Behold the “glories” of Romanian model and poor liar Ioana Spangenberg, who claims she eats three big meals a day. I remember when Marie Osmond was boasting of a “natural” twenty inch waist” too; those were the days she was eating one apple a day and throwing it up, and she’s not five six. Nor, frankly, are many models who don’t work on fetish sites. Do your best/worst to the Human Skeleton in the comments, and points will be lost for obviousness for anyone who posts “eat a sammich.”

SAMMICH, girl. Dayum! Your elbow shouldn't be the widest part of your arm

beyonce beyond

We all have those pictures from high school that we hoped had been buried forever. And we find them posted to Facebook when our “friends” get into the prosecco. I’m sorry, Beyonce, we can no more let you live this down than we can these two. Acid wash isn’t for jeans; it’s for our eyeballs after we get a load of this outfit. Also, is that a wig from the House of Lisa Kudrow on your head?

I think this one actually scared off most of the commenters, but nonetheless what entries there were were solid, so we are pleased to announce our winner:

Vanessa Paradis up close and extremely personal

igirl99
January 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm
And now, Tales From the Crypt, sponsored by Chanel…

Congratulations and imaginary swag to igirl99, who I believe is a first-time winner. What else? A Sterling Silver Trowel!

And now, lest we forget, a small reminder of what used to be, back when she was admitting to being the same age as me.

Do what you do best in the comments section for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes! Zombie Pippa Middleton has it coming.

zombie pippa

From my new favoritest blog, the horrifying and delightful Celebrity Closeups. Do what you do best in the captions:

Vanessa Paradis up close and extremely personal

How I love the interwebs. You could just be minding your own business, trawling the celebusphere for evidence of poor accessorizing amongst the Kardashian Klan when suddenly, you’re confronted with the world’s most compelling BEFORE picture: stark evidence that while our fascination with glamour may result in some remarkable transformations, that these do not come without pain or their share of ugliness.

On that note, let me present to you what has been described as “the funniest skit in tv history,” Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax from RTÉ Television in Ireland.

Looks like a dead badger on flypaper.

Adrien Brody is Blue

Adrien, I don’t know what the new look is doing for you, but it’s certainly coloured my perception of you. Still not getting you a gig on Avatar II: Avatarded.

Santa’s just added one witty commenter to his Naughty List; that’s what I call a credential!

Spike is sad he missed out on that part in Bridget Jones's Diary

Natalie Anne Lanoville
November 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Shut down at the Buffy Christmas Party, Spike regrets the consulting fee he paid Derek Zoolander.

That’s two wins now for Natalie! And what has Santa Spike got in his sack for her this time? What could be better than a collection of Mark Roberts ’12 Days of Christmas’ Fairies?