Karl Lagerfeld reportedly thinks that Coco Chanel would not have liked him. “I never bumped into Coco Chanel. It was better that way, she would have hated me,” he said to a rapt audience of students, none of whom were born when he took over designing for the House of Chanel. The changes he’s put in place to modernize the company and keep the designs fresh would have appalled and infuriated the irascible prot0-feminist founder. He added, “Some people say elegance is dead. They’re wrong. It has a new face.”

Miranda Kerr for Chanel

Dear Uncle Karl: That ain’t it.

PS, the face is up here!

I Kant with Kim

Never mind the eclipse. Judging from the visible craters, it’s time that someone stepped up and told Kim that you just don’t wear panties with Spanx. VPL meets VSL and there’s no YSL about it, Balenciaga or not, quadrabutt will never be in. Someone break it to Kanye.

Guy Fieri attacked his hairdresser today.

Guy Fieri’s actual hair. Not an aerial photo of Hurricane Sandy.

Well, wouldn’t you?

In related news, there are actual Guy Fieri wig/brostache sets for sale, should you be desperate to add the finishing touch to your Douchebag costume this year.

There, that’s an improvement!

The Return of Gaga!

Even the bodyguards had to admit that Gaga’s audition for Tinkerbell’s Knocked Up: The Omen VII was a little over the top.

You know what to do; do it in the comments for fun, completely imaginary prizes. And yes, I’ll catch up on our past winners by Tuesday, so there’s still time to enter the old ones!

Richard Simmons in the swim

Sienna Miller, Ice Queen

Sienna Miller. What to do with Sienna Miller? Well, it’s not like Hollywood is waiting for me to answer the question, but if they were, I would like to think I’d come up with a better answer than this dress. Let’s break it down.

Sienna Miller is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals, and it looks to be natural. Good for her. She also has exactly the body type that looks great in designer clothes, and isn’t afraid to put the work in to make sure she stays that way and makes an impression on the red carpet.

So why, in the name of Duncan Hines, is she wearing what appears to be a thickly-spread layer of buttercream frosting on her tits?

John Travolta frost and tip

It only takes one more sighting to be an official trend!

John Travolta gives serious side-eye to your own head of highlights, for they are less gloriously demarcated than his own, entirely butch, Frost & Tip for Men/Pepe le Pew wig jobbie. Presumably his toupee tech uses this 100% hetero male men’s highlighter kit instead of the Clairol standard favoured by starlets, what with him being so uncompromisingly straight and all.

From American black tie:

KK & K

Kanye: I want your boots. They’re like Bottega Veneta does Docs. Kim: it’s black with black, not brown with black. Haven’t you been doing this awhile now? And put your tits back where they belong before they pop out and there’s a seismic incident.

To:

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