Ah, who am I kidding? Like I can afford brand-name drugs. I dunno what this is, but it dried up my nose just fine and hasn’t seemed to cause any sideaffex at al an i bot ity frum lenny out bac. i is fien.

oohmaz bad hare day (lolebrity)

dawn uv tha Twavatar (agentbedhead)

blak i’d p’s do robotface (amygrindhouse)

vangroover food prOn (busybeeblogger)

tila tekeela liarliarpantsonfire (celebritysmack)

maree antwanette at the brit awardz (holymoly)

jsimp seeks p-casso (celebitchy)

jiimmy kimmmmmellll gets it rite (celebdirtylaundry)

adam lmbert disconnex u (dailystab)

the ollllyimpic liveblog (gawker)

brangelina breeds monshishi (laughingstork)

st. angelina goez bak to her rutes (dlisted)

boggerpocalypse at b5 (earsucker)

saveypood no i did not make that up stoned thats what it actually said (movieline)

oh noes save teh fayk babehz~! (litelysalted)

what is this a photoshop contest (ibbb)

hello ur lyin (evilbeet)

meenwyle penny lane still undervalyood (gabbybabble)

undies win kellan lutz over (ineedmyfix)

menz fashun brit awardz im confyoozed wherez kfed (UKPopSugar)

axl roze 2 okkazhun (seriouslyomg)

i beeleev u have a hit (tengossip)

soaffie munks fone iz on vybrayte (theskinny)

Yes, yes, boring I know. Herbal tea gossip links just don’t have the dash of cocktail links, but what can I say? I’m giving my liver a month off for bad behaviour. It’s probably snorting Drano with Lindsay Lohan in Ibiza right this very moment.

Here’s a pic of Old Four Eyes to soften the disappointment.

Who Will Be the Olympic Torchbearer? (True/Slant)

Sandra Bullock’s Sure-Fire Oscar Strategy (Lolebrity)

Paris in Paris (AgentBedhead)

Babeh Becker (AmyGrindhouse)

Topless models make passes at men who wear (Tom Ford) glasses (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lilo too partied out to party? (CeleBitchy)

Ireland is SO grounded! (CelebritySmack)

Travolta’s toupe (HolyMoly)

The World of Plastics on display (IBBB)

Do they HAVE interns in hospitals? (DailyStab)

RIP Alexander McQueen (INeedMyFix)

Gwyneth Paltrow, Brown Rice Queen (LaineyGossip)

Alan Rickman reading love poems – thud! (UKPopSugar)

Are you DOWN with the CLOWN? (EvilBeet)

Another Vacation coming soon (CelebrityVIPLounge)

The secret to longer life (CelebDirtyLaundry)

John Edwards closes barn door after horse bolts (CelebrityMound)

Project Runway recap (HaveUHeard)

Robert Pattinson shower scene (HollywoodBackwash)

Lindsay Lohan, Closet Case (Movieline)

Lost Valentines (TenGossip)

Ah, after all these years, what has not already been said about the protean talents of hottie and character actor Colin Farrell? Remember the time LiLo gave him her phone number in the gym? And he asked her how old she was? And she said seventeen? And he handed the card back and said call me in a year? and she did? And the rest is (medical) history?

He didn’t look like this back then:

Yes, it’s Colin “hottest fry cook in the chip wagon” Farrell, the pride of Dublin. Actually, given how drastically Lindsay’s gone downhill in the last year, he’s probably out of her league now, however much he might try to tone down teh sex-ay.

And believe me, he’s trying.

So Colin, what do you think of Bruges? (NSFW language, unless you work as a blogger, in which case at least be sure the people in the cafe can’t hear this)

Sure, blondes have more fun, but does she LOOK like a girl who likes to have fun? (AgentBedhead)

There IS justice in the world (AmyGrindhouse)

Kendra Wilkinson a FAR better actress than anyone suspected (BusyBeeBlogger)

If nomenclature and PR couldn’t keep these guys together, what hope IS there? (CelebritySmack)

Topless hunks in headless story (PopSugar)

Vampires: they’re JUST like us! (Lainey)

Van spawns MINI-Van (DListed)

Buh-BYE, Ty-Ty! (DailyStab)

PETA’s pet peeves (CeleBitchy)

MUST-see tv (Gawker)

Brit is BROWN! (EvilBeet)

Lindsay’s found her CALLING (HolyCandy)

Rapist sues over label; still fine with DOUCHE tho (LitelySalted)

Homeless couple spotted with ADORABLE children (GabbyBabble)

MALFOY in MIAMI! (INO)

Charlie Sheen’s Christmas CARDED (JustJared)

The AVATAR Holiday Special! (Movieline)

Mariah CARRY! (SeriouslyOMG)

Beckham’s BACK! (PopBytes)

Concerned parent Hugh Jackman shows New York dads how to use a small Australian child as a protective shield during the East’s increasingly bloody snowball wars.

Danish citizen and former upstate New York resident Viggo Mortensen shows cultural sensitivity in Montreal, supporting the Canadiens and introducing the hockey game in flawless English and (Quebec-accented) French.

Yes, he IS perfect.

Hugh Jackman is missing something (Lolebrity)

Keira Knightly takes out contract on Emma Watson? (AgentBedhead)

So…that’s ONE then. (AmyGrindhouse)

Madonna, you’re no Debbie Harry (CeleBitchy)

Eddie Izzard is awesome, insane (BusyBeeBlogger)

Audience in Wonderland (PopBytes)

Sex tape starlet shows off resulting baby bump (GabbyBabble)

Delusional junkie calls Frances Bean Cobain a liar (CelebritySmack)

The real reason Chris Brown beat Rihanna? (HolyMoly)

Molegate! (PopEater)

Dear Kellan Lutz (TenGossip)

God hates Tori Spelling (LitelySalted)

Nicole Kidman has a lot to hide (SeriouslyOMG)

Street style suckage of 2009 (PopSugar)

Hot Tub Time Machine: the reality (Movieline)

Hugh and Daniel are big money gypsies (JustJared)

Diddy ‘dopted (INO)

Diddy waxed (INeedMyFix)

Miss Piggy on the Tiger Woods scandale (EvilBeet)

Santa hates Octomom (DListed)

My Imaginary Boyfriend doesn’t mind working with Tina Fey (Gawker)

A kindly church worker assists Ms. Stefani and her youngest into a shelter for the Fashionably Homeless.

Hobocoture. So hot right now.

Do these two adorable youngsters make my ass look fat?

Rebecca Gayheart (whom I have to stop confusing with Portia de Rossi now, don’t I, or Ellen will be mad) knows how to handle reputation management:

1. attend baby showers where you will sit beside pretty, famous friends who are still somewhat heavier than you because they’re, you know, pregnant.
2. be photographed smiling broadly leaving said baby showers
3. fashionable heels and this year’s bag at all times
4. enormous shades just in case of tragic mascara overspill
5. be sure to sport an oversized version of the nightie you brought for the new baby. It’s just good manners.

Kate Walsh, however, chose the onesie: