Angelina Opens Wide

Oh dear. Looks like SOMEBODY bought the wrong size tampon!

Well, it was a great Grammys, wasn’t it? Whether you were into Epic FAIL or Epic Win, it was one of the most entertaining live broadcasts of the past year at the very least.

LLVERYCOOLJ

To start with: LLCoolJ. Just yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

Whew!

Mini Minaj at the 54th Annual Grammy Awards

Also: Mini Minajes = adorbz. Sophia Grace and Rosie are the two little girls who rose to fame (and Ellen appearance) by being adorable and performing a Nicki Minaj song for their proud parents, who posted it on YouTube, where it went viral. Believe me, WAY more entertaining than “Roman,” and I ain’t even Catholic!

Anne Get Your Gonch

Anne Vyalitsyna is apparently a Victoria’s Secret model. Let me tell you, Victoria couldn’t have any secrets in that dress. She looks like she rushed out of the ladies’ room with half her skirt tucked into her tampon.

Fergie is straight laced

Fergie’s own husband tweeted, “I see London, I see France…” On the other hand, yay for bringing Granny Pants back. No doubt a contract from Playtex is en route.

Kelly Osbourne attributes her makeover to a bat-free diet

Surprise success of the night: the formerly-revolting Kelly Osbourne. How classic! The hair even coordinates with the tats!

And now: ADELE.

First of all, although I can’t find any still photos of it, I loved her second dress of the night, the one in the video. The Armani in which she started the evening was pretty enough, but frankly looked like a plain old vintage piece in that sparkly polyester everybody’s Nana used to wear to parties where she wanted to feel sexy at sixty. This is one of the downfalls of black; the details become invisible. The second, cocktail-length dress, was pretty, old-fashioned, with just the right amount of detailing highlighted by cream underlay, and the fact that the big silver metal zipper in the back (which was inexpertly sewn) was visible every time she turned around was, frankly, completely endearing.

Win! All the! GRAMMYS! ADELE!

Also, I MUST have this lipstick, if not the entire look. Internet, can you help me?

Of course you can. Presenting: Adele at the Grammys: the makeup tutorial!

Good Tuesday to you, my friends, good Tuesday. This is Glinda, current author of both Manolo Beauty and Teeny Manolo.

My lovely colleague raincoaster has been temporarily sidelined.  So I am stepping in to fill some very large, albeit gin-soaked, shoes.  Unfortunately, I lack raincoaster’s Assange/alcohol/Viggo obsessions, but hopefully she will be back sooner rather than later.

Today I present alleged singer Porcelain Black, fresh from the BET awards.

Hon, you know you’ve got problems when a 3 year old rocks the cone bra better than you do.

Mubarak Chic: yes, you can judge a book by its cover

Truly has it been said that fascists generally have the best uniforms. When it comes to fallen dictators, however, the same is not true. Look at Hosni Mubarak here, former president of Egypt and current homeless dude. Never mind the cut of his jib, we can tell he’s earned those stripes. It may look like a regular old pinstripe suit, but if God is in the details I’d have to say this qualifies as blasphemy, because those stripes are actually made up of his name, printed over and over. Of such gaudy heights of self-aggrandizement may the average Mafiosi only dream.

Speaking of gaudy pinstripes, let’s drown our sartorial sorrows with a classic Bronx Cocktail and a few buttoned-down gossip links, shall we?

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)

James Franco is stoned to the gills

Sure, he was just a little sleepy. And probably a lot peckish.

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Josh and the RealDoll (Ayyyy)

Nick Denton responds to Gawker critics (Lolebrity)

Sunday Food Porn: Bagels and tomatoes (ManoloFood)

Yay for sammiches! And boobs! (AgentBedhead)

RIP Jane Fucking Russell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Jake vs Taylor (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Natalie Portman is a hippie fashionista mom (CelebritySmack)

Even Celebs say It Gets Better (CelebrityVIPLounge)

SANS FARDS!!! (CityRag)

Sheen drama! (DailyStab)

Gaga was born this way (Earsucker)

Dancing with the Has-Beens lineup (FitFabCeleb)

Two and a Half Men to upgrade to Three Men? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

NPH and JR are on the move (HaveUHeard)

Corey vs the Oscars (INeedMyFix)

Kathy Griffin is Madame de Pompadour (MatthewGuiver)

Gaga vs Britney (PoorBritney)

Homespun country star Gwyneth Paltrow at the Vanity Fair Oscar party (TheSkinny)

Arcade Fire. Silly stylist: Canadians don't wear black!

