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Friday Caption Contest: Richard Simmons is the new Esther Williams Edition

You know what to do; do it in the comments for fun, completely imaginary prizes. And yes, I’ll catch up on our past winners by Tuesday, so there’s still time to enter the old ones!

Richard Simmons in the swim

Richard Simmons in the swim

The Ice Queen, Frosted

Sienna Miller, Ice Queen

Sienna Miller, Ice Queen

Sienna Miller. What to do with Sienna Miller? Well, it’s not like Hollywood is waiting for me to answer the question, but if they were, I would like to think I’d come up with a better answer than this dress. Let’s break it down.

Sienna Miller is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals, and it looks to be natural. Good for her. She also has exactly the body type that looks great in designer clothes, and isn’t afraid to put the work in to make sure she stays that way and makes an impression on the red carpet.

So why, in the name of Duncan Hines, is she wearing what appears to be a thickly-spread layer of buttercream frosting on her tits?

Well, Frost my Tips, Travolta is on it!

John Travolta frost and tip

John Travolta frost and tip

It only takes one more sighting to be an official trend!

John Travolta gives serious side-eye to your own head of highlights, for they are less gloriously demarcated than his own, entirely butch, Frost & Tip for Men/Pepe le Pew wig jobbie. Presumably his toupee tech uses this 100% hetero male men’s highlighter kit instead of the Clairol standard favoured by starlets, what with him being so uncompromisingly straight and all.

Kim Kardashian Konverts

From American black tie:

KK & K

KK & K

Kanye: I want your boots. They’re like Bottega Veneta does Docs. Kim: it’s black with black, not brown with black. Haven’t you been doing this awhile now? And put your tits back where they belong before they pop out and there’s a seismic incident.

To:

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Friday Caption Contest: Friday the Thirteenth Edition

We stole this from the adorable George Takei on Facebook, and sure, it has a speech bubble but it doesn’t have a caption? Does it? EH? DOES IT? So that’s your cue, people.

Friday the 13th choices: Matchy, matchy, Jason!

Friday the 13th choices: Matchy, matchy, Jason!

PS: last week’s caption contest has taught me that Kardashians aren’t good for Kaption Kontests and they are hereby Kwarantined and sent to Koventry.

 

Naomi 20 Watts

Marchesa dress wearing Naomi Watts

Marchesa dress wearing Naomi Watts

Seriously Ms. Watts, you would have to be a pretty dim bulb to think this lampshade from Marchesa was ever the right choice.

Croc On!

Croc Fetish Visor

Croc Fetish Visor

All I have to say about this is that it is real, and it is $566.

hat tip/visor tip to Demicouture

Celebrity Fashion DIY! Miley Edition

Miley apple bum. No, we're not quite done with her yet

Miley apple bum. No, we’re not quite done with her yet

Well, friends, we found it: The ultimate celebrity fashion how-to video on the entire interwebz. This, dear readers, cannot be topped. Not even by Robin Thicke.

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