Even when she’s borrowing her son’s girlfriend’s clothes to accompany him on the red carpet, Ryan Gosling’s mother Donna never lets him forget where he came from.
PS I had surgery once, and as I slowly came out of the anaesthetic I said to my mother, who was wearing a belt in that exact shade of yellow-brown, “Where did you ever find a belt to match those diarrhoea coloured pants you have?” She later told me, “That’s when I knew you were gonna be okay. You were yourself again.”
Ladies, feast your eyes on this, the apotheosis of men’s wear. Of Man’s man’s wear.
This breathtakingly tasteless spectacle is Indian money lender Datta Phuge’s original design. Atop a base of white imported velvet (not that it matters, but who the hell imports silk velvet to India? From where? As if India ran out of silkworms!) the short-sleeved shirt is woven with solid gold threads, at a cost of about $22,000, and adorned with Swarovski crystal buttons. Really? Am I the only one thinking that overpriced rhinestones on a solid gold shirt is just a freaking cop-out? Gimme some beryls, some lapis lazuli, at least some peridot!
Now, setting aside the obvious fact that the shirt is just gawdawful, let us examine the stated goals of the shirt:
- to attract women
- to advertise Phuge’s money lending business.
There’s no question that the shirt will succeed in achieving the first of these, although once he gets to know them he’ll probably conclude he’d rather draw flies. It doesn’t take too many avaricious good time girls to go through an entire stack of gold shirts at a nightclub.
As for the second, it is really the men’s casuals version of the Hummer I used to see driving around Vancouver, plastered with bumperstickers for SavingYouMoney.com.
Something told her it had been a mistake to pair this outfit with the trendy new magnetic nail polish.
Contrary to appearances, that sound you hear is not Beyonce’s buttcheeks clashing together like tectonic plates. That sound you hear is Dame Diana Rigg rolling over in her grave, and she’s not even dead yet. This might just push her over the edge, though.