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Baby Got…what IS that thing?

The looks on the faces of the witnesses said it all.

The Smiths

The Smith Family

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Is that guy in the back watching the sky, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike this unholy abomination? Has he called in a drone strike? What unspeakable apparition has so horrified the normally unflappable Smiths? Click over the jump to see, but remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen!

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Congratulations to Cate!

Cate Blanchett debuts her air baby bump

Cate Blanchett debuts her air baby bump

Congratulations to actress, icon, and mother Cate Blanchett, who recently debuted her air baby bump in this stunning Balenciaga two-piece. We didn’t even know she was a Scientologist!

In all seriousness, this is both lovely and insane, so it’s perfect for her.

Greatest Lifetime Movie in History or GREATEST LIFETIME MOVIE IN HISTORY?

Holiday Horror

Holiday Horror


I have no idea, because we don’t get Lifetime movies up here in Canuckistan, and it’s not on Bittorrent (I was only checking for research purposes, you undertsand). But if you have Lifetime, apparently you’ll see it sooner or later.

Deadly Spa!

When Dawn, an overworked single mother, agrees to take her teenage daughter, Kayla, to a luxurious but isolated spa retreat, the women believe they have escaped to a paradise of spa treatments, yoga, and nature hikes until a series of disturbing incidents has Kayla questioning the perfection around her.  Kayla is convinced they have to leave but Dawn is now hooked on the fantasy constructed by David James, the handsome and charismatic founder of The Source.  The two women split up, with Kayla determined to hike out of the wilderness no matter what it takes while Dawn must come to terms with her own perception of reality and the growing fear that her daughter was right and has now disappeared.

Now, a bit of background. Waaay back in the last century, I was allowed to declare it a holiday any time Satan’s School For Girls came on late at night, I would be allowed to call a sleepover and take the next morning off school. The whole thing was worth at least one school-free morning per year. Now at last comes the perfect pair to make it a double bill!

And by all means, read the best movie review that I’ve seen since Ishtar came out.

Until it’s available on download, I’ll have to content myself with the comically dated eighties effort Death Spa instead!

Tuesday Caption Contest Results: Rob Lowe Yowe Edition

There were only two entrants, but they were both so good I think they scared away the competition. Who won the head-to-head between returning champ Klee and new entrant G-Dog?

Rob Lowe yo

Rob Lowe yo

G-dog May 29, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

Rob is Sabrina Duncan in the all male version of Charlie’s Angels.

Congratulations and kudos (whatever they are) to the triumphant G-dog. And now, for the hotly-anticipated virtual presentation of the imaginary swag (right-click, save, and stick it in your sidebar for all to admire!). For the best 70’s reference we read all week, and lo, we are major Sabrina fans, we hypothetically present the virtually swagalicious although actually lovely Halston Heritage Knot Waist Red Jersey Dress Gown. Wear it well, bro. Wear it well.

I see Paris, I see France, what the HELL?

Paris Hilton likes to feel a breeze everywhere

Paris Hilton likes to feel a breeze everywhere, by which I don’t mean Hawaii, Cannes, etc

I almost lost a bet when pictures of Paris Hilton flashing her underwear surfaced. Drunken Stepfather didn’t lose a bet, but he DID lose his grip when he saw the unmistakable upskirt shot, seemingly proving that the former amateur porn star has changed her ways, no longer the commando cutie, source of countless barstool snail trails.

As with everything Paris Hilton, however, all is not how it first appears. The Daily Mail inadvertently revealed that the “dress” was just a cover-up, and that the “actual underpants that Paris Hilton wears now” were really just a bikini from another part of the photoshoot. They returned immediately to their normal reliable reporting, however, by calling this two-tone bikini “monochrome.”

Taxes, Death, and Paris Hilton, ladies and gentlemen.

Bynes not?

Amanda Bynes Toque Can Play at That Game

Amanda Bynes Toque-an Play at That Game

Future in-patient, Louis Vuitton bag lady, and Nicki Minaj impersonator Amanda Bynes recently missed her private jet to LA (of course it was a private jet; do you think the air marshals would let someone that crazy on a commercial flight?). And what does a drug-addled former child star do when she misses her plane? Apparently she goes back to her apartment building and hotboxes in the lobby, then flees up 36 flights and throws her bong out the window. Which gives police all the excuse they need to arrest her. We’re sure she’ll soon be livening up a residential rehab program somewhere with her lingerie spinning classes, her mysterious bathroom hijinks, and her endless parade of selfies.

Friday Caption Contest: Cannes Recycle!

You know what to do. Do it in the comments for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

This is a green dress, no really

This is a green dress, no really in a way

I believe this is the first time the red carpet at Cannes has played host to any garment made from plastic foam muffin pans, but then there’s a first for everything.

Coffee, Tea, or EEEEEEEEE!

Richard Branson welcomes you

Richard Branson welcomes you

So it seems Richard Branson lost a bet and had to play flight attendant on his own airline. When he wasn’t spilling drinks on the bet-winner’s lap and trying to mop them up (with his tongue?) Sir Richard of Virgin was presumably playing out this scene in his head.

As for the rest of us, we can only hope that the brand name is a binding contract. NOBODY wants to be a member of that particular mile-high club.

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