Apparently recovering pop-rocker Sheryl Crow made an appearance over the weekend at the Academy of Country Music awards, modeling an ensemble from the Lingerie department of Sears, Roebuck circa 1974. The bustier says “lifts and separates, tucks and squeezes,” while the flowing pants say, “and then there’s Maude.” And the stylist says, “Hey, I had an alibi!”
You see it, don’t you?
A hairstyle that unfortunate is clearly simply trying to cover up a shocking secret. She’s long been rumoured to be more than a simple, natural beauty. The question is, just how much is nature and how much is technology? Only her hairdresser (and her hardware store) know for sure.
Well, it was a great Grammys, wasn’t it? Whether you were into Epic FAIL or Epic Win, it was one of the most entertaining live broadcasts of the past year at the very least.
To start with: LLCoolJ. Just yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
Also: Mini Minajes = adorbz. Sophia Grace and Rosie are the two little girls who rose to fame (and Ellen appearance) by being adorable and performing a Nicki Minaj song for their proud parents, who posted it on YouTube, where it went viral. Believe me, WAY more entertaining than “Roman,” and I ain’t even Catholic!
Anne Vyalitsyna is apparently a Victoria’s Secret model. Let me tell you, Victoria couldn’t have any secrets in that dress. She looks like she rushed out of the ladies’ room with half her skirt tucked into her tampon.
Fergie’s own husband tweeted, “I see London, I see France…” On the other hand, yay for bringing Granny Pants back. No doubt a contract from Playtex is en route.
Surprise success of the night: the formerly-revolting Kelly Osbourne. How classic! The hair even coordinates with the tats!
And now: ADELE.
First of all, although I can’t find any still photos of it, I loved her second dress of the night, the one in the video. The Armani in which she started the evening was pretty enough, but frankly looked like a plain old vintage piece in that sparkly polyester everybody’s Nana used to wear to parties where she wanted to feel sexy at sixty. This is one of the downfalls of black; the details become invisible. The second, cocktail-length dress, was pretty, old-fashioned, with just the right amount of detailing highlighted by cream underlay, and the fact that the big silver metal zipper in the back (which was inexpertly sewn) was visible every time she turned around was, frankly, completely endearing.
Also, I MUST have this lipstick, if not the entire look. Internet, can you help me?
Of course you can. Presenting: Adele at the Grammys: the makeup tutorial!
My lovely colleague raincoaster has been temporarily sidelined. So I am stepping in to fill some very large, albeit gin-soaked, shoes. Unfortunately, I lack raincoaster’s Assange/alcohol/Viggo obsessions, but hopefully she will be back sooner rather than later.
Today I present alleged singer Porcelain Black, fresh from the BET awards.
Hon, you know you’ve got problems when a 3 year old rocks the cone bra better than you do.
Truly has it been said that fascists generally have the best uniforms. When it comes to fallen dictators, however, the same is not true. Look at Hosni Mubarak here, former president of Egypt and current homeless dude. Never mind the cut of his jib, we can tell he’s earned those stripes. It may look like a regular old pinstripe suit, but if God is in the details I’d have to say this qualifies as blasphemy, because those stripes are actually made up of his name, printed over and over. Of such gaudy heights of self-aggrandizement may the average Mafiosi only dream.
Speaking of gaudy pinstripes, let’s drown our sartorial sorrows with a classic Bronx Cocktail and a few buttoned-down gossip links, shall we?
Baby on Board (raincoaster)
Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)
I scream! (ManoloFood)
He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)
Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)
Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)
Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)
Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)
Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)
Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)
Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)
ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)
Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)
Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)
Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)
Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)
Sure, he was just a little sleepy. And probably a lot peckish.
Baby on Board (raincoaster)
Josh and the RealDoll (Ayyyy)
Nick Denton responds to Gawker critics (Lolebrity)
Sunday Food Porn: Bagels and tomatoes (ManoloFood)
Yay for sammiches! And boobs! (AgentBedhead)
RIP Jane Fucking Russell (BusyBeeBlogger)
Jake vs Taylor (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Natalie Portman is a hippie fashionista mom (CelebritySmack)
Even Celebs say It Gets Better (CelebrityVIPLounge)
SANS FARDS!!! (CityRag)
Sheen drama! (DailyStab)
Gaga was born this way (Earsucker)
Dancing with the Has-Beens lineup (FitFabCeleb)
Two and a Half Men to upgrade to Three Men? (GirlsTalkinSmack)
NPH and JR are on the move (HaveUHeard)
Corey vs the Oscars (INeedMyFix)
Kathy Griffin is Madame de Pompadour (MatthewGuiver)
Gaga vs Britney (PoorBritney)
Arcade Fire are a musical group of insufferably twee Canadian hipsters who stole the grammy that Esperanza Spaulding didn’t. They are also the band that launched a thousand tweets, most of them asking “Who the hell are Arcade Fire?” Well, this guy has your answer:
and if you’re wondering why you should care, this acoustic version of the Clash’s Guns of Brixton, recorded in the lobby of the Brixton Academy should answer that pretty resoundingly. You can try to resist, but you cannot succeed, because this version is a worthy anthem for our surprisingly revolutionary time.
And yes, that is a Hurdy Gurdy.