Arcade Fire are a musical group of insufferably twee Canadian hipsters who stole the grammy that Esperanza Spaulding didn’t. They are also the band that launched a thousand tweets, most of them asking “Who the hell are Arcade Fire?” Well, this guy has your answer:

and if you’re wondering why you should care, this acoustic version of the Clash’s Guns of Brixton, recorded in the lobby of the Brixton Academy should answer that pretty resoundingly. You can try to resist, but you cannot succeed, because this version is a worthy anthem for our surprisingly revolutionary time.

And yes, that is a Hurdy Gurdy.

That's not hot sauce, ladies

His protestations to the contrary, we have conclusive proof that Viggo Mortensen is a Red Wings fan.

And that’s just too gross to explain, even for me.

Wash your mind’s eye out with a Muff Diver shooter (no hands, please!) and a few gossip links:

Zachary Quinto has a message for young people (Lolebrity)

Who won the fashion wars? (Ayyyy)

The St Valentine’s Day Massacre/Roundup (raincoaster)

The most perfect food in the world, in 926 words (ManoloFood)

Charlie Sheen pulls an Edith Piaf (AgentBedhead)

You know, I’d pay good money to watch her in the UFC ring (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tila Tequila has gone Amish on us (CelebDirtyLaundry)

In fairness, I’d snub Avril Lavigne too (CelebritySmack)

Wait till Shia LaBeouf hears about this! (CelebVIPLounge)

I don’t blame him: EVERYONE hates Daleks (CityRag)

Your straight boyfriend will care about this story (DailyStab)

Jessica Simpson is as spontaneous as a NASA rocket launch (Earsucker)

Anne Hathaway wears support hose! (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrity fashion week (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Gosh, Emma Watson, lay off the ‘roids! (GossipTeen)

Lance Armstrong has had more comebacks than Cher (HaveUHeard)

A bunch of Yanks at the Brit Awards, why? (INeedMyFix)

Britney’s leaking! (PoorBritney)

Courtney Love perfects the “Dexedrine-addicted, glamorous auntie” look (PopBytes)

Who invited HER? (TheSkinny)

Drew, Honey, that dress is No People's Choice

Of that tragic saque, we shall not speak. No, we are only going to harsh on the (undoubtedly expensive) hair today.

The people choose not to say anything, because they can't say anything nice

My sister once paid a guy three figures to give her dark roots, but she’s a real blonde. And she never would have paid extra to have a visible line of demarcation between her real hair and her extensions. And even if she were a spokesmodel/actress/whatever for Covergirl, she’d know better than to wear that much blush and undereye concealer. I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion that the terrorists are concentrating on “makeup bombing” Hollywood stars to demoralize the populace.

Let’s distract ourselves from the end of the world with some good ol’ gossip links, shall we?

Pointless Internet Drama, I wish I could quit you (raincoaster)

Good Mourning! (Ayyyy)

Colin Firth’s face AND Alan Rickman’s voice, in one post! (Lolebrity)

Toni Collette vs Coldplay (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse goes Full Brazilian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom welcome world’s most beautiful baby (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse is wearing an awfully tall belt (NSFW) (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Ted Williams’ world; we just live in it (CelebritySmack)

Detouched Celebrities (CityRag)

He’s still a douchebag, but he’s an awfully decorative one when he’s nekkid (DailyStab)

Robert Pattinson doesn’t know who he is (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrity pizzaface (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jane Krakowski is packing babeh (HaveUHeard)

Kardashian Kard Konflict! (INeedMyFix)

Britney leaks! (PoorBritney)

The evolution of the fashion blogger (PopBytes)

Drew Barrymore narrowly escaped from Borat, it seems (TheSkinny)

Kim Kardashian has a big mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

Selah.