Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

Say hello to Linda Evangelista, Miss Teen Saint Catherines, Ontario, and the best reason you’ll see today to feel better about your OWN 80′s hair.

Claire Danes' roots go deep

Today in Stupid Hair Trends, how about this one, my pet peeve: putting dark roots on natural blondes. I’ve sat next to Claire Danes, close enough to see her pores, and I guarantee you this woman does not naturally have brunette roots. She’s paying someone to paint them on, then bleach them out later when they grow out. Nothing, NOTHING looks as stupid as blonde roots on dark roots on blonde hair.

beyonce beyond

We all have those pictures from high school that we hoped had been buried forever. And we find them posted to Facebook when our “friends” get into the prosecco. I’m sorry, Beyonce, we can no more let you live this down than we can these two. Acid wash isn’t for jeans; it’s for our eyeballs after we get a load of this outfit. Also, is that a wig from the House of Lisa Kudrow on your head?

How I love the interwebs. You could just be minding your own business, trawling the celebusphere for evidence of poor accessorizing amongst the Kardashian Klan when suddenly, you’re confronted with the world’s most compelling BEFORE picture: stark evidence that while our fascination with glamour may result in some remarkable transformations, that these do not come without pain or their share of ugliness.

On that note, let me present to you what has been described as “the funniest skit in tv history,” Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax from RTÉ Television in Ireland.

Looks like a dead badger on flypaper.

Adrien Brody is Blue

Adrien, I don’t know what the new look is doing for you, but it’s certainly coloured my perception of you. Still not getting you a gig on Avatar II: Avatarded.

Here’s America’s Sweetheart Brad Pitt at Cannes this week, alongside a shot of him in the same spot two years ago.

It's Pitt vs Pitt

What do you think? I’m of the opinion that I like the Colin Farrell look better on Colin Farrell, myself.

Colin Farrell looks askance at Brad Pitt

Pia Toscano has obviously pissed off her stylist for the LAST TIME

I’m fortunate in living in Canuckistan, able to avoid the weekly viewing of American Idol which is, I believe, mandatory in the States, but last night I was visiting a friend who happens to be addicted to reality tv, and so this travesty was flashed before my eyes. Now, one is reminded, one is, of the Nixon-Kennedy debate: those who listened to it on radio thought that Nixon had won, while those who watched it and were treated to Tricky Dicky’s sweaty visage plumped for Kennedy. I’m just gonna lay it out here: if this poor songbird had not been trussed up in a strapless, shapeless ikat romper that was obviously fished out of someone’s grandma’s closet (the Late 70′s Costume Party Material section) she would still be a contender.

I had originally wished to say much the same about the Femulleted country crooner done up in the formal gingham shorts that gave her a backside as big as the Prairies, but not only is she still in (America loves a Femullet!) but Google has apparently banned it from their image search as NSFLunch.

UPDATE: L.A.M.B. No wonder. Give people too much punctuation and it goes straight to their (swelled, gelled, and poufed) heads.

Pete Wentz has a no fro and, apparently, a hostage

Poor little Bronx Mowgli Wentz! Not only are his parents divorcing, but Daddy has obviously gotten the Rebound Hairdo de Tutti Rebound Hairdos. Gone is the emo fringe: say hello to the Oh No, Bro Fro.