Courtney Love's left boob makes a break for it

Someone aught to tell poor Courtney that the casting call for the Red Queen is long over. Also that the woman sleeping with the director had it locked up from the beginning. Also, that if you’ve lost so much weight your implants are getting smaller, you need to eat a sammich.

Also, don’t be so shelfish.

It. Is. Time. To declare our winnner…

Not that anyone who had to look at this could be described as “winning” really, but…

REEEJ

Pooooooor Coco
November 19, 2011 at 1:07 pm
“Well, the Emperor really highly recommended this tailor, and I do enjoy the silky fineness of my new shirt; but… but… does this tie *really* go with my moobs?”

Congrats and imaginary swag to first-time winner and first-time entrant Pooooooor Coco. What shall we present our proud winner?

The emperor/empress worthy purple designer toga

Pick a toga

and no, I never thought I would type those words.

Speaking of which, they have failed me at the sight of the below. Hopefully you are stronger, and can leave your captions in the comments.

Oh Reej.

I woulda lost a bet: not ONE of you went for the Austin Powers angle when presented with Richard Simmons in an outfit he stole from my mother in one of her manic periods. But we had some good entries, and now we have a winnah!

Richard Simmons as Austin Powers

Natalie Anne Lanoville
November 12, 2011 at 12:44 am
After putting so much work into his e-Harmony profile, Richard was crushed to find out that Elton John was already married.

Awww, isn’t that always the way: the best ones are either married or gay! Or both! And now for the ceremonial presentation of the imaginary hypothetical prize. In this case, it has to be something just as fabulous as little Richard here, which narrows it down considerably. To second-time champ Natalie we virtually present this swinging Alberto Gozzi Optical Sky Blue Hobo Bag to rock the flower power.

You know what to do, so do it to Richard Simmons in the comments:

Richard Simmons as Austin Powers

It’s time for a roundup! Next time I remember to tag my posts correctly so I can find them again. A triple-header of captions:

Truly Truman

Salome Valentine
October 7, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I can see clearly now

igirl99 October 28, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Sarah felt a little self-conscious in her budget WallE costume.

Chloe Richardson

Since everyone was struck speechless except iGirl99, and she won the previous one, we’re going to call this Foul, and I’m sure that’s something on which we can all agree.

Now, imaginary prizes for our champs Salome Valentine and iGirl99: First, for Salome, something highly Capoteable: a sterling silver cocktail straw from Tiffany & Co. featuring Capote’s favorite accessory: the monkey on his back.

Tiffany Monkey Cocktail Straw

And for iGirl99, we have the hipster-approved Dr Martens Rafi Saddle Shoe for true rockabilly style:

Wire hangers would have been good enough for this one

Oh, Joan. We know, we know. You don’t have to advertise it.

PS it was wrong of you to do this to your child, Halloween or not.

(more…)

Amanda Seyfried cut short

Isn`t Amanda Seyfried just adorable? She can`t wait to start her first day of school at the Mena Suvari Academy for Starlets Who Never Quite Reached Their Full Potential. Or the bathroom on time.