beyonce beyond

We all have those pictures from high school that we hoped had been buried forever. And we find them posted to Facebook when our “friends” get into the prosecco. I’m sorry, Beyonce, we can no more let you live this down than we can these two. Acid wash isn’t for jeans; it’s for our eyeballs after we get a load of this outfit. Also, is that a wig from the House of Lisa Kudrow on your head?

On that note, let me present to you what has been described as “the funniest skit in tv history,” Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax from RTÉ Television in Ireland.

Looks like a dead badger on flypaper.

Adrien Brody is Blue

Adrien, I don’t know what the new look is doing for you, but it’s certainly coloured my perception of you. Still not getting you a gig on Avatar II: Avatarded.

It's Pitt vs Pitt

What do you think? I’m of the opinion that I like the Colin Farrell look better on Colin Farrell, myself.

Colin Farrell looks askance at Brad Pitt

Pia Toscano has obviously pissed off her stylist for the LAST TIME

I’m fortunate in living in Canuckistan, able to avoid the weekly viewing of American Idol which is, I believe, mandatory in the States, but last night I was visiting a friend who happens to be addicted to reality tv, and so this travesty was flashed before my eyes. Now, one is reminded, one is, of the Nixon-Kennedy debate: those who listened to it on radio thought that Nixon had won, while those who watched it and were treated to Tricky Dicky’s sweaty visage plumped for Kennedy. I’m just gonna lay it out here: if this poor songbird had not been trussed up in a strapless, shapeless ikat romper that was obviously fished out of someone’s grandma’s closet (the Late 70′s Costume Party Material section) she would still be a contender.

I had originally wished to say much the same about the Femulleted country crooner done up in the formal gingham shorts that gave her a backside as big as the Prairies, but not only is she still in (America loves a Femullet!) but Google has apparently banned it from their image search as NSFLunch.

UPDATE: L.A.M.B. No wonder. Give people too much punctuation and it goes straight to their (swelled, gelled, and poufed) heads.

Pete Wentz has a no fro and, apparently, a hostage

Poor little Bronx Mowgli Wentz! Not only are his parents divorcing, but Daddy has obviously gotten the Rebound Hairdo de Tutti Rebound Hairdos. Gone is the emo fringe: say hello to the Oh No, Bro Fro.

Julian Assange's hair game is insane

emo julian assange still has his poetry and his Morrissey albums

Aren’t they cute? I know we’ve had a snotload of Wikileaks founder and Bond Villain Julian Assange lately, but how can you not? I ask you. The world keeps coming up with new and delightful ways to play with him, from the Julian Assange coloring book right up to this, a contest to Design The Next Great Haircut for Julian Assange.

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your photoshop!

If Alaia weren't already (at least "career")dead, this would kill him off

It was sweet of Gwynnie to try to save her corporate puppet-masters some dosh by doing her own makeup, but she really shouldn’t have done it with her thumbs just to prove she could. Also, I’m relatively sure that when Baume&Mercier signed her, they expected her to show up in something more attractive than pink wifebeater with Vegas Novelty Hooker Bottoms. Seriously, has Alaia been kidnapped and replaced with some spangly reject from Juicy Couture?

Sharon Stone goes Om Nom Nom

At a recent press conference, Sharon Stone demonstrates a typical lunch from her own patented Hollywood Diet that’s responsible for her girlish figure and fresh face.

Boobs! Breasts! Chest! And Keywords! (raincoaster)

Fashion trolls can climb? (Ayyyy)

Challah, breakfast! (Manolofood)

Sean Connery is the top! (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson and pubes in the same sentence (AgentBedhead)

Ode to Californication (BusyBeeBlogger)

Stars shoulder the burden of fashion (CeleBitchy)

Joan Rivers vs Sarah Palin (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Paz’d out (CelebritySmack)

Canadian-dater is impure! (AllieIsWired)

Charlie Sheen, name-dropper! (Earsucker)

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban sublet a womb (DailyStab)

Sandra Bullock knows bangs are cheaper than Botox (GirlsTalkinSmack)

For a sec I seriously thought that was Julian Assange with CZJ (HaveUHeard)

Montreal won the Golden Globes (INeedMyFix)

Kanye Kant Handle It (PoorBritney)

You don’t deserve Ricky Jervais! (PopBytes)

Hayden, that is not what they mean by “the layered look” (FitFabCeleb)

JLo bids high (GabbyBabble)

Celebrity philosophers in 140 characters (EvilBeet)

The TRUE winner of the Golden Globes (MovieLine)

Michael Lohan finally finds his perfect match (SeriouslyOMG)

And your trashy, low-rent gossip links for today:

On the decline of civility in intra-office memos in the United Kingdom (raincoaster)

Ten carats of PAIN! (Ayyyy)

Betty White Power! (Lolebrity)

Tales of the Cocktail (ManoloFood)

Pete Doherty clean and sober. In related news, temperatures in Hell reached record lows today (AgentBedhead)

Everybody’s pregnant except me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Viiiiiiiiggo! (CeleBitchy)

Say hello to the Butterscotch Colt (CelebDirtyLaundry)

We call that a No-Hawk where I come from (CelebritySmack)

Charo is ageless: it’s official (CityRag)

Usher usher’d offstage (DailyStab)

No, it’s not the PICTURES that got small (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Win Kiefer Sutherland? I’m in! (INeedMyFix)

Sandra Bullock is Quote of the Day (FitFabCeleb)