustJared)

Sending our love to Back to the Future: Happy 25th! (Movieline)

Love among the Vampires (UKPopSugar)

Everybody loves Liza! (PopBytes)

Nobody loves Stephen Fry’s new look (SeriouslyOMG)

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• Tom Jones: Chicken Thief (manolith.com)

I dunno about this new accessory line from Pierre Cardin the master of perfume licensing and the go-go boot. I think he’s definitely lost touch with the world of accessories, don’t you?

Fergie, Duchess of Plonk! (TrueSlant)

Did you say “caged FEET?” (TheManolo)

Gary Coleman: the jive is strong with this one (Lolebrity)

Ashton overshares (AgentBedhead)

George Clooney’s in town: lock up your brunette strippers! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kristen, honey, it’s only a couple of pictures (CeleBitchy)

Dustup in the Desert! (CelebrityBeehive)

NASCAR loser (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lindsay enjoys the taste of clean living with Victoria Hervey and SamRo (CelebritySmack)

Canuckistan rising! (DailyStab)

Gaga gaga? (EvilBeet)

Megan Fox auditions for Victoria’s Secret…at LAX (HaveUHeard)

Pink didn’t marry him for his brains, you know (INeedMyFix)

Don’t worry, Madonna will adopt him (IBBB)

Animals at the zoo (UKPopSugar)

Then:

Now:

It’s terrible what a recession will do. Look at what’s happened to London’s ambassadors to the world! Reduced by 60% and then some. Once they were five lithe avatars of Girl Power: now they’re two stubby, faceless, badly-dressed John Travolta impersonators.

Not a patch on Canada’s Olympic mascots!

Wait, who’s THAT guy?

Which reminds me to post this: Nine Inch Nails meets Saturday Night Live. Enjoy?

Sure, posing like that to support your national soccer team takes balls, but you just KNOW the one on the right is smugly thinking “You’re not supposed to put them in your shirt, Mister!”

It’s Leslie Hall. Don’t question, just hit Play.

Oh, but she didn’t make just one hip-hop album. Oh no, girls and boys: she made several albums!

Peaches marked down (guest post for CelebrityBeehive)
Maddox Jolie-Pitt has a message for youze (Lolebrity)
Crystal Renn’s a big bust (ManoloBig)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff (TeenyManolo)
Bookcase got back (ManoloHome)
Baby got ripped off (TheManolo)
Paris Hilton IS happy to see you (AmyGrindhouse)
Caftans and the Country pix (BusyBeeBlogger)
It’s ice princess vs ice princess in the smackdown of the century (CeleBitchy)
Gabriel Aubry is MINE!!! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This used to be a fun house (CelebritySmack)
These are NOT the kind of darts I want to use on Gwyneth (CojoStyle)
But when is Kate Hudson getting a neck implant? (DailyStab)
The hardest-working pants in no-business (DListed)
Pratt wants to fist the world (EvilBeet)
Gwyneth: nothing but Goop (GabbyBabble)
Someone made a Solange purse (GoFugYourself)
Tim Gunn critiques superhero outfits (NPR)
Hugh Jackman, all wet (HaveUHeard)
LiLo is going up the river (INeedMyFix)
not-so-golden girls (IBBB)
Rihanna goes French (JustJared)
Ricky Martin vs Arizona (LitelySalted)
Blame Mister Rogers! (Movieline)
The Brady Bundchen (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Let’s Play “Who’s More Famous?” (UKPopSugar)
Britney needs a hairvention (PopBytes)
Bret Michaels update (SeriouslyOMG)
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have a disease? (Gawker)
Russell Crowe stabs Jon Bon Jovi in the back (ASL)
Nightmare on Kellan Street (TenGossip)