Eva Longoria’s dirty home movies? (DailyStab)

Right Now, Van Halen still rocks (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise’s enemies spontaneously repent, off selves (CeleBitchy)

Spice Girls sell out (CelebritySmack)

Britney doesn’t need a babysitter anymore, y’all! (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney’s scofflaw ways that lost her kids (GabbyBabble)

But she’ll always have the Just Britney art show (WOWReport)

Keith Urban’s motorcycle wipeout (ICYDN)

Mary-Kate thinks she’s God, possibly inhaled (NYDN)

It’s Take Your Shiloh to Work Day for Brangelina (AllieIsWired)

Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom together again for the first time (HolyCandy)

The (d)evolution of Carrot Top (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ben- blames -Nifer for failure (HollywoodOffender)

Pamela Anderson engaged to Paris’ pornographer  (Yeeeah)

Katie Holmes “acts,” forgets to move facial muscles (LaineyGossip)

David Letterman welcomes Paris Hilton, wipes floor with her (Defamer)

ScarJo is a total diva (DailyStab)

Paris is a lederhosen monkey (Agent Bedhead)

Prince is still the King of Fashion (Celebrity Smack!)

Jessica Simpson trashes the dress, drunk (I’m Not Obsessed)

America’s Next Hot Pornstar press conference (HolyCandy)

Saint Bob Geldof is Satan (CeleBitchy)

Rose McGowan knows Jennifer Grey’s pain (A Socialite’s Life)

Angie’s brood is a handful (Hollywood Offender)

Dan Rather’s lawsuit’s horoscope (Jossip)

Eartha Kitt’s still got it, still uses it effectively (Stereohyped)

Miss South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton and Donald Trump, together again for the first time (WorldNetDaily)

Courtney Love tore the dress off Kate Moss? (Hollywood Backwash)

Mary-Louise Parker’s new baby (EvilBeet)

Beyonce is back to black (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Happy Birthday Sophia Loren: older and hotter than us! (Mollygood)

…is there anything in this entire get-up that isn’t questionable?

I just don’t even know where to start.

Okay, how about that you’re not even 40 (How? How is that possible? I remember doing the Loco-motion when I young, back before I sold my soul for some day-old Buffalo wings and this neat-o fiberglass liver) and yet you seem to have gone a bit piscine about the mouth-ital region, meanwhile your eyebrows are trying to mosey off into the sunset that’s apparently found about four inches behind your natural hairline. That would be troublesome enough because, you know, that’s a lot of landscaping for someone in their 30′s.

But then we need to talk about the outfit. What exactly is going on here? It’s like you’re playing Second Flying Monkey in an all-singing, all-dancing new production of “The Wizard of Oz” as performed by the Upper Ottowa Motorcycle Seat and Glad Bag Recyclers Union, Local 303, and while I give much love to the UOMS&GBRU (303) I’m just not entirely sure that’s a look you’d be lucky (lucky lucky lucky) to recreate.

Angelina pregnant again? (I’m Not Obsessed)

Drew Barrymore, Gay Pirate (Agent Bedhead)

The Butterscotch Stallion returns! (Mollygood)

JLo: the lost Spice Girl (Daily Stab)

Jodie Foster will kick your ass (Pajiba)

OJ arrested! Oh noes! (Celebrity Smack)

Celebrity Sports, the Photoshop Challenge (Worth 1000)

Britney is losing custody? (PerezHilton)

Posh vs the Jolly Green Giant: who wore it best? (Holy Candy)

Drunkblogging the Emmys (Defamer)

Gwen Stefani’s suing Forever 21 (A Socialite’s Life)

Kate Beckinsale’s new lips get an outing (Girls Talkin’ Smack)

Heidi Montag’s 21st birthday (Bricks and Stones)

Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood in Fun City (Hollywood Backwash)

OJ’s Ghostwriters: If I ReWrote It (MediaBistro)

RuPaul in Zombie Prom! (WOW Report)

Courtney Love: lip surgery or herpes? (Celebrity Cosmetic Surgery)

Seth Green is That Crazed Britney Spears Fan Guy (DailyStab)

Kiefer Sutherland vs Japanese Schoolgirls (Agent Bedhead)

Press Button, receive gossip blogs (Celebrity Smack!)

David Beckham takes it off (I’m Not Obsessed)

Demi Moore in Indecent Expenditure (Holy Candy)

Lindsay Lohan, Angel of Death (Cele bitchy)

Rachel Zoe is thin, tan, famous, hallucinating (Dlisted)

Britney, Madonna, and the jihadi death threats (WOW Report)

Mena Suvari’s mane attraction (Hollywood Backwash)

Shar Jackson and the T-Shirt of Vengence (Evil Beet)

Peaches Geldof is no Fifi Trixibelle (Sassybella)

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are Tanzanian legends! (PerezHilton)

Lance Armstrong sues pet charity (The Iron Whirlygig)

Justin Timberlake diseased, punned upon (Archie’s Archive)

Amy Winehouse vs Pete Doherty…both losers (Celebrity Scrap)

Kiefer Sutherland worships like nobody else! (Defamer)

Billy Bob: I’m not a stalker, I just play one in real life (DailyStab)

Ja’Rule, Moron. (Wizbang Pop)

Sing for your supper, whine for your dessert (Agent Bedhead)

Amy Winehouse, the pre-disaster pictures. (Hollywood Backwash)

Tommy Lee, just another emo blogger (I’m Not Obsessed)

J-Lo is retaining water? (Girls Talking Smack)

Rodent is the new diamond (HolyCandy)

Juaquin Phoenix, au naturale (Mollygood)

A Goth Christmas Album from Marilyn and Evan?

Jena Malone, rocking the Wellies. (A Socilalite’s Life)

Everybody’s favorite aging plasticated queen at the Valentino 45th Anniversary Party in Rome. Also pictured, Donatella Versace